still in love with ex boyfriend 2 years after breakup

[xowinterbabyxo]

So my ex and I broke up 2 years ago. He was my only real boyfriend. Anyways, I realized today that I am in love with him still.

You see, we still hangout once in a while ( but we can go two months without hanging out) and everytime I am with him I feel like myself. Thing is my family thinks I dislike him and I say mean things about him to try to make me not like him and it doesn't work. Even my family doesn't know we still hangouts and they all dislike him. If I mention I still like him to them, I will probably get a lecture on how I can do better than him. I had it before after we split. I hate myself for still being in love with him. I can go days without seeing or talking to him thinking I am over him, but one phone call, text, or seeing him in person makes me realize that I still want to be with him. What is wrong with me?

Today he mentioned a girl who was his cuddle buddy and I playfully slapped him ( he wasn't mad) and he realized I was jealous but didn't take it serious. Good I didn't want him too anyways.

I have tried everything to get over the guy. Once I feel like I do.. it falls apart later. I didn't speak to him for 2 months until last friday and he thought I was mad and he really wanted to talk to me. I cant tell my parents this either. I am 19 years old he is 21 if that helps. Thank you . What should I do? Doing stuff I like or hanging with friends doesn't seem to help me either

[xowinterbabyxo]

Its making me sad too and I don't want to be sad

[searock]

You need to do what you should have done as soon as you broke up: go no contact. Don't meet up with him again, don't contact him anymore, block his number so that he cannot contact you. You need to erase him from your life, otherwise the thought of him will always hold you back, like an anchor to your past that you can't get rid of.

[Wakeup]

I can go days without seeing or talking to him thinking I am over him, but one phone call, text, or seeing him in person makes me realize that I still want to be with him. What is wrong with me?

What's wrong with you is that you are letting him stay in your life under his terms which is to see you once a month or less if that's what suits HIM.

Why would you keep a guy who doesn't value you enough to want to be with you everyday? Your whole problem is that you are silly enough to settle for crumbs from him. Stop all contact, tell him to shit or get off the pot. Either he wants to be with you as your boyfriend or he leaves you alone. PERIOD.

Stop being a foolish littly git and take back your personal power. You allow him to treat you like a disposable commodity. Stop doing the to YOURSELF because you're wasting valuable dating time and you'll be missing out on much better partners in the dating pool while you stagnate your emotions by clinging to the floating piece of crap that is him.

[Maple1714]

You need to do what you should have done as soon as you broke up: go no contact. Don't meet up with him again, don't contact him anymore, block his number so that he cannot contact you. You need to erase him from your life, otherwise the thought of him will always hold you back, like an anchor to your past that you can't get rid of.

I don't agree with the "no contact" thing...unless being in contact with someone is harmful to you physically. I recently read an article (wish I remembered where) about how the "no contact" thing actually creates an addiction towards someone. Look, you want to see him and he wants to see you right? Why did you break up 2 years ago? Was the relationship harmful to either one of you?

I assume he broke things off with you? You now talk shit to your family/friends b/c he hurt you and it makes you look/feel better and that was your way of dealing with the break-up pain? But, you never actually dealt with the break-up pain b/c you haven't been being honest with yourself. You are now to ashamed to admit to everyone that you heart was broken and you actually do love this person, despite all their negative traits that you exaggerate to those around you. Take a step back for a minute and try to examine the situation. If you both are not harmful to each other and you both want to hang out....stop giving a shit what anyone else thinks...be honest with yourself and do what you want. You will never get over someone until you are honest with what you want and move through it. It's a process. I think the "no contact" makes the longing and missing the person worse...can make it harder to move on.

[Maple1714]

What's wrong with you is that you are letting him stay in your life under his terms which is to see you once a month or less if that's what suits HIM.

Why would you keep a guy who doesn't value you enough to want to be with you everyday? Your whole problem is that you are silly enough to settle for crumbs from him. Stop all contact, tell him to shit or get off the pot. Either he wants to be with you as your boyfriend or he leaves you alone. PERIOD.

Stop being a foolish littly git and take back your personal power. You allow him to treat you like a disposable commodity. Stop doing the to YOURSELF because you're wasting valuable dating time and you'll be missing out on much better partners in the dating pool while you stagnate your emotions by clinging to the floating piece of crap that is him.

How do we know he doesn't value her? We need more details...who is the one initiating these meet-ups?

[searock]

No contact itself is useless, if she keeps obsessing over him anyway. However, it is the best way to go if one actively moves on from the relationship/breakup, instead of dwelling on it every moment. What they have now is unhealthy because it is neither here nor there, and she lives in this "limbo" from which she is unable to emerge.

I myself didn't follow the no-contact rule with one of my exes, we are still on good terms, even if we only chat online from time to time. This is possible because I don't have feelings for him, so it doesn't affect me negatively. She is clearly still hung up on him, and she needs to move on.

[Wakeup]

How do we know he doesn't value her? We need more details...who is the one initiating these meet-ups?

Maple, no offense but you don't seem to understand what value in a relationship actually means. Its clear he doesn't value her or he wouldn't have broken up with her and he certainly wouldn't only come around once every other month or so.. he'd want to be with her more than that. He may value her for something that is not enough for her so she's just plain emotionally abusing herself by keeping this part-time contact with him.

No contact does not cause an addiction to a person. If it did, none of us would ever get past a death of a loved one to the point where we could function normally. What causes an addiction is the push/pull half-assed contact that keeps one's hope up and their emotions involved with someone that does not value them enough to stay close and love them.

