What Are His Intentions?

[cme4heart8]

I have a few questions, hope this wont take too much of your time. Well I met this guy on the internet about two months ago. We've been talking on the phone for almost a month before we decided to meet up. We've gotten to know eachother quite well over the past month. He's a 33 year old dentist, and I'm 20, just got out of a 3 year relationship with a 32 year old man 3 months before. Many of my friends are in their late 20s or early 30s, because I can relate to people who are a bit older. He use to call me a lot during work, after work and every night before he goes to bed. For the past two weeks, he has been calling me a lot less. Now it's more like once after work to talk for
a few minutes, and then about 30 minutes before he goes to bed at night. It is just a big drastic change. He lives about 35 minutes away without traffic, but after work he's usually really tired and coming to me will take about 1 hour and a half just to get to me, so he usually goes out with his friends who are around his area after work. He knows I'm dating other guys, and he tells me to "wait for him". He said that he will make an effort to make time for me, but then he gets out of work early Saturdays and usually go out with his friends. He sees me after 12am when he gets back from his friends. I mean, it
doesn't seem like he's trying hard enough to see me. I don't know if he's really interested in me, or if he's just saying those things. He tells me that he's very attracted to me, and that he likes my personality. I mean I'm a bit chubby, and he's very good looking, has everything made, big house nice cars, everything. WHy would he be after a chubby girl like me? I'm sure there are plenty of HOT girls after him, so I don't know if he's being sincere with me. Sometimes he's very honest with me, he tells me things even though he knows those are the things that I hate most. He tells me everything, even when he was younger he had one night stands and so on, and he tell me those things. But sometimes, the things that he says jsut doesnt add up. Like the other night, he didnt call me until 12am. I asked him what he's been up to, he said he came home around 8pm, his mother didnt feel well so took her to the ER. I use to work at a hospital so I know how things work...I know it did not take him 3 hours to go into the ER. It just doesn't add up. For some reason, he always think that I'm testing him or questioning him, and it irritates him. Is he trying to avoid questions? I even asked him if I could give him a hicky to see what he would say. He said he absolutely hate it, because he is a professional, that is understanable, but I said okay what if it's somewhere you can hide it? and he still says NO. I mean if you were really interested in someone, you would always make time for them right? and if you were really attracted to someone, why would a hicky be so much to ask? I'm just very confused. People who has higher status usually prioritize their life differently from others? I'm sure he knows that he coudl get any girl, why would he be after a girl like me? I have nothing, I'm chubby. I don't have the perfect body. I'm sure there are plenty of beautiful women after him...I just don't understand. What are his intentions towards me? Today was the first time he didn't call me. I know its been only a day, but still, for the past two months we talk EVERDAY. I think he is upset because when he said he's sort of annoyed by my questions, I just said "I'm not questioning you or testing you, those are just simple questions. I just wanted to know how your day went. I'm in no position to question you. I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not even dating you nor do I even want to." I think that ticked him off. Please help? I don't know what his intentions are towards me...Any advice is much appreciated! Thanks in advance.

[ALovelyLady86]

I've been to the ER plenty of times with kidney stones and would be in there for 6 hours... no lie...
I think since you guys both date other people, and this is a pretty casual thing, it doesnt seem too bad. You guys still talk quite a bit it seems and if hes honest with you more power to you both. Honesty is important, and if you feel hes being honest then he probably is. Women know when guys are being dishonest for the most part...we just know
Good luck!

[cme4heart8]

Well he told me that he has a pretty hectic schedule, so he isnt seeing anyone or even talking to any girls at the moment. But no one could ever be too busy for someone they're interested in. It doesn't seem like he's making an effort to see me. He can be pretty honest about certain things, but sometimes the things that he tells me he's doing...it just sounds fishy, and doesn't add up.

[ALovelyLady86]

You know whats best.... follow your gut

[Prodigal]

Be prepared. I'm going to go all out here.

