A Very Messy Situation

[pierogilova]

I was involved in quite the messy situation this year. I'll give as much information as I can.

This girl and I met 5 years ago in college. We never hung out but we kept in touch. We live about three hours apart now. We finally hung out in March of this year. We hooked up and had fun together. We didn't text each other too much. She would ask me to come down to visit quite a bit. Since I work some weekends and we live a few hours apart it was hard to see each other. But I went down again in April and we were getting closer to each other. We had a lot of fun together. Then I went down again in May. She introduced me to her friends. I stayed the night with her again and it was all good. It wasn't getting too serious and I liked that we were taking it slow. We agreed that to hang out again in a few weeks in June. I remember her saying back in March that she wanted this one DVD...so in late May I mailed it to her. I let her know that I sent something to her so be sure to be on the look out for it in the mail. She went home for a few days because her grandpa died. I sent her a comforting text and let her know I'd be thinking about her. I didn't hear anything back. Then when she got back to her apartment I waited a few days and still didn't hear from her if she got the DVD or not. I kindly asked her if she got the DVD in the mail but I didn't hear back. I waited a week or so and told her that if I came on too strong and scared her away that I'm sorry and didn't mean to. And that I liked coming down to hang out and that we didn't have to take things too seriously right now.

But I still didn't hear from her. I was frustrated and confused. We were pretty close and always got along even as friends...we weren't officially together but we were real cool with each other so I didn't understand why she never got back to me. I waited a couple more weeks. And then I still didn't hear from her. I was getting pretty pissed. She wasn't with anyone else. She would have tweeted about it. I didn't flip out on her but I said she didn't have to blatantly ignore me and sarcastically said "Oh and you're welcome for the DVD!" But I didn't hear from her ALL SUMMER. I had no idea what I did wrong. I didn't do anything wrong.

I didn't know why she wouldn't just talk to me to let me know what's up. Ignoring me made the situation worse. I wanted to know what was going on. Why no response after she got the DVD? Why leave me guessing? If she didn't want to hang out anymore or if she just wanted to be friends then just say it. I'd be OK with that. But ignoring me made me feel like I did something wrong. I didn't do anything wrong though...not yet anyway.

In early August I showed up at this one bar just to talk and clear things up. She was pretty pissed at me at first but then calmed down. We talked and she said she appreciated the DVD. And that she was out of town for a week in June and didn't have service so that's why she never got back to me. That sounded like a lame excuse. She could have gotten back to me at some point in the summer. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She said things were cool, we did a shot together, and I stayed to drink with her more. I didn't go there with the intention of staying at her place. I was going to stay at my one friends place (he lives about 30 minutes from her) But I got caught up with her and kept drinking with her for a few hours. I texted my friend and said I'll probably just crash at that girls place. At last call she flipped out on me and told me I can't stay at her house. I was drunk at this point...I told her I didn't come there to stay and that I had planned on staying at my friends...and told her that I was drunk and didn't think it would be a big problem to crash at her place for the night since she said things were cool and we kept drinking together.

Then she started making up excuses that she had to work at 6am the next morning. I know that was a bullshit. She never worked weekends. And her friends started ganging up on me saying that they're having a sleep over at her place. Just making up things to make it look like I can't stay over. I was all about peace that night...I was getting yelled at by these girls. A few hours before she said things were cool and we drank together and things seemed all good. I know I didn't have an invitation. But at the time I thought it wouldn't be a big deal to just crash at her place for the night since things seemed cool between us.

So I called my friend and he came and picked me up at 3am. I felt like shit. I felt bad for assuming I could stay at her place. I shouldn't have stayed and drank with her for that long. I should have left after we made peace. I told her that I was very sorry for assuming I could stay over. But she kept flipping out on me via text.

I wrote her a really sincere apology letter. I owned up to my mistakes and told her I was truly sorry for assuming I could just stay over. I told her I misread the situation. And that I value her as a friend and I'm sorry for making a couple dumb mistakes.

She didn't say anything to me about the letter. My one friend follows her on her blog and he showed me something...she said some shitty things about me. She called me a creep and said "my stalker wrote me a letter. I'll post it for everyone's entertainment." And that she'll "cut my ****ing balls off" if she ever sees me again. WTF. How cowardly is that? She goes to social media to bad mouth me and threaten me. I was so honest and sincere with the apology letter. And she says all that about me?

I flipped out on her big time. I said some really really mean things. Things I didn't even mean. I was so upset and angry that she was treating me like that after I wrote her a sincere apology letter.

For a few weeks I didn't feel bad for saying all those things to her. Then I realized I went too far with some of the stuff. So a week later I mailed her an apology gift, flowers and an apology note. I just wanted to clear everything up. That was in September. And we haven't spoke since August. It's just a messy situation. Ignoring problems makes things worse. She made things worse by ignoring things and talking shit about me via social media. I made things worse by assuming I could stay over and for flipping out on her. I've owned up to the mistakes I made. I know what I did wrong. And I truly mean it when I apologize to her. But this girl is really hard headed. It seems like she's being way too hard on me. I even apologized to one of her friends for involving him in the situation. I just want to make amends and to be friends with her again.

[Gwk]

I think you should just leave her alone. She obviously does not want you to contact her. She called you a stalker, remember? Do not send her any presents, texts, letters. Do not call her, do not go where you know she will be. Just let it go and find someone who actually appreciates your attention. Keep your dignity and move on.

[VincenzoG91]

It's over. I understand that you want to just patch things up and get back to the way things were, but it isn't going to happen. Unfairly or not, she has decided that you are a stalker, so any friendly gestures on your part will be interpreted in the worst way possible. So just walk away. And if you can't walk away, that just proves she was right about you being a stalker. Yes, the situation is unfair and probably the result of a misunderstanding, but that's the way life is sometimes. Just move on.

[pierogilova]

Yeah I'm not going to say anything else to her. I don't get why she would say those things about me when I was just apologizing and trying to clear things up.