Help: Not sure how to handle an actual soul mate situation gone awry

[confusedgir]

Ok so I met this guy online 3 months ago. We hit it off like no one has ever hit it off! He had just got out of a relationship of 7 years, sticky yes, but no pressure so it should be fine. We had the up front conversation right away and I told him that I thought it would be a mistake to not date other people and find himself, as I have been in a similar situation, so we both agreed we'd just keep it casual.

Two months later, of straight up the best dates and conversations in history, both of us fully commit to that statement, we go out for some drinks and he tells me he'l never be able to commit to me. I ask why that would be and he says he doesnt think he'll ever be attracted to me and that my sex and kissing style just isnt his, but he wants more than anything for us to still be friends, he would actually be mortified if he lost this amazing connection he has with me. So meanwhile, Im actually mortified by this conversation and for the first time in my life am rendered speechless. Now a little back story, Im not a big drinker and actually dont remember at all the sex, so he may be right it may be awful, or it may have just been really bad sloppy drunk sex, as Ive never had complaints before in the past, just the opposite actually.

Fastforward, Im in tears, didnt realize how much I liked him till he broke off our little casual relationship and am kind of crushed. But the week goes by and its like we havent even missed a beat in the conversation department, I know I shouldnt be talking to him, but its literally the easiest thing to do in the world, just feels totally natural, for both of us. Im pretty much over it, short rebound I know but Im not an overly emotional person, and its like it never happened, except that he will throw out these random comments about how maybe he made a huge mistake, hes an idiot, has been banging his head against a wall for ruining something special, etc, now we never dwell on them and they kind of just drop and we continue on in our conversation.

This week he drops another comment and after thinking about it I tell him the next day that I cant be friends with him. Hes absolutely crushed and keeps probing as to why. So finally I tell him that when we text he makes it seem like he made a mistake and in real life he makes me feel like im something someone would settle for, which is the furthest thing from the truth Im fun laid back pretty. He comes back with about a million reasons as to why Im amazing. We get into this long emotional conversation where he ends up asking "what it as serious for you as it was for me" I dont understand and ask if he meant he felt too serious or our situation was too serious. He comes back and says that we just clicked so unbelievably well he thought it could get too serious too fast and hes dealing with some of his own internal issues (basically his ex broke him). So next day I tell him the solution here has to be that I continue on dating other people, he continues dating other people and if something happens down the road then it does but that is not why we are friends.

So were still talking still hanging out and its really really good. But I cant help but now feel more after everything that was said and I want more, I think he wants more but is scared. Meanwhile I cant help but think, so was the original reason that he broke it off just a cop out, was he just trying to find a reason and made one up, or is there something to it. I mean there is no way he can deny our personality chemistry so was that just all he had and was seeing an issue that wasnt there? His last comment on the situation was that he just wished he met me after a year of being broken up with his ex, which makes me think his reason was bull, but my confidence in that dept not going to lie a little shaken. Not really 100% sure how to proceed, I dont know if were both in this situation where we are worried were passing up the best relationship weve ever had, if we should just be friends, or if we need to just cut ties! But I know if either of us believed in soul mates, we'd both agree hands down we just found it, like its actually eery!

[smackie9]

Guys don't fear relationships or commitments, there heart isn't truly into that person. He has been very honest with you, and well he is using you to help him heal from his relationship because no one likes to be alone....having someone you have been with for 7 years not in your life anymore is a huge blow, and takes a longtime to adjust to. What you are getting from him is a residual of feelings he had for her that are left over. You and many other females, end up not convinced as to what you are told, sit around and wait for a change....then the change doesn't happen, and are even more messed up over it. It's the wrong time with the wrong guy, you are not getting what you want, it's time to cut ties.

[smackie9]

Tip: he is not your soul mate...you are in the infatuation period of what is called the "honeymoon stage" of a relationship. This is a time of delusion, and avoidance of all reasoning. You will think you want to be with this person forever, will talk about marriage and the future....but it's all just talk, and should never be taken as promises that it will happen. The feeling will fade, sometimes totally drop all together. You really need to remove yourself emotionally and take another look at the situation.

[rachel41]

Did you ask him about sex comment?
ask him why the change in interest in you?
Personally he sounds Wishie washie and not that into you or not ready for new serious relationship due to prior baggage or being hurt by previous GF.
Good luck thats hard one just keep dating him but be guarded cause he sounds not that into you..

[Cerby]

You're not soul mates if you have these kind of problems, sorry to burst your bubble.

[confusedgir]

Ok Im the biggest skeptic in the world, trust me when I say that Id be the first person to smack someone across the head if I heard them say somethin like this. But its really not normal the connection that we have. Hes in Vegas right now and who do you think hes been texting the entire time hes been there. I actually said to him put down the phone and go take it in! We literally have these texting conversations that span DAYS and they are not one sided and more often than not they are initiated by him and when I say they span days I mean they are all day, every day, every hour, to the point where its unhealthy! Were both the type of people who would kick someone to the curb in a heartbeat if they texted more than twice in a day! ANd they are the most fluid random conversations in the world, neither of us can even figure out how these conversations completely just take on a life of their own and will start off about something as random as go carts and two days later we sitting there wondering how the hell that conversation even happened!

I dont even believe in soul mates, never have, but I honestly am not too sure how else to describe this. Everything we learn about each other we have in common, to the point that it doesnt even phase us anymore, the day we dont will be the day we are both shocked.

Since I told him that the comments about making a mistake, etc had to stop, they have. But the undertone is still there and honestly I dont know what to do about it. How can someone just get over being completely hurt by what he said and be ok with that. Im not really too sure about what that says about me as a person, Ive never let a guy walk over me in my life.

He's my date to my Christmas party and Im afraid that come the end of the night Im going to want more than just a hug goodbye. But even worse than me being crushed if it doesnt turn into more, Im worried about how what he said will never go away from the back of my mind if it does. I mean Im a strong, independent and very attractive woman who has to turn guys away left, right and center, in the dress I bought for that Christmas Party and with him saying it was a mistake, the odds of something not happening are pretty slim in my opinion. But after everything that was said I......... I cant even finish that sentence, I just dont &*(&(* know!

[Maple1714]

Why are you taking him to your Xmas party? You should be going alone or taking one of the guys you are turning down left and right. You want more right now and he can't or won't give it to you. I think some people do fear commitment. I think it stems from abandonment issues and/or trauma we go through when very young. Smackie is right though - he is using you as an emotional rebound and someone to fill time with bc he doesn't want to be lonely. Do you really want to be that person o someone? I sure wouldn't. Tell him what you want one last time and then cut off this half ass relationship.

[Mme Desgranges]

He's head f**king you. Don't talk to him again.