My girlfriend hate my best friend who is also a girl

[BobbyPeterss]

I have a very good bestie friend for like a year and a half, and me and her are like bro and sis and nothing happened between us apart from we kissed once when we first met in University, which was nothing anyway.

I met my current girlfriend 9 months ago, and we have been in a relationship for nearly 7 months now. It is a long distance 4 hours relationship.

The problem is, my girlfriend have this weird impression that my best mate hate her, and she told me that she is uncomfortable about her chilling around me. She always get angry and upset about me spending time with my best friend, and it is weird considering them two had a proper girl talk and she seem fine! But now, apparently, she got really upset by seeing a picture of me piggy backing my best mate on Facebook. She said that she is heart broken, not understanding why I would seem so close with her even though it would upset her and make her feel comfortable. But she is my best mate?! And its a piggy back? Its not like I cheated on her! I never cheated on her. She said that she trusts me, but then if she is then she should be comfortable about my best mate too! She's saying she's really confused, and I told her we would try not to talk for 5 days to see what she feels about what she wants to do about me. I just so stuck between her pointlessly hating my best mate. I dont want to choose. It is not fair!

[Wakeup]

.... and yet another opposite sex friendship that is coming between a couple.

She's jealous of your time together which is understandable since you're 4 hours away from one another and she's feeling left out and jealous that your girl friend is doing things with you that she (your gf) would like to be doing with you. Surely you're not so insensitive that you can't see how you having so much fun with another female would affect her negatively? How about you keep that kind of photo crap off your wall at the very least. How would you feel if she posted a photo of herself on her male boyfriend's back for all to see. Would you be fine with it or would it play on your mind a bit?

[vashti]

ugh. I hate the way kids think they are somehow disconnected from their genitalia when it comes to picking out friends.

If you MUST maintain that a girl is your best friend, then you need to learn to have enough sense to at least keep some physical distance between you. You aren't in 1st grade anymore, and girlfriends don't like sharing their men.

[BobbyPeterss]

I suppose you guys are right. Maybe it is my fault? But then what should I do to get her back?

[Daya]

Hi BobbyPeterss
Your girlfriend feels insecure about herself at some level within, which is why she project it out onto your relationship. She wish she could spend the time with you that you are spending with your best friend.

Now, to me there is absolutely nothing wrong with you having a best friend of the opposite sex and it is not fair asking you to choose. If you really care and love your girlfriend my advice to you is to ensure that you do remember to text her, to call her, to tell her you miss her all those things which is important to an insecure female.

Females thinks very different from Males. Many women will think that the man is no longer interested if they do not hear from him frequently, or if the man all of a sudden changes his behavior or normal pattern. Example, if you are used to sending a text message before going to bed every night and you one day forget, this is in many women's head an indication that you either do not love her anymore or that you are with someone else.

If you want this relationship with your girlfriend to work, you need to be very open and communicative and support her in a way where she does not need to listen to her insecurity, as that will make her think all sorts of negative things about you and your female friend.

Telling her to take 5 days away from each other to think things through is most likely not at all what she wants, what she wants is for you to give her a big hug and comfort her showing that she is the girl for you. I know that you are four hours away from each other, but a surprise visit if possible just to be with her for a day or two I think she would appreciate and she will feel you are going out of your way to make her happy.

Hope this helps you.

Love Daya

[bluesummer]

So if she is your best mate u should date her instead of keep bringing other girls in such a awkward situation
Cause your gf have to be your best freind.
.

Truth.

Your best friend of the opposite sex should always be your partner. I could only have a best guy friend that: A) I didn't have have some type of deeply suppressed crush on, B) I didn't date at some point in the past C) was obviously gay , or D) I was not physically attracted to on any level. Also I could also only have a best guy friend if I wasn't already in a relationship. My husband is my best guy friend.

You marry someone because they are your best friend. If they aren't your best friend of the opposite sex, you shouldn't marry or be in a relationship with them. End of. If my husband was to tell me another girl was his best friend, I'd be horrified. I can imagine he would be hurt if I told him another guy was my best friend. Simply because that makes no sense.

I understand your girl being a bit insulted by this. Back off the 'piggy-backing' and the physical stuff with this girl 'friend'. If it's really so innocent it's not necessary. Unless of course, you are on some level attracted to her.

[searock]

Completely agree with what bluesummer said. I used to be the female best friend of my current boyfriend (I still am his best friend), and he was in a long-distance relationship with another girl, who hated me. Eventually he broke up with her and we started dating, we are now in a long term relationship.

You girlfriend has every reason to be worried. I have several male friends, but I make sure to keep a firm distance, physically speaking. I don't hug or tickle or whatever. That's crossing the line. Having good friends of the opposite sex is fine, but you must set some clear boundaries, otherwise it will inevitably blow up in your face somehow (either she falls for you, or you fall for her, or both).

Quick guideline:

1. Do not go on "dates" with your friend. Don't do dinner or lunch at a restaurant or whatever, don't watch movies just the two of you, and so on.
2. Do not have any type of physical contact with her. Piggy rides are definitely out of bounds.
3. Do not chat/text/phone her from 9 PM to 9 AM.
4. Do not talk with her about things that you wouldn't talk about with your girlfriend. This would create a "special intimacy" between you two, that you would miss while with your gf.
5. Do try to always involve your other friends, when hanging out with her. Avoid one-on-one time with her as much as possible.

These are just general guidelines, if for example you have a female best friend who you're friends with since you were 3 years old, and you guys see each other twice a year, then it's fine to go on a dinner "date" with her to catch up on things. But in the great majority of cases, it is not.