Am I Crazy??????????????

[URLostLove]

Ok I really need an honest, unbiased, 3rd party opinion. My boyfriend and I had been in a long distance relationship for 1 year and 3 months until last week when we went on vacation together. While we were on Vacation and having a beautiful time and all of a sudden I got this feeling that he was cheating. So i picked up his cell phone and sure enough there was a message from this girl that said that she missed sleeping with him but she wouldnt make the same mistake again. A little later that same night I confronted him about it. He told me that he had cheated twice. Once with this person and once with another but he wasnt anymore because he wanted to work on our relationship. He said at the time it was going on he was unhappy and lonely (because he lives so far away), we had been arguing at the time he says over petty things and the cheating was just about sex to him because he was lonely. Of course i started asking him 20 questions and he answered them including the one i almost forgot to ask. " Did you use condoms?" He said yes for the first girl but for the second (the one i found out about) he said he had been but then she got an HIV test and when he saw that the results were negative he stopped using condoms. I can admittedly say I temporarily lost my mind and hit him, more like pounded on his arm. This is a problem because his most recent ex was very abusive to him. So now he says i'm acting like her. Going through his things and hitting him. This was the only time i ever hit him and honestly i wouldnt have done it if he had kept using condoms. I just felt so hurt that he didnt seem to care enough or respect our relationship enough to always use condoms. Evidentally this second girl was falling for him (not a hard thing to do) and she wanted a relationship. He didnt and chose me so he broke it off with her. We immediately broke up when I found out especially going back to the first day of our vacation when I met him at the airport he was talking to two girls. Come to find out that he had gotten both of their phone numbers for "unknown" reasons. The reason I am posting this is because I have known this man for 5 years, dated him for the past year and 3 months. I love him beyond reason, I know he loves me too. The majority of me believes that we can make it through this with time and learning to trust each other again (me trusting that he wont cheat, him trusting that I wont hit him). We already had plans to move to the same city at the beginning of next year and I know that will be a factor too. Its very hard for me to imagine being without him. I've never cheated on him and never dreamed of it. Before we both went home we talked. i was pretty emotional but i wanted to stay together. He said he needed time to think. I knew i needed time too but i did not want to lose my love. We've been back for 2 days. Neither of us has contacted the other. I fight every second not to pick up the phone. I'm trying to give him the time he needs. We didnt specify how much time but i know 2 days is not enough. Today I made a serious prayer to God and asked him for guidance. At the end of it I was finally calm, the knot went away in my stomach and I began writing my him a four page letter. Basically it said, we both made mistakes but the postive things we have going make me want to stay with him. I told him I believe in him and in us and I believe that we can make it back together in time. I havent mailed it yet and i wont for at least two weeks. I'm willing to go through counselling, move sooner, pretty much whatever it takes. There is small part of me that says he may still cheat again or may not be willing to do the compromises necessary to make it work. That same part says just let it go. I just want an outsiders opinion. Am I Crazy for wanting him back? Should I send the letter? Should I just leave well enough alone? I dont want to go through this again and I guess because I havent talked to him I dont know where his mind is. When you answer this please look into your heart and put yourself in my shoes. Try not to answer from bias.

[Jsnowman]

Tough situation anyway you slice it. I don't doubt your love for him. They say that love is blind. Do you think this quote might apply? What I mean is, are your emotions getting in the way of the reality of the situation? The man cheated on you....twice The fact that you are posting your situation, tells me that you are not sure what to do. Part of your post stated that you love him beyond reason and that he loves you. I think that if he did love you as much as you love him, he would not have given into cheating on you because things were rocky/he was lonely. Relationships are tough and take a certain level of maturity. Maybe he needs time to learn from this. Going back to him right away might send the message that what he did was justifiable. I don't think it was. For now, you should not be with him. Let him figure out what he did and if he doesn't, better you found this out now then down the road when it would hurt even more. Stay strong and follow your gut...not your heart on this one.

[zefreak]

He cheated on you multiple times and was picking up girls in the airport? Hes probably banging a stranger right now. Forget about him.

[Junket]

YOU'RE CRAZY!

[shh!]

"Am I Crazy for wanting him back?"
Why, yes you are (unless you don't mind sharing).

"Should I send the letter?"
Good God, NO! Do you want to look wimpy and pathetic in addition to stupid?

"Should I just leave well enough alone?"
Dump him, get on with your life. Lots of fish in the sea, and all that jazz. By the way, are there really such a shortage of men in your own area that you feel a need to go looking in other areas? You sound way too young to settle for a long distance relationship. Besides, they really don't count as real relationships anyway, since you don't get to spend enough time with them to get to know them intimately.

[ghenzmitz]

are ya planning to go back to him? hahaha...useless.....i think he's the guy who really loves playing in this world.........especially to girls....now, it's up to you...if you want to be played.....don't be a martyr.....be a smart girl......don't waste your time for him.....dump him...

[Only-virgins]

YOU'RE CRAZY!

__________________

[COAD]

The dude is a typical Playa........
If you get back with him he will most likely BS you.

So just forget him, and I wont say your crazy.

[CowgirlFromHell]

You're not crazy, you're human, and you're female. I would have beat the snot out of him. I caught my ex cheating and I tried to hit him but a window screen was blocking his face. Damn it! I still wanted him back after that, and that is crazy. But love makes people do crazy things...
He's out of my life now, moving on slowly but surely, and you should do the same. It's VERY hard, but it's worth it.

[Shadow_me]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through... It seems like you're taking it pretty well though, considering what emotional trauma you just went through. Through my experiences, I realized that you cannot control what people do, only what you can do. I applaud you for trying to understand both sides of the situation, but infedility is a hard thing to get over. I think you need to ask yourself if you're willing to take a chance again and possibly get hurt. I know that this is easier said than done, and its a lot easier to pretend that nothing ever happened to hurt you. I've been in denial before and I know that its the easy way out. Being that you are in a long distance relationship, maybe you need to consider what is it that you ultimately want from this? Trust is going to be a major issue here and you might have insecurities that are justly founded that may cause arguments later... If you love him enough to give him another chance, then also be strong and know that you may be hurt again. Love is blind, but I'm sure you don't want to regret not following your heart and asking yourself later, "what if?" If you think that you love him enough to get over the pain, then I think he needs to understand what kind of pain he inflicted upon you or he may do it again.

Hope all goes well for you....