Am I bisexual? Does my spouse suspect it?

[dazed53]

For the last 10 years or so, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could be "bisexual" or curious about sexual acts with guys. I have often fantasized about going down on a guy, and look at porn that includes those types of sex acts as well. I have never had an actual experience with a man, but am extremely curious about the act of giving oral sex. However, I am married to an amazing woman, who grew up conservatively and isnt as open minded as I would like. Shes not homophobic, but doesnt have much exposure to these types of things. Recently, my urges to experiment have gotten intense, and frequent. I find myself talking to quite a few female friends, and even family members about my situation in regard to my sexual orientation. I really want to tell my wife, but I am scared beyond belief that she will not understand, and freak out on me. To be quite honest, the fact that I have never had an actual experience sexually may not mean I am bisexual, but I do know that the urge to give oral sex is intense. It seems as though I can talk to everyone but her abotu this, and it has recently came back to bite me, as a couple of her siblings had people tell them I was questioning them in regard to how i came off sexual orientation wise. How do I tell my wife i have fantasies about men? Is there a way to somehow "gauge" her reaction, to see how she might react..or if she currently suspects anything? it should also be noted that I get teased all the time, and have been teased all my life because people think i am gay, or have those tendencies. The following incident happened over a year ago. so i look at the craigslist casual encounters section..alot. never respond to any ads or anything..but i like looking at the couples looking for men section.i search bi couples alot. anyways, about 8 months ago..i left it up on the browser. she saw it. asked me about it that night, and was like why were you on that site? i freaked out immediately and told her it was a pop up, and that i didnt go there on purpose. shes like bull, i clicked back..and saw the pages you looked at. she then asked if i was curious about what type of people posted on there, thats what i told her i mean. she then flat out asks..you arent gay are you? i say no immediately and shes like, then its not a huge deal, just dont lie to me about it.[br>[br>Ultimately, what I would like out of this entire situation is acceptance. My end goal is her accepting this part of me. I have really hated myself for the last how many years because of these urges. I look at a man, and immediately think of how nice his penis might look , or taste..or feel inside of me. Up until lately, the urges were just for the penis..but now..they are towards a certain guy. They have grown in a sense. I get very nervous and anxious around him, not to mention very aroused. Problem is, he is the husband of my wifes best friend. The other reason I want to know what she thinks is because every now and then, she will make little jokes, or comments that indicate to me she suspects something at the very least. She will randomly ask me if I am gay, and play it off as a joke..then when I ask her if she thinks I am, she says Cant you take a joke, I am just giving you a hard time.


I honestly wish i knew exactly what my wife suspected/thought already..that way I think I could approach it better with her. If she does suspect something, then she is really good at hiding it because the times shes made jokes, i will ask her if she thinks i like men or something and immediately she says no.[br>[br>Another issue i am facing is i have talked to quite a few people. Her couple good friends know, which got to her sisters. The sisters said they wouldnt say anything and didnt want to get involved..but part of me wonders if someone will before i get a chance to talk to her. [br>[br>Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more of an accurate read on her suspicions before I fully tell her?

We have kind of talked about it, my wife and i. But it was over electronic means of communication

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, you're probably bisexual. At the very least you're bi-curious.

want to know if you wife suspects? Ask her.

[steviej]

You are married - whether your fetish is for men, women, kids, goats or balloons you have married your wife! Remember the vows?
You said it yourself, she's quite conservative, what do you hope she'll say 'oh you crave cock, yeah sure go suck some dicks, just make sure you brush your teeth before kissing me.'

You want to cheat on your wife. I'd suggest sorting your relationship out with her, seeing as you married her.

[dem862]

If you are sexually attracted to both men and women, you are bisexual. I think most functional couples are able to discuss something as important as sexual orientation. Good luck.

[Fruitsss]

i really though this is a female topic. but doesn't matter this is nasty. and i really think people r just curious when they say the r bisexual.

and you think your family have to know or not but the real think is u are messing your own body and mind by looking for such porn and action,

[bcgirl]

You are bisexual. You've had these urges for so long. It's only a matter of time you decide to act out on these urges when the perfect opportunity arises to cheat on your wife. You need to talk to her. Yes, she may be not understanding...but that is the sacrifice you gotta make. Ya never know... Maybe she'd be into two guys

[bcgirl]

Rent the movie broke back mountain and watch it together. It would be a good ice-breaker

[Wakeup]

If you are sexually attracted to both men and women, you are bisexual. I think most functional couples are able to discuss something as important as sexual orientation. Good luck.

Yea.. but don't you think it would have been more peachier if he had of done that BEFORE he married her?

Op: In your opening post you relay that she has given you several opportunities to come clean with her. You are being selfish by lying to her and I'm sure your sexual relationship with her is suffering by now. Don't be one of these closet homosexuals that keep their secret, have children with their hetrosexual wife and then come out only to leave their wife and family for a man they met on craigs list.

DO NOT CHEAT on her... Don't you be bringing back some STD from having unprotected oral sex. Get this out in the open and let the chips fall where they may or go to a councellor and get these thoughts out of your head. You owe her your honesty and for all you know, she could be jiggy with it and have one hell of a blast with you and another man. STOP BEING A LIAR... Perhaps you can get the conversation started (you missed several opportunities already) by leaving open a photo of two men going at it.

[searock]

I agree with the others - whether you have sex with another woman or with another man, it's still cheating. So, don't do anything like that.

Talk with your wife about it. There is no point in being in a relationship with no honesty.

[bcgirl]

This is quite ridiculous really.... Your friends, family and your wife's sister know about your sexual orientation except for your own lover??!!! You are married for heavens sake. It's not like your a child scared to tell your parents that you are gay because of what they may think or say. And this is exactly what is going on. Your not in a parent-child relationship.

[Fruitsss]

its your obligation to tell your wife , so she can make the right desicion.
and as son as posible.

Its your choice to want to explore those bad stuff. not hers.

[dem862]

Yea.. but don't you think it would have been more peachier if he had of done that BEFORE he married her?

Of course, and in a perfect world he would have. But he didn't. So there is no time like the present. Despite recent gains, there is still a lot of homophobia out there. Many people were raised in denial and refused to admit or accept their own sexual orientation until later in life. I don't fault him for that. But it must really suck for him to be married to someone with whom he can't even discuss the most basic, intimate details of his persona.

[vashti]

I agree with wakeup in that you are being incredibly selfish. This is your WIFE'S life, too. She has a right to make informed decisions about who she wants to be married to. Your angst over your sexual ambiguity doesn't trump her right to know the truth, and finding out later than everyone she knows will only serve to further humiliate her.

Stop being a selfish coward.

And Happy Thanksgiving! lol

[bcgirl]

Are children involved?