help!!! thoughts of suicide

[bloomfield]

i asked for advice here and noone could help me...after my last relationship broke it was the first time i could feel something again, and now i screwed it again, its all for nothing, everytime im just writing what i feel i screw it. i posted at the end what i send her, she didnt reply. i feel like i just want to be death. those thoughts come again and again and i just dont want it to continue.. why does she not even bother replying.. although i put so much effort into it... am i not even worth an answer? if only i wouldnt have to go through this misery anymore..

my letter
so u make me feel very insecure at the moment. im generally very insecure right now, cause i have no clue whether i will stay in spain or in england. spain feels like giving up the personal development of the last years. every experience, every conversation i had does not make sense in spanish, people are different there, i am afraid of going back to myself two years ago in spain. and england feels like giving up home. my language, everything that is familiar, and stable. and i dont want to lose neither of two things, and i have no clue which i can make work for me more easily. it makes me so worried. and it makes me feel insecure that i shared a lot in my first long message yesterday, but that i couldnt see in ur answer u read the end of it. it feels somewhat powerless sharing a lot and not getting a reaction. and in some way this means i cant entirely care for people, because it means i cant just leave my ego entirely away, like i write this because it feels good writing it down, but i have no clue whether it is the most caring thing to do. so again i feel like i have to do something, cause i like change so much. and im aware that all i wrote today and yesterday was probably weird, inappropriate cause i dont really know u, idk, and i understand if u think its annoying or something. but i would like to get an answer. to what i wrote in my first long message. i often create those „decision“ situations with people i want to get close to because i feel if i want to share it starts making me vulnerable and i want to create a situation with two outcomes i can both deal with, quick closeness or quick end. so dont get this the wrong way, but i want an answer by today. i want to skype by today. and if u dont want to, i really hope that u take the time to be a honest, and i will leave u alone.

[Evo1114]

So wait, just to clarify, you went on ONE date with this girl? Or do I have that wrong? If it was only one date, the 'misery' you feel is completely unjustified. You hardly know somebody after just one date. Communicating with somebody online is an entirely different ballgame. If you only went on one date and sent her a message professing your love/obsession, she will not respond. One date is clearly not enough time to develop those types of feelings. You hardly know each other. And it is CERTAINLY not something that should make you want to hurt yourself.

If it was more than one date, sorry for misunderstanding. But even so, nobody is worth killing yourself over. I can guarantee you will meet somebody that will make you forget that this girl ever existed.

[basilandthyme]

Bloomfield, we did help you. Posters told you to not send the letter! It was your choice to ignore the advice.

I read the posts in the wrong order and just reponded on the other thread with the criticism of the letter which you asked for. And to sum it up, I ended my response by saying that I would not respond to the letter in it's current form. The neediness, blame of her and lazy writing style would send me running in the opposite direction. Please see your other post for a more lengthy description.

Honestly, you're blaming this board for not giving the response you wanted....just as you blamed her for your feelings. If you talk to her like you just started this post, it's no wonder she doesn't respond.

And is the other poster right about you just having met her once? (I missed that). If so, right now she'll be seeing you as a crazy stalker type.

Please call a suicide hotline if your despair becomes overwhelming.