Girlfriends past is effecting our relationship. PLEASE HELP!

[naterwader]

PLEASE READ IT ALL. PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME TO HELP ME. I APPRECIATE SO SO MUCH!

I don't know where to start so I guess I will just start typing. I met my girlfriend in High School, seven months ago. We met each other in class and we never really talked at first. Until I made the first move and I started to talk to her. I took her lanyard when she wasn't looking and she saw that I was interested in her. (I'm a big goofball and I love making people laugh and making them smile.) Since then we started talking in class and started hanging out after school. The very first time we went on a date. It was a very fun and relaxing date. Got ice cream and went to a park. While we were at the park she started talking about her past. She told me how she was in foster care and how her mom would tell her horrible things about her that were not true. (Key part in how she seeks attention in my opinion. I didnt know this back then but I do now. She likes when people feel sorry for her and she needs so much attention because she never had anything for 13 years of her life. Until she was adopted.) I told her how wonderful she was and how strong she was for being able to smile and be happy. (She still feels all the pain but she never shows it. She hates being alone because she always thinks about her past.) A few weeks past. More hanging out. More talking to each other and I finally asked the question if she wanted to put a title on us and become boyfriend and girlfriend. The first time she said no. I thought no big deal. I kept being her friend. I kept giving her attention and telling her how great she was. And while all this was going on she was also seeing another guy that she said she wasn't dating but I could tell they were. When I was by them she would sit by him and not me. She would show him more attention. Just the typical stuff she did that you could tell something was going on between them. But she didn't want to tell me they were dating. (She said that she knew if she had told me that they were dating that I would have backed off and not have tried to become more then friends with her.) A few more weeks went by and I asked her if she wanted to make it official again and this time she said yes. She said she had to do one thing first. The next day at school she took her boyfriend aside and broke up with him. They never really talked after that. Only when they saw each other in the hall at school would they talk.


So then we started dating. Everything was going great. I made sure I liked the characteristics she had. I took things slow before I asked her to become official. And It payed off. I felt like I was dating my best friend. I absolutely loved it. We have so much in common and she was such is such an amazing girl. The third day we were dating we were at my house watching tv. She was nervous on what she was going to do next so she took my blanket. Put it over my eyes and gave me a kiss and said I love you. I was shocked it was so soon. And being who i'am and me being put on the spot. I said I love you back. She said sorry that it was really early to say that but I feel I do. It didnt bother me. She is a great and wonderful friend and I felt like I did too at that time. So I didn't have a problem saying it back. Things happens in our relationship that made it hard on us to focus on us. Her and her foster mother got into fights and when she turned 18 she got kicked out. I took it upon myself to find her a new place to live. I took it upon myself to load all her stuff in my car and take it to her sisters house where she was now living. I took it upon myself to drive her to work (Which I got her that job. Same place I work.) I drove her to school and we still went out on dates. I devoted my life to making hers better because I didn't her to ever be hurt by anyone elts. I neglected my family. I neglected my friends to be with her. She would get sad when I wasn't with her. She saying how much she misses me. Even tho it may have been a few hours since I seen her last. I tried and I gave her the world. I get her my 100%. And that's where I find myself stuck at.

She met this guy a week ago. Hes 25 shes 18 still in school. Met each other through mutual friends. One night she told him everything about what happens to her in her past. More then what she told me when she first met me. She told him how her and her sisters were raped and abused by her step dad. How she was starved and at nothing for a very long time. How he wouldn't let her go to the bathroom she she peed in the dirty laundry. She told him how her mom would beat her and tell her she would never be loved. How she was a retard because her real dad was her moms cousin. And now she tells herself she is in love with him because he showed so much shock and so much sorrow she felt like he really cared for her. She brakes up with me after 6 months saying she cant be with anyone right now that she needs to work on her personal problems and she isn't fit into being in a relationship right now. (Which I agree 100%) But in reality I think she wanted to be with him. He told her things about how wonderful she was that I never did. (Because I was too caught up into doing everything I could to make her life easier. I made her rely on me. My life was all about her.) They talk so much. More then we talk now. But she has told me that she loves me. That our love is real. And the love with him was made up because he showed he cared. But they still talk. They still say I love you to each other. And I fear its to late so save our relationship. I don't know what to do. She dosn't want to feel pain so she started drinking. I told her that if you drink for the wrong reasons you will get more depressed. And I will lead to addiction.

