Moving on just became ten times harder

[Illyana]

So my ex broke up with me about 6 days ago now. We dated for three and a half years and I was his first everything; love, girlfriend, etc. We are both twenty one. It hurt me pretty bad because I really love him. Usually it would just be a small fight, and we'd be back together but not this time I guess. He said we argued too much but we never tried positive communication despite what he believes. We would both get mad about something, and handle it really immaturely. I know I had my own self-esteem problems going into things but he knew that too and he said he would stick by me. I guess not. My biggest complaint with him was he never wanted to go out. He was a social recluse because of his own problems. Well the day after we broke up, he made a Facebook and is now trying to be some sociable creature. I know we both need to grow in our separate ways and work on the problems we have but I can't help but want him back especially after last night. *If you make it through this, you deserve a pat on the back. It is long*

So he won't give me the closure conversation in person that I need and when I told him two days ago it would be our last conversation, he said I didn't have to make things so final and we would talk again soon. He still wants to be friends. Any time I even attempt to talk about the break up, he said there is nothing to talk about and when I accuse him of moving on already, he gets mad. When I tell him I need to hear it from him that his feelings for me are gone, he just ignores what I say. This is exactly why I wanted to talk in person but he refuses and won't give me my wii controllers back from his house. I told him since they mean so much to him, he could keep them.

Well this is what happened last night. We like some of the same things so we have mutual friends. Well one of them, for the sake of the story we will name him Tom, was talking to me online. It was just casual conversation but then he was flirting. I just ignored it because I am not interested in him at all, found it rude since I just was broken up with, and he has a reputation of trying to sleep with girls just because. I was having a good positive day, feeling I could be friends with my ex after some time and really be okay. WRONG! So I hadn't talked to Tom in awhile because I went to workout at the gym. When I get back, he is like

"So James and Eric want to go over to Mary's (Tom's on and off girlfriend) house to have a LAN party."
I'm thinking..why is he telling me this? I respond with something like oh that's cool.
Tom: "James and her talk like all the time on Facebook. They talk a ton."

I am now upset and thinking my ex is already talking to other girls so I break my attempt at no contact for the first time with my ex, and accuse him of trying to be with her already. He has no idea what I am talking about. So I said I had heard it from someone and I was having a good day and didn't ask to hear about what he does. He got really mad and told me someone was trying to make me mad at him for no reason. So, to prove his innocence, he copy and pasted the conversation to me. Absolutely no flirting. Tom did the same and still no flirting. That was also the first conversation they have had!! It all revolved around the LAN party and Tom. I felt embarrassed but more than anything, I was confused, stressed, and felt completely turned upside down! My ex demanded to know who I had heard my information from and was accusing ME of starting this. I had no allegiance to someone who was just trying to start stuff so I told him. Besides, I felt really betrayed. I told my ex I wanted to move away from all this and I was tired of everyone ruining my day when I was just starting to be okay. I don't know. I said A LOT. I was shaking, I was so upset. My ex then proceeded to tell the guy he had no right to get me upset over nothing and Tom was the one who told him to add Mary on Facebook and ask her about the LAN party. He told Tom if he had a problem with it, he should have said something to him instead of using me. I apologized to my ex and thanked him for standing up for me even though that probably wasn't his intention. The conversation got a little too personal after that and I kind of changed the subject.

Today I feel like I have moved back to square one again! I'm really upset and can't stop being upset. I don't want to cut my ex out of my life because he proved he can be a good friend but after defending me, my feelings just kind of rushed back to the surface even though I understand why we broke up. I don't want to see him with anyone else. It will kill me. I know he isn't ready for a relationship and just wants to be single though but still. I want him back so bad today but I know we need to both mature. It doesn't help that I have dreamed of him every night since the split. If he asked me back out today, which I know he isn't, I would have to walk away despite every fiber in my being not wanting to. We haven't even seen each other in person since the split. He refuses to. I am just really confused! I want to talk to him all the time and see him and last night didn't help at all! He was my best friend and I don't want to throw that all away but how can you be friends with someone you still love? =(

[VincenzoG91]

Just knock it off. You are making the breakup too painful and difficult by clinging to your ex like this. Let him know that you can't talk to him anymore, at least not anytime soon, and then cut off all communication. Tell your friends that you don't want to hear about him anymore. And then move on with your life. Maybe he's a good guy, and maybe you two can actually be friends some day, but not until you are completely over him. No communication with him until you stop caring about him.