[xowinterbabyxo]

I think he might still value me but I am not sure. I made the choice to block his number once this past September and all was well but I still thought about him or I ended up listening to love songs that reminded me of him. So I unblocked him. He didn't text me for two weeks after I unblocked him ( unblocking him didn't make me not love him anymore.. made me feel more guilty) but when he did he kept saying things like "please answer me. Are you there? Please are you there? "

Then he wondered if I was mad at him and if he did anything wrong. I can't help how I feel. He also says that if I need him just to text him. Like one time this guy was bothering me and he told me " if it happens again give me his address and I'll go punch him myself"

I feel so silly though. Two years almost 3 and still not over him

[Maple1714]

I wanted more information as to why they broke up, who initiates the meet-ups etc...before I decided that he didn't value her at all. I have erased lots of people from my life that I knew didn't value my friendship or me in general.

[searock]

This is insane... you were on the right track when you blocked his number, why did you have to go and listen to love songs that reminded you of him, if you knew they reminded you of him?! You crave those moments when he contacts you and wants you to reply. Why? Learn how to be happy by yourself. You don't need him in any way, and by keeping him in your life in this unhealthy, sick way, you are just allowing more pain to hurt you.

[Maple1714]

I think he might still value me but I am not sure. I made the choice to block his number once this past September and all was well but I still thought about him or I ended up listening to love songs that reminded me of him. So I unblocked him. He didn't text me for two weeks after I unblocked him ( unblocking him didn't make me not love him anymore.. made me feel more guilty) but when he did he kept saying things like "please answer me. Are you there? Please are you there? "

Then he wondered if I was mad at him and if he did anything wrong. I can't help how I feel. He also says that if I need him just to text him. Like one time this guy was bothering me and he told me " if it happens again give me his address and I'll go punch him myself"


I feel so silly though. Two years almost 3 and still not over him

Why did he break up with you in the first place? Why doesn't he not want to be in a relationship with you? Who initiates things when you do get together? Either way it really doesn't matter...Searock is right...you must learn to be happy on your own.

[xowinterbabyxo]

Actually it was a mutual breakup. We couldn't find time to hangout and we haven't been hanging out in a month before the breakup. He was having problems at his previous job and basically was ignoring everyone. I don't know why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me but he's the one that initiates plans with me. I don't really because I don't want to bother him or I get him when he's busy like at work.

[Wakeup]

I think he might still value me but I am not sure.

he values you as a friend. He certainly does not want you to be his girlfriend again. That's totally clear by what you just wrote. So: You allow him to have his cake and eat it too. Tell us you're not still fking him.

Obviously it's impossible for you to maintain a friendship and maintain only platonic feelings for him so why are you toruruing yourself by letting him only give you one little fraction of himself to you?

When you've gotten over someone, they become INDIFFERENT to you and you don't sit there longing for them and stagnating yourself in a one sided emotional affair. Not doing what you have to do to end it outright is emotionally abusing yourself.

I made the choice to block his number once this past September and all was well but I still thought about him or I ended up listening to love songs that reminded me of him.

This is your way of staying addicted to him. You'd rather be mired in your maudalin memories then actually dismiss him from your brain.

So I unblocked him.

You're your own worst enemy.

He didn't text me for two weeks after I unblocked him ( unblocking him didn't make me not love him anymore.. made me feel more guilty) but when he did he kept saying things like "please answer me. Are you there? Please are you there? "

So? What difference does it make if he asked where you were? He doesn't want you the way you want him and you can't get over him when you're giving in to the little crumbs he gives you and thereby keeping him mired in your brain, renting space in there for free.

Then he wondered if I was mad at him and if he did anything wrong.

He did do something wrong, he demoted you from girlfriend to simple friend and then expected you to be just fine and dandy and emotionally accepting of him and what little bit he offers you. Surely you repect yourself more than being so little valued by him... demoted to "just friend?"

I can't help how I feel.

Yes you can. Are you dense? You can do the mental exercises it takes to get to the stage of indifference to him. You think you can't help how you feel because you've never accepted the fact that he doesn't want you for a girlfriend. You've never given yourself permission to let him go from your heart/head and you're being unfair to yourself by keeping him around.. particularily when you believe that you can't get over him... self abuse.

He also says that if I need him just to text him.

Big fking deal.

Like one time this guy was bothering me and he told me " if it happens again give me his address and I'll go punch him myself"

Oh for chrissakes... these are words of manipulation from an immature jerk who, if he ever had any real feelings for you he'd quit being selfish by keeping his part-time self in your life.

I feel so silly though. Two years almost 3 and still not over him

Do the work to get over him and you will. Stop making your thoughts of him and your silly musings your life. Conscously change the subject from him when he pops in your mind, keep yourself busy by doing things you like to do, get a hobby that doesn't entail helping you to think of him (for instance stop listening to maudalin songs that remind you of him). Soon enough, you'll not be short changing yourself by keeping someone in your life who doesn't really want you... not in the way you want him.

Take back your personal power, hike up your gurl balls and tell him that you don't want him in your life if he doesn't want to be your boyfriend and then NEVER contact him again. Done.. first day of you getting over your ex.

[Wakeup]

I wanted more information as to why they broke up, who initiates the meet-ups etc...before I decided that he didn't value her at all. I have erased lots of people from my life that I knew didn't value my friendship or me in general.

It doesn't matter who initiates the contact. If he doesn't want her the way she wants him or if he's just contacting her to **** her, or if he's just curious if she's moved on or not, or he's just making sure he can still pull her, then he does not value her the way she wants to be valued. Your question is moot.

OP: Are you still having sex with him?