He's interested, he's not, he's interested, he's not...

[Hotaru]

I met a man online a year ago and we hit it off but it didn't work out. He was in an on/off relationship and after he broke up with his gf (before we met), she went psycho bitch and threatened to kill herself. I didn't want to get involved with that kind of drama so I backed off.

About a month ago, I noticed that he was single again and, interested in at least being friends (most of mine have moved away after graduation...), I decided to say hello. We talked for a while but I got the distinct feeling that I was doing most of the work so I backed off again. I simply stopped texting and moved on.

About two weeks later, he randomly texted me with "hey" so we started talking again. Now, for the problem...

I'd like to see him but I'm currently out of state visiting my family. They drive me crazy so after over a week home, it wouldn't kill me to go back but I'm not rushing back just to sit there with nothing to do. Communication with him has been sort of spotty and I'm not sure what to think...

• When I told him that I might move to the west coast, he responded " that's so far away". I asked why he was sad and he said, " because i'll miss you".
• He's always been kindhearted, shy, and polite. He's definitely not a mean person.
• We were supposed to hang out before I left but he never got back to me. He apologized saying he fell asleep which is plausible because he works at night and sleeps during the day. I had already asked him if he would be okay hanging out and he said yes so maybe he just bit off more than he could chew that day. Doesn't mean I'm not still suspicious although I'll admit, I've been treated kinda badly in the past so I might be a bit paranoid...
• His FB status says single and his ex is no longer on his friend's list; she hasn't been since before he and I reconnected. He did tell me, however, that she was wanting him back - after leaving him for someone else. At least he seems to be resisting which is good, not for "us" but for himself. Regardless of what happens with him, I'd like to see him happy and she makes him miserable.
• I have almost no way of reaching him; my parents don't get cell service, he claims he doesn't use FB almost ever, he doesn't have an IM client, and his phone is supposedly not working right. He claims no one can hear him but that is also a known issue with my parents' phone so I assumed the technical issue was on my end. What are the chances that the problem is on both?...
• When I asked if he talks on the phone much, he said "sometimes but i'd make an exception for you".
• Before I found out about psycho ex, I sent him a friend invite on FB a year ago. He never accepted it but I later assumed that it was because of his on/off girlfriend. It was still sitting there until recently, when I cancelled it and resent it just to see how he'd react in case he'd hit ignore before and forgot it. I figure if he logs in and still doesn't accept it, I've got a pretty good idea of where I stand - on the sidelines because he's still not ready to move on.
• He was on FB almost 24 hours ago so it's not like he's never on and I told him I'd like to have someone to talk to but I still haven't heard from him outside of texts.

At this point, I can't tell if I've become cynical or if I'm wasting my time again...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Wasting your time.

[Hotaru]

Boy, either you read fast or I read slow. x.x

[Hotaru]

What are you talking about? O.o

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I read the whole thing, so I guess you read slow.

[Hotaru]

Please ignore him, I have nothing to do with TheSaint or whoever and while I think it's kinda funny, derailing my thread because he's paranoid is bullshit. It's a serious question and I've already addressed Love's concerns in a PM that he'll either follow up on or not.

[Love'sReject]

...I was wrong. But pleasantly wrong. Anyway, back on topic..

[basilandthyme]

Hotaru, I'm not sure why you'd be thinking that he might contact you. There's nothing in all of this which indicates that he wants you as more than a casual friend.

Yes, I know he's said that he'll miss you...but even casual friends miss each other when they leave. Besides, even if he did like you, why would he get involved with you if you're moving away?

[Hotaru]

I said I might, it's dependent on job offers. I've got a bite on the west coast that I've been working on but I've got one locally as well although I also have some amount of pull for this one. It could really swing either way. For better or worse, if the job offers were quite similar, which I imagine they would be for a newcomer, and I was in a relationship, I'd choose the location closest to my partner, I don't have a real preference.

I was thinking he might contact me because he did contact me. I'd already backed off when he reached out again and if he wants to be friends that's fine but I've grown tired of being the more active friend. He wouldn't be the first to make me do all the work and I'm definitely not up for that, I've been putting a stop to that behavior from everyone across the board. Thinking he's doing the same thing just agitates me.

[basilandthyme]

Personally, I also wouldn't bother with someone who *might* move. Back in my dating days, I would protect my heart from someone who wasn't committed to staying around and giving the relationship it's best shot. If he wasn't local, there really wasn't any point in taking it further.

As for being 'just friends', would you be analysing the behaviour of your girlfriends for not messaging you while they are on Facebook? If one of your female friends contacted you less than you contact them, will you also put a stop to her behaviour?

[TheSaint]

...I was wrong. But pleasantly wrong. Anyway, back on topic..

.

[TheSaint]

Please ignore him, I have nothing to do with TheSaint or whoever and while I think it's kinda funny, derailing my thread because he's paranoid is bullshit. It's a serious question and I've already addressed Love's concerns in a PM that he'll either follow up on or not.

Has he followed up yet? Gripping stuff this.

[Love'sReject]

.

Lol, dawg, I love "The Next Generation"! Best ST series by far.

[TheSaint]

Seems you deleted a post in here. Not cool bro, denying me my giggles. I worked hard for the confrontation and you delete it before I wake up?

[Hotaru]

Personally, I also wouldn't bother with someone who *might* move. Back in my dating days, I would protect my heart from someone who wasn't committed to staying around and giving the relationship it's best shot. If he wasn't local, there really wasn't any point in taking it further.

If he was interested, I'd stay. I've got freelance offers and a network started where I am but if I don't have a boyfriend, I could just as easily drift off somewhere else. But I can't see it being okay to say that to him, it seems kinda creepy even though I don't mean it that way. I just don't have a problem generating interest with the mixed bag of skills I have and I'm fine where I am so I'm looking at the bigger picture and the people I spend time with are a part of that picture.

As for being 'just friends', would you be analysing the behaviour of your girlfriends for not messaging you while they are on Facebook? If one of your female friends contacted you less than you contact them, will you also put a stop to her behaviour?

Actually yeah, I've been thinking that I'm too nice. When I told a few friends that I might move, they acted like they wanted me to stay because they'd miss me. I'm like, "Miss what? 99% of our communication is online or through texts and frankly, I don't care enough about that random 1% to stay specifically for you..." I've basically become tired of being the aggressive friend and have cut back on contact with a number of people. It's not really related to the thread but I don't see any reason in the world why I have to chase my "friends" continually so I just don't. I've got roommates who aren't self-absorbed and a few good friends who seek my company as much as I seek theirs so I'm good.