it's finally over

[sunflwer4]

After two years of hoping things would turn out like my dream, I'm left in tears. Not in pain anymore. Definitely more sure than before, yet so uncertain about my future. Sad that I have no love, but happy that I'm not as heart broken as I was from the start. I don't even understand how I got so caught up in loving that stupid boy for so long. How can you live your life holding on to a love that was never even yours to begin with? Life is not a dream. I'm not mad, I'm not happy. I'm simply more sure than before. There's nothing to wish for or hope for because I know that whatever was before doesn't exist anymore. It can never be the same as it was before. This is surely for the best. I can see how it would be for the best, honestly. I'm just so afraid of my future. This is definitely my first heart break and I think I'm finally reaching indifference, which is definitely nice. I just don't know if there will ever be a love for me, which when I thought about it before, it didn't bother me so much, but actually it really stresses me out to know that I'm not lovable. I KNOW that if I had a child, I could love it so much, but I feel like it would be impossible to share love with a man.

[RipVanWinkleX]

I felt the same when my fiance and I broke up. I gave up because she did not want to try to repair the relationship. Worse is that we have a 3 year old son, so we are tied together. It's hard to talk to her about him because every time I do she thinks I am trying to get back together or be her friend. I had to give her a strong worded e-mail saying I do not give a crap about her unless it's about the son >.<

I went in to some major depression after that, but I have been getting better. Time will heal your wounds as much as it did mine.

Don't worry. You will find someone who you will love, and he shall feel the same about you. Just have to be happy and confident. But, for now rest up. Let your emotions settle for a bit. You will feel better ^.^

[sunflwer4]

Thanks, I really do appreciate your saying that. I do feel better. I was just giving myself false hope for a long while and I was waiting for an answer, so now at least I know and have some extra emotions to deal with and trust issues.. whatnot, haha. I'm okay though.