Have I completely missed my chance?

[justafriend]

I have feelings for a friend of mine and I had a chance to do something about it, but I got scared and didn't act on it. Now he's dating someone else. I don't know how long I can be "just friends" with him. Here's the story:

I met this guy a few months ago when I moved to a new apartment. He was a friend of my roommate and I would see him occasionally and had a bit of a crush on him, but nothing serious. Then I started to hang out with him more, usually in a group setting, and that crush got more serious. One night, about a month ago, I was hanging out at his place with some other friends of ours and eventually it ended up being just me and him. We talked for hours and stayed up really late and I ended up sleeping in his bed, and he made a subtle move (he put his hand on my hip) and I really really wanted to do something, but I freaked out because I really like him and I didn't do anything. Basically the same thing happened two more times. I slept in his bed, there was some cuddling, but nothing really happened. Then I went away the weekend before Halloween. He hooked up with a woman that weekend and now he's been seeing her for a little over three weeks. I don't think the relationship is all that serious at this point, but I don't know if they're exclusive or if he would consider her his girlfriend (I haven't heard him refer to her as that, but he also tends not to bring her up all that often). I should mention that the third time I slept over was during the first week he was dating this woman. A week after that, he made out with a girl at a bar at a mutual friend's birthday. I don't know if that was his way of indicating that he's not interested in me, or if it was nothing more than a drunken make out. The woman he's been seeing was on a cruise last week and I hung out with him a lot during the week and this weekend, but we didn't get much time alone. I hung out with him for a while today, but she came back this morning and came over to his place later so he's definitely still seeing her.

When he and I are alone, there is some mild flirtation and he doesn't move away if I get close to him or put my head on his shoulder, for example. I think that at one point, he saw me as potentially more than a friend, but because of my hesitation, he moved on. I'm really unsure of how he feels about me now. We've never mentioned what's happened between us (although we never actually hooked up) and we've never had a "let's just be friends" conversation. My question is: have I completely missed my chance?

I don't know if I should tell him that I'm interested in him or if I should wait to see what happens with the woman he's dating. Should I just try to be more flirtatious or completely leave it alone for now? Do you think the feelings could still be there, or did he definitely move on? If I admitted my interest, do you think he would be freaked out? I sort of thought it was obvious that I liked him, but the way that I've acted probably hasn't projected that. Any advice?

[searock]

It seems like he just wants you for sex. How close are you two as friends? Not very close, right? Since you have feelings for him, I strongly suggest you do NOT have sex with him before telling him that you are looking for something serious, rather than just a casual hook-up.

[justafriend]

We've definitely become closer friends in the last month, but we've only known each other for about 5 months and I've only really started to hang out with him for the last two months. I definitely won't have sex with him before talking to him about this, especially not if I knew he was seeing another woman, but I guess my question is whether I should say something or not. It sounds like you think he's not interested in a relationship with me at this point, so I will probably not get the response I'm hoping for. I guess for now all I can do is wait and see what happens.

[searock]

Well... I do think you should talk with him. He is definitely attracted to you and he showed it to you, you just don't know if he might be interested in an actual relationship with you. There's only one way to find out with he does: tell him that you have a crush on him and would really like to go on a date with him sometime. Then if he agrees, during the date tell him that you are looking for something meaningful and not just a hook-up. See how he reacts and ask him what he wants.

[justafriend]

Would you suggest talking to him about this even though he's seeing someone? Like I said, I don't know how serious it is with her, but I don't want to assume anything about their relationship.

[searock]

Since they've only just started seeing each other (not even a month), I think you should talk to him anyway. You would simply be telling him how you feel, it would be up to him to act on it or not.

[justafriend]

Well thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. I'll wait for a good time to talk to him and work up the courage to say something.

[thebloodycoon]

I think you should definitely talk to him honestly and see how he reacts. I myself appreciate when a girl is honest with me, instead of playing mind games. I cannot know what he thinks/feels for you, but it somehow seems to me that to this guy you are just one of the many, he wants to have sex with you and then continue chasing other women. But as I said, that's just one's opinion, you should try to talk to him about your interest and intentions, but don't frighten him with some extremely serious talks, like you'd wanna marry him a month in the relationship Good luck!