We have talked about this. I asked her who he was. She said he was a friend. I saw texts and I saw other pieces to the clue. I called her out on her **** and she went into defense mode and started telling me to go away. (we were parked in my car at the time and she got out and started walking when I called her out about what I have found out) I fallowed her asking her what she is doing what she is. Why she is throwing away our relationship for a guy she met 5 days ago. All she was saying was for me to go home. We get to a fast food place and I kept asking her why. I told her that I deserve and explanation on what was going on. But she wouldn't listen. Finally the 25 year old pulls up in his car. She gets in. And they drive off. She got in a car with another man!

She gets mad when people tell her that what she is doing isn't right. And when she calms down she knows that what she did was not right at all. She knows that I'm hurt with everything that has happens. She knows that she put too much stress in my life, took me away from my family and friends. She knows that she has hurt me in ways that she never wanted to. But she isn't hurt by it. Because she has been through much worse.


Now I know I shouldn't take what she has done to me personal. I know that she does truly love me. I know this because I have done nothing to her. Iv done more for her then more people at my age would ever do. (I'm 18 years old.) But she still talks the the 25 year old guy! she still tells him that she loves him. I have done everything for her and more. I have given everything to her and more. BUT SHE STILL NEEDS MORE I give her 100% of me 100% attention, love, respect, happiness, Everything! But she still needs more. I don't know if there is still things that she isn't tell me about them. But I just don't know why she needs more from other people. I get her 100% and she needs another 50% from someone elts. She as asked for a second chance but I don't see her doing anything to change. I told her things that I will work on. Like for now on ill be truthful. I wont assume things. Ill tell her how I fell about things. Every day telling her how much she means to me. Don't argue about the little things. ect..
But I don't feel she is making any effort on wanting to change. I don't know if its because she dosnt know how. Or if its because she dosnt want to? Or if its because she needs to find someone or something to show her what life is all about. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID WAS WRONG AND SHE BROKE UP WITH ME BEFORE SHE CONTENUED TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE SHE DIDNT WANT HURT ME.

If you have questions please ask. I didnt proof read what I just typed but I hope it makes sense. I hope you can help.

My question to you guys are.
1. What should I do? Should I leave? Should I still fight for her?
2. Why is she still talking to the 25 year old guy?
3. Where did I go wrong? Did I do anything wrong?
4. How do I show her what life is all about.
5. Is it in fact that her past life is making her act this way?
6. How can she help herself?
7. How can I help myself?

[naterwader]

Thank you for your concern.

[Boisdevie]

Thank you for your concern.

That's OK. I was so concerned that I read your entire post. Just joking. I've got better things to do than read your entire life story - you know, stuff like cut my toenails, pick fluff out of my navel.

[Fruitsss]

That's OK. I was so concerned that I read your entire post. Just joking. I've got better things to do than read your entire life story - you know, stuff like cut my toenails, pick fluff out of my navel.

whahahahahahahahahha, im happy there is someone worse then me. lol

[steviej]

I got about half way and my eyes fell out of my head.

OP, girl is broken, you can't fix her. Read up on 'white knight syndrome' because that's you.
She'll use you and ditch you when someone better comes along, she's mental, get out now.

[naterwader]

Steve you're right. I really do think I have white knight syndrome. She is broken and I do wish I could fix her.

[steviej]

You can't. It's down to her to sort herself out. You need to remove yourself from the situation because even if she does somehow sort her head out, she will no longer want you anyway.


For your own sanity, dump the crazy bitch.

[Mme Desgranges]

PLEASE READ IT ALL. PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME TO HELP ME. I APPRECIATE SO SO MUCH! My question to you guys are.
1. What should I do? Should I leave? Should I still fight for her?
2. Why is she still talking to the 25 year old guy?
3. Where did I go wrong? Did I do anything wrong?
4. How do I show her what life is all about.
5. Is it in fact that her past life is making her act this way?
6. How can she help herself?
7. How can I help myself?

1. She dumped you because she'd rather be with this other guy. She's told you that straight out.
2. She likes him.
3. No, she just likes him more than you.
4. You're not a couple any more. Let go.
5. Not your concern any more.
6. Not your concern any more.
7. Let her go and find someone new who likes you.