I Need Some Advice

[KRISTI S]

hello all. I am new. I have a problem. I am recently separated and have filed for divorce. There was good friend (man) in my life 7 years ago. We had feelings for each other. I nearly divorced my husband for him then. Now that i am getting a divorce which he has nothing to do with, i need someone else's perspective on our relationship. We had a long talk the other night about how we felt toward each other and it is very apparent that he has the same feelings toward me that I have toward him. He says tho, that since he has been single for such a long time ( 7 years) that he wants to get things in order before he settles down (house, business doing well, etc). I think he's really the "one" and has been for all this time. It sounds to me like he feels the same way. What do you think?

[Noemi23]

Yeah he is.... but give him some space to think
COngratulations!!!

[KRISTI S]

thanks! I know he needs space but he still wants me to come around. A friend told me that if I am just there for him, he will come around alot sooner than I think.

[ALovelyLady86]

My question is... why would he want a woman who would leave her husband for him? Youll probably just leave him for another dude...
Didnt you feel your husband was the one too? Why did you marry him if you didnt?

[Only-virgins]

This is wierd. I always thought you marry the "one" and to find him you date people. I always assume that when someone is married that they found their perfect "one". People! if you like someone else then dont get married with other people lol.

Yeah he is.... but give him some space to think
COngratulations!!!

Well since you answered so bluntly with a yes like you are 100% sure then I willl assume you have some psychic special powers. Can you tell me were my the "one" is?

My question is... why would he want a woman who would leave her husband for him? Youll probably just leave him for another dude...
Didnt you feel your husband was the one too? Why did you marry him if you didnt?

^yea, that.

[KRISTI S]

My husband and I got married very young. I was 16 and he was 18. I never really dated much. We tried for 12 years and just had to give up. I did think my husband was the "one" when I was 16. I know better now. What I feel toward my "friend" who I have known since we were little, is just right. I can't explain it, but I am willing to let him sort things out as its alot to swallow at once. I was going to leave my husband 7 years earlier because I was not really "in" love with him anymore, but I stayed for my little girl.

[ALovelyLady86]

Stayed for the kids... biggest buncha bull I ever hear from every cheater... hate that!
IF YOU ARENT IN LOVE, DONT GET MARRIED!
If you thought this friend was the one since you were "little" why did you marry the other dude in the first place?

[KRISTI S]

Our lives went in different directions. I changed schools. He didn't come back into my life until after I was married for 5 years and hubbby and I were having problems. I moved back to where I was raised and he was still there. Now that things are the way they are (husband living with his girlfriend) I felt like I needed to see what I had been missing. 3 Weeks later, here I am. I know where he stands. He wants to be with me. Should I let him get things in order and give him all the space in the world or just be there for him as a friend in the meantime? That is how all of this between us started anyways.

[KRISTI S]

Oh and we never did anything with each other except talk. So I didn't physically cheat. Maybe emotionally, I don't know. I was being verbally abused at the time by my husband.

[ALovelyLady86]

If he wants to be with you why doesnt he...want to be with you now? I dont understand that. I always though that if a man wanted to be with me, no matter what situation I was in he would be here for me... seems logical right?

[KRISTI S]

I can see it from both directions. He has been trying to get his business going, which it is starting to. Because he is a farmer and equipment is very expensive so he has been living with his parents to cut down expenses. He wants to have his house built and be able to provide for me. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I told him I would take him as he was, but I understand why he wants to be stable when he settles down. I have 2 kids and he wants to be sure they are well taken care of. I hope you can see it both ways too.

[ALovelyLady86]

I can... the last guy I dated said the same thing. He had a landscape company, a $50,000 truck, lived with his mommy and told me he wanted to get all that paid off before he would be with me because he "wanted us to be financially stable". The whole time I knew hey, if he wanted to be with me he wouldnt have bought that $50,000 truck lol..I left him

[KRISTI S]

well he has bought all of this before I have been "available" and would have probably dove in before that. Now he don't want to saddle me with his debt for farm equipment. I don't mind about the house. I will just sell mine and move back to the country with him, but we do have to have a house to live in, lol. He is supposed to bring the plans for it the next time I see him. I have never known someone in this situation before, so I learning as I go I suppose. I do know he would never do the things that my husband did. He wants to kick his butt, lol

[ALovelyLady86]

Well just dont be in such a hurry... take your time with it all...

[KRISTI S]

lol, i know, I have never been a very patient person and he's never been the one to be in a hurry. Thanks for talking to me. Its a very involved situation. Everyone keeps telling me that everything happens for a reason.