I'm uncertain if he really wants me to be his girlfriend again?

[renax]

I'm currently seeing someone... Except he doesn't want the title and I do. I'll go into more detail.
We were together for a while (a year). We split up because things got out of hand and because I was going through some emotional issues towards the end of it. I became passive aggressive which wasn't me and it made him angry and he became less affectionate and didn't seem to try. I decided that us breaking up was going to help us and if we had a little time apart things would become good. We were ofcourse really upset. We still kept hanging out for several months after that and I was stressed because I wanted to become boyfriend and girlfriend again. He said he wasn't sure what he wanted but he kept acting like a boyfriend, just out in public, he never wanted to hug, kiss or hold hands in public. I assumed he just was still hurt from everything. We talked about us almost everyday - which lead to him being annoyed because he just wanted to chill out. And eventually he didn't really seem to put any effort in (hardly ever wanted to see me etc) and said f*** this and just stopped seeing him and said we should just be friends completely. He seemed to have gotten cut at that but I just couldn't handle any more of the stress and thought that it was time to just let it go. I started hanging out with an aquaintance and we became close after my relationship with my ex. I think my acquaintance friend started to like me so I backed off a bit because i didn't want a relationship due to the previous one. If you're asking if we slept together, yes we did. Not a lot though. In the mean time, my ex was trying to text me the whole time, tried calling, tried to actually get into contact and hang out. I just talked to him bluntly because I was still hurt. Eventually he found out that I had slept with my acquaintance friend. He abused me verbally, saying all sorts of things. I accepted what he said but at the same time, we weren't together in the first place so I didn't feel that bad and he didn't seem to want to be with me anyway due to his lack of trying. That night we decided that we were going to start "seeing" each other again, and ever since, things have been awesome. He gets cut from time to time about the other person, I had to block that person out of my life but we've hardly had any arguments. He plays in a band so he's been away for a tiny bit and next year he'll be away quite frequently. When we started seeing each other though, we became so close and were hanging out most days of the week. It felt like we had only just met each other. However, he doesn't want the title "boyfriend and girlfriend" yet. He told me he doesn't like titles because he doesn't feel the need to have one. He doesn't like the idea of needing to have a title or... marriage etc ... which I get completely. I mean his close friends know etc but when I want to express my love for him, i have to suppress my feelings and second guess what I have to say. He told me that he feels that we're not ready yet and we still have a lot of things to sort out. All in all, we've technically been seeing each other for a year and a half now. We haven't had any fights and i have no idea why he doesn't want