Mixed and Confused Perspectives on Sex

[Ricky]

Ok... I'm a virgin. Lately I've been going through this worrisome mental state where my ideas and morals of sex are in turmoil.
I'm very liberal, and my opinions about sex, censorship, and all that jazz lie on the liberal side.

Recently a girl I liked hooked up with one of my friends. I saw her as a very innocent girl, and she used to (emphasis on the the phrase "used to") hold to the ideal of "no sex before mairrage." Then one day she commented that she "might like to try it." After she got hooked up with my friend, he got her to have sex with him. They are now a fairly sexualy active couple. My friend has told me about sex with her, but she doesn't know that I know (and would rather me not know) that they are sexual. This all surprises me. She seemed innocent but now I see her in a different light since I've found out she's been titty-****ed. She even kissed his dick! (She won't give him oral, though).

Anyway, my point is I don't know how feel about sex, particularly oral sex and other stuff that makes it more exciting. I would think that normal people don't make love like a porno movie, but I guess some do. To me "porno" sex seems wrong somehow, but it's becoming more acceptable. Maybe I just need to get laid.

I think American society has an unhealthy view on sex. We are tought that it is "naughty" and shameful. We get minimal education on it in school (what is taught by parents depends on the family). Then there's porno, which accomplishes making sex seem more like a guilty pleasure to be ashamed of. It holds value in perversion. The result, I think, is that people are alienated from sex. If I had been brought up in a different environment, I probably wouldn't be thinking like this.

What are your guys' thoughts on this? On our society's view on sex, on casual sex, on lovers' sex, and on the morals of it in genral? I'd be interested to hear.

[misombra]

first of all i think it's messed up that your friend is giving you details about their sex life. hell i don't want my boyfriends friends knowing that s.hit! and no i'm not ashamed that i have a sex life, i think it's a respect thing. i'm sure his friends know we have sex but my boyfriend respects me enough not to talk about details with his friends, because it would make them see me differently, like you said. but people are nasty when they're having sex. it's a private thing, you know? when you're with someone you love sexually you're doing things together that are naughty, because (usually) you trust each other and you aren't afraid to be dirty with that person. it may not be like porn, but it's not like soap opera sex either. you'll know when you start having sex how it is. and you'll know not to just go around talking about it to your friends, because you see how it can change someone's perceptions of that person. some things are sacred, sex is (or should be) one of them.

and as far as society's view on sex i think it depends on how you see it. i think a lot of people are misinformed and that there's a lot of mixed messages. i think a lot of parents don't teach their kids enough about sex so they're confused or they get their info. from tv, their friends, magazines, somewhere other than where they really should get it. but there's a lot of liberal and conservative messages and everything in between on sex out there.

[confusedsoul]

how old are u?

[Ricky]

how old are u?

I'm 21, why do you ask?

He says he tells me this stuff because I'm his friend, but maybe next time he gets into telling me anything about his sex life with his girlfriend I should politely ask him to keep it to himself.

[confusedsoul]

cause the answer depends on it
well, first up, stop listening to ur friend's bragging.. No one tells such things to someone just cause they are friends, atleast guys dont.. We usually brag

About the society and moral values and stuff like that, I dont think I am gonna go into that. Well its each person's perspective, how they look at casual, marital or whatever sex. Good that u are not just willing to get laid, as misombra said its a sacred thing (well maybe sacred is too big a word for me, but I cant find anything else!). It should be like both the parties involved are willing to take their relation to that level, that they are comfortable with eachother sexually.

[KirstyM]

I think your thoughts and feelings about sex should be just that - your thoughts. What your friends do or dont do in the bedroom is really no concern of yours and shouldnt really influence the way you feel about sex. It's fine if your friend is just casually talking about life and sex comes into it, but it's a little unfair on his girlfriend if he is actively going out of his way to tell people - namely you - about their sex life. Especially if she is under the illusion that nothing is going on. Remember, if she found out, not only would she be annoyed at him, but she'd also be annoyed at you. Your friend might start the conversations, but you could easily stop them if you wished. Also about the porno thing - sex is never like it is in porn films. That's just unrealistic. But you may be finding out recently that there's more to it than you first thought - I know when I was younger I imagined sex to just be missionary position, the same thing again and again.

[Only-virgins]

You sound like a different person at the beginning of your paragraph then you do at the end...well anyways..I would never EVER date a girl that has had sex with a friend....period. As for sex..it is what it is to you.

[Junket]

I feel like sex is just as individual as those that have it.