So you say that you think he is not very interested in you. That he hangs out with his friends when he could be hanging out with you. However, you say that he calls(called) you every day, several times. During work/after work/before he goes to bed. That sounds like a LOT of interest to me. And this is every day or nearly every day? I don't think most people talk to a single person that much. I think that shows a great amount of interest. He spends time with his friends? It's understandable; although he has interest in you, you are not the only thing in his life. It seems as if his friends are important to him also. You say that he sees you afterwards sometimes anyway.

Okay, as for the whole argument based off of "I bet a bunch of HOT girls are going after him", I think it's a load of b.s. I really don't think it's relevant at all. Maybe, just maybe (of course it may not be), he likes your personality a LOT. So much that it doesn't matter if there are 'hotter' girls going after him. Looks have a lot to do with lust. Hence his one-night stands when he was younger. Maybe he's gotten past this. Maybe, just maybe, he wants something more substantial. A relationship in which looks have little to do with it (except for means of physical attraction). Just because there may or may not be a lot of girls flocking after him doesn't mean that he doesn't want YOU. Maybe he doesn't care about them because he cares about you. Have you thought that he doesn't have time to go out with other girls because of all the time he spends talking to you on the phone or going to see you? And then he asks you to wait for him, and you think he's not interested? Look, a lot of guys may say something like that to play with a girl's heart. To me, it seems like this guy is not one of them. I think he's being sincere. Because if what you say is true, that there are hotter girls pursuing him and he wasn't interested in you, wouldn't he go after them and forget about you? But he still talks to you, a lot. Almost every day.

As for the hicky thing, I think that maybe it's something you shouldn't hold against him. If he said yes, then what would you have thought? My guess would be that he thought that you would think him superficial for it, in that he wants you because of sex or something. What does the situation of you giving him a hicky have anything to do with his interest in you? Sure, the want of a hicky shows sexual interest. And maybe it is there, but he hid it so as not to cover up his true interest in you. Interest he has in you personality-wise. Interest that goes beneath the surface and carnal desires.

"I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not even dating you nor do I even want to." You say this probably ticked him off. He shows this great interest in you, and you suspect him because you don't think you're good enough for him. You think that he can get so much better. So much better in what? In looks? Maybe, but you know what? Maybe he doesn't want that. Maybe he wants you because he likes the way you are. And if so, then you don't have nothing. If that is the case, then you have EVERYTHING, and nobody else has anything.

Please, please, PLEASE. My advice is going to be very blunt: stop looking at the superficial qualities that shallow people look for in a relationship when it comes to this guy being interested in you or not. So you think that you have nothing? I don't know your situation other than what I have read. But it seems you mean 'nothing' as in terms of what most shallow people look for when it comes to relationships: money, looks, and sex appeal. So there are girls going after him who may have more of that than you, and so are appealing in that way. Well, maybe he doesn't want that. Maybe he wants you because you have something that you have, and nobody else has. YOUR PERSONALITY.

[misombra]

prod...that was really sweet.

and i agree.

who the hell cares if you're "chubby"? only you do. because he obviously doesn't. you are pushing this person away and only you know why. why?

why the hell does he need to have a hickey on him to make you happy? hickeys are for middle school children, not for professional, working adults.

if he didn't like you because you are "chubby" in the first place, do you think he'd ask you to wait for him, or get upset when you tell him that you're not his girlfriend?

what do YOU think his intentions are?

what makes you think that you don't deserve somebody who has done well for themselves?

[Chlorine]

cme4heart8-----"He said that he will make an effort to make time for me, but then he gets out of work early Saturdays and usually go out with his friends. He sees me after 12am when he gets back from his friends. I mean, it doesn't seem like he's trying hard enough to see me."

Dentists are busy people, they see patients and they spend a whole day looking at rotten teeth. He probably likes to unwind after work, talking shop with friends. He's relegated you to the 12.00am slot after them. Reason being that he knows you will wait for him. Thing is, do you want to sit around and wait? I don't think he's making much of an effort.

