Please: how can I get ex husband back??? Please help

[Kiwi1]

Dear everyone,
I really hope someone can help me, you may have read previous posts by me, but what I'm asking is for some help, I want my husband back, not just because 'I love him' I have many reasons and we were genuinely happy at some point but lost our way, I treat him badly and have worked on my issues and still am. I really don't mean any disrespect, but I would prefer not to receive responses saying 'get over him or move on etc' not because it's not what I want to hear but because I'm not ready to do that yet, I want to fight instead of giving up, for my children's sake as much as mine.

I know he still loves me on some level but he is scared things won't change if he came back, he has not left me alone since we split, even when I told him last week we couldn't be friends anymore because I still love him. He hasn't had a day away from me, which is why I have implemented LC to help me and to hope he sees what we had, can anyone give me any advice on what else I can do, we were together nearly 8 years, which is just too much for me to give up on, he is hitting rock bottom at the minute, has zero friends (literally) lives with his dad and stepmum, and is acting totally out of character! What can I do? Please please help me

[Cerby]

I'd sit down and talk to him. Ask him if he truly is interested in working things out, and if he is, then go see a couples councillor to talk through the problems you had in your marriage and see if you can save it.

[ttylox]

Next time you talk to him about this, approach the subject with confidence. Have the things you want to say clearly organized in your head before you open your mouth. Even though you're feeling desperate and chaotic on the inside does not mean you have to show him that on the outside! The more in control of your emotions you are, when he sees you, the more likely he'll believe that you also have the power to get control over whatever it is that you've been working on to fix about yourself.

Don't come at him as a mess - don't blubber and cry and ramble on... tell him you're not done fighting for your marriage! Good luck!

[Kiwi1]

Thank you for your replys, I'm thinking I might give it a couple of weeks do he can have a chance to see exactly what we had as he is still trying to keep contact so isn't having any time to reflect. He has been bringing me little gifts and it is really as if we are still together except we don't have sex or kiss etc, everything else is pretty much the same so I'm hopingif I take that away for a bit he can see what we had, then after a couple of weeks I can start contact slowly again get a feel for things then maybe at some point suggest we try again, start just as gf and bf (not tell kids don't want to confuse them) and just take it really slowly see if we have a chance, if he just moved back in then we would no doubt slip straight back to where we were. What do you think? Xx

[Ladybuggg]

I dont understand what u are bragging about.

Are u divorced? or is he just moved out cause of your bad attitude off years>?

And what ever it is i dont believe in people suddenly saying they miss the person and they are different now and crap.

Cause if you did not or could not change in 8 years i doubt it that u will sudanly now he is gone.

So i think u need to give yourself better reason to see if he even wants u back!
By really take a couple of years maybe to work on your behavior /issues
and see if its just missing him or its just that u are forcing something that was made to fail.

And get therapy for both of you!
Otherwise its stupidity to keep trying having the same bad issues involve.

You should have a conversation with him in which u need to be completely honest and open.
and to see if he wants to try again.
But again just moving in without any kind of real serious work and therapy is a waste of all time.

[Kiwi1]

I dont understand what u are bragging about.


I'm sorry I didn't realise that asking for help was classed as bragging??

Are u divorced? or is he just moved out cause of your bad attitude off years>?


No we are not divorced, he doesn't want a divorce

And what ever it is i dont believe in people suddenly saying they miss the person and they are different now and crap.

Cause if you did not or could not change in 8 years i doubt it that u will sudanly now he is gone.

I don't believe this at all, I think everyone is different, and when you find yourself in a situation it can definately make you reflect on what you did and make you really want to change


So i think u need to give yourself better reason to see if he even wants u back!
By really take a couple of years maybe to work on your behavior /issues
and see if its just missing him or its just that u are forcing something that was made to fail.

Why would it have been made to fail? And how ami forcing something when it is him who won't stop contact


And get therapy for both of you!
Otherwise its stupidity to keep trying having the same bad issues involve.

I am in councelling, and if both parties realise the issues then it can be worked on, it's stupidity to throw everything away, because of a lack of realisation


You should have a conversation with him in which u need to be completely honest and open.
and to see if he wants to try again.
But again just moving in without any kind of real serious work and therapy is a waste of all time.

As I said we would take things very very slowly, to ensure the same mistakes were not made again

[smackie9]

If anything get counseling or both of you go to couples counseling.