Odd situation - boyfriend's best friend is gay

[EllieN]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2.5 years now.
Recently, well about a year ago, his best friend moved back into our town.
His best friend is gay, and just to be clear ..no, my boyfriend is not gay at all haha.
Since his friend has moved back, it's really strange for me. Since he is gay, he has a lot of friendship needs that I also need from my boyfriend, like talking about
problems alone, talking about futures, all that jazz.
Its just strange to me. I'm not used to guys having to talk about all of these things or get together to talk about them. I know that since he is gay, he kind of has personality traits like a girl such as catty, a little more dramatic than I'm used to, and a little bit of clingy-ness (not trying to generalize us girls, but I do see this more in girls than guys in my own personal experiences).
It bothers me, and I in no way want my boyfriend to get rid of any friends or anything, but its hard for me to handle that someone else needs the same things that I need from my boyfriend friend-wise.
Its an odd circumstance, and I feel like no one can relate because I dont see straight guys having a gay best friend too often.
When he hangs out with any of his other friends, its just playing video games, having a few beers, or doing whatever. But when he hangs out with his best friend they always have to talk about deep things or his friend's problem..i dont know. Its like its conflicting to me with what I want with my boyfriend.
I dont feel insecure with him, we have a close friendship and relationship, but it still bothers me.

Am I wrong to think this way? I feel like its selfish, and it probably is, but it really really bothers me. I dont really want to bring it up to my boyfriend because I feel like no one is really doing anything wrong, and there really is no solution. I just need help getting over it, or a better insight to make me see the situation
differently.

Any help would be amazing, thank you for reading!

[bcgirl]

At least his best friend isn't a pretty girl!

[thebloodycoon]

I have a (male) friend that is not gay(as far a I know), but has got a lot of those personal traits that are more common for girls, like he talks a lot more about feelings than us other guys, he likes to talk on the phone a lot longer than I consider normal, he hangs out with girls that consider him a friend(as I see it - he is the same to them as one of their girl friends) and they talk about stuff that girls usually talk about(mostly talking about other people, gossip etc).

Also, he's got these gestures and hand/body movements that are usually found in gay males, so when there are other people around they sometimes assume that he's homosexual. I am not very comfortable when my other friends are around and he's around too, that's an awkward situation. Especially the ones that do not know him very well, but do know me and they do know me as very different from what he's representing.

But, aside from all that - this guy is a very good friend, so I'm not even gonna think about ending my friendship with him because of what other people think of him.

So, I guess that's my point of view on this - I'm just guessing that your boyfriend would think the same as I do - that he wouldn't give up his friend because of something irrelevant.

What I think you should do is talk to your boyfriend about this, tell him subtly that you have noticed how different this gay friend is from most other guys, just mention the topic and see how he reacts. When people tell me that, I just say - "yeah, I know he is.." and try to change the subject because I do not know what to say. Maybe he will do the same if he feels the same way.

My final point from this comment is this - I think you should be more open and honest with your boyfriend, tell him what you've shared here(of course, you can do it carefully so that he doesn't think you're requesting him to ditch his gay friend).

I've always found myself in a situation where I've thought of a problem over and over again, lose some sleep over it, and yet when I mentioned it to my girlfriend it seemed that we found a solution quickly.

Listen to the great philosophers Pink Floyd when they say: "It doesn't have to be like this, all we need to do is make sure we keep talking"

[AnnonymousMan]

How long has he and this gay guy been friends? Me and my best friend do the same shit it sounds like. If they have been life long friends then you just need to accept this. Do not think or get jealous that this gay dude is taking your boyfriend from you or that your boyfriend no longer has the ability to listen to you too since he is listening to this gay friend. You are just insecure about it. The problem is evidently you. My advice is to sit down with yourself and go over why it is you feel like it is such a big deal. Your boyfriend has just as much, if not more, time for you to talk to him and all of that about future things. This gay friend isn't stripping you of any rights or stripping your boyfriend of anything. He is simply his friend and you should feel proud that you have a unique boyfriend who has a gay best friend.

[surfhb]

I'll go a step further and say you're sounding like a selfish bitch Get over yourself because this guys been a part of his life much longer than you. Really? Is this the only you could come up with to bitch about? I mean I know you're a woman and all but c'mon!

[EllieN]

I'll go a step further and say you're sounding like a selfish bitch Get over yourself because this guys been a part of his life much longer than you. Really? Is this the only you could come up with to bitch about? I mean I know you're a woman and all but c'mon!

haha I know that you're right. I feel ridiculous but hey I can't help that it bothers me! Thanks everyone for your input, I think I just needed someone else to tell me to shut up and it's not a big deal. I have no idea why I am insecure about this but that's what I have to figure out. I guess if that's my biggest relationship problem, I don't have it that bad