Fear of commitments

[inkeepingsecret]

Commitments, the given sterotype attached to the male race. I would have to say that i fit into that bracket. For some reason I have always been like this.

What factors do you think make us this way? Are we picky? Are we looking to have casual sex? Are we distrusting because of a prior relationship? Do we jsut meet the wrong women? Are we afraid to get hurt?

To each his own, I guess, but i've been wondering why this has been my issue. I've been seeing a few women, i have felt some chemisty, but nothing that promising. Initially, I thought i may want to experience a few different partners, but sex isnt even remotley close to when its with someone you love. I tend to take things very slowly, which for some reason makes them clingy, in turn me not talking to them anymore.

Any opinions on this matter???

[COAD]

I guess thats how things are before you find the right one.
I was like that too, went throught tons of girls. But now I settled, I got this feeling that Im gonna be with this girl forever.

Hopefully, I understood your question properly.

[indigosoul]

I think any of the things you mentioned could be a reason for not committing. But from what I've seen, its mostly to do with knowing yourself (i.e. not necessarily anything to do w/the other person). You need to be comfortable w/who you are to be able to commit to another successfully. In fact, the whole commitment thing becomes a non-issue, you just DO. You could meet your "soulmate" (yes, yes, we don't believe in such things) at 18, but not be "ready" (emotionally, or whatever) for then until you are 35. For example.

[inkeepingsecret]

I think any of the things you mentioned could be a reason for not committing. But from what I've seen, its mostly to do with knowing yourself (i.e. not necessarily anything to do w/the other person). You need to be comfortable w/who you are to be able to commit to another successfully. In fact, the whole commitment thing becomes a non-issue, you just DO. You could meet your "soulmate" (yes, yes, we don't believe in such things) at 18, but not be "ready" (emotionally, or whatever) for then until you are 35. For example.

you might be on to something ayy. I never really thought about it that way. Im not sure if i fully believe in the soulmate idea, but deep down i think i do.

[ALovelyLady86]

I'm not sure about soul mates. I think that if you find someone who you get along with, care for deeply, and are compatible with, you should be with that person. But there are so many people out there who you are compatible with that you just have to make the decision of which one you want.
I disagree with dating and sleeping with multiple people (not saying thats what you do) but I dont see anything wrong with going on a date and seeing how you like the person, then if you do have chemistry dont date another person. See if it works out. By dating and sleeping with multiple people number one you wont get a quality girl, cause quality girls wont accept you sleeping with other women. Number two there are too many emotions involved ya know? Too many..."do I want them or them?"s
I'm the type of girl that it takes forever for me to find someone I like, but when I do its 100%. I give the relationship my all. But I'm rare

[Only-virgins]

Damn, you people make it all complicated....I just cave in to the biological feelings and thats the only thing I have ever felt so far in my life. I dont think there is a soulmate...just the chemicals click at the right time and somtimes dont let go...*sigh*...

[indigosoul]

<Sigh> You youngon's need to read more carefully. I NEVER said soulmates exist (IPOF I said I DON'T believe), I was using the term in quotes as a person that we get on very well with. That many ppl would call a soulmate, whatever that means. Anyway, its the idea that commitment is about OURSELVES not the other person that is important, which you understood...