[ALovelyLady86]

I would give anything to have a man like that lol...oh boy

[cme4heart8]

Okay I think I know why he is upset at me. I think he saw a picture of me and my friend kissing me on the cheek. My face was turned a bit, so in the picture, it really look like I was kissing my friend on the lips. I've tried calling him earlier today left a brief message like "Hi K, just wanted to see what you're up to, and see how your mom is doing. I guess you're busy, so I'll talk to you later" I mentioned his mom, because I wanted him to knwo that I believe he went to the ER that night. He hasn't returned my call, I guess that message just tells him that I have no idea what is goign on or that I don't notice that he doesn't call me anymore. My friend told me to leave this message "hi k, it's r. hey sorry about what's been going on lately, it's just that you're the first guy that I'm really interested in lately and I don't know what to do sometimes. I sorry if I acted weird. I like to continue to get to know you better and I hope you feel the same way too. Give me a call or text and let me know if you would like to continue this or not" I think that is a bit much and too straight forward. It's like telling him, hey I like you! I'm waiting to get rejected. I was thinking of calling him to leave this message "Hi k, it's r. Things have been different lately, is something wrong? I just wanted to apologize about the comment i made the other night, i didnt mean it. I really do want to still get to know you. if you feel the same way, gie me a call back?" THey said that that sounds bad. WHY? I wan't him to know that I know he's upset at me, and I apologize for makign that "I don't even want to date you" comment that I made, and let him know that I'm still interested in him that I still want to talk to him and get to know him better. I wan't to call him, but I don't know EXACTLY what to say. I know he's not goign to pick up, so I'll end up leaving a message...Can someone help me out?

[ALovelyLady86]

Dont leave a message...and if you do... dont let it say anything about how you notice his rejectment... seriously...
Let things just happen ok? He'll call you eventually and if he asks about the picture tell him what it is...
Or, you could bring up the picture later on in a non chalant way... like say..have a night where you start going through old picture albums and make sure you put that pic in there... then say "oh this is a picture of me and my friend... it looks like were kissing doesnt it? hehehehe"
That way he'll be automatically releived and he'll forget about it...
Most of the time with things like this that really have no relevancy, you have to kinda bring it up like that...instead of just saying are you mad because of that picture... cause it might embarass him when he finds out you werent kissing.

[Converse]

I'm not being harsh but find another man, I know it's not as easy as that but find some one who hasn't got a hectic life. You seem quite insecure and I doubht you need to be, I'm chubby and my b/f love's my body and I bet your guy does too. But this situation sounds too stressful, he doesn't sound like he's willing to make a relasionship with you find some one who can.

[cme4heart8]

I left him a message earlier saying "hi K, it R. Things has been a little different lately,I sense that there's somethign wrong, is somethign wrong? It's just out of your character to not return my calls or text. If it's about the comment I made the other night, I just wanted to apologize, I didn't mean it. If I said somethign to upset you or some misunderstandings, it would be nice if you told me. I do still want to get to if you feel the same way, give me a call back". He just called me back a few minutes ago. He said that he was just a little irritated cuz he felt like iw as interrogating him and that it reminded him of his ex and he doesnt like that. He also said that he's been very busy, but didnt tell me what he's been busy doing. I didn't want to pry. He mentioned about his cousin had marriage problems, his ex called him and said she miss him and want him back and he said a another girl friend of his is asking for help to look for a place to stay around his area. So for the past 2 months, none of this happends...and all of a suddent all these chicks are after him again. I'm just really jealous. I hope he's not going to get back with his ex. When he was talking to me, he didn't say much, seems like he was just trying to keep it friendly. Also he mentioned about the picture he saw me kissing my friend. He said it was LIPS, but i only kissed on the cheek, but it looks like lips. He just asked who that person was and how long ago was the picture. I don't know if he's still interested in me or not, it doesn't sound like it. I mean usually he calls me everday, but it's been 3 days, he couldn't of been that busy not to even take a few seconds to call me. I guess he was just really busy with that girl friend of his and his ex...Do you guys think he's still interested in me?

[Converse]

It sounds like he's messing you around, I think you can do better. I know you said you like older guys but maybe date some one younger who has less ties and commitments and have fun, you don't need this stress, plenty of time for that! He must be interested if he keeps calling, don't leave message's and stuff let him do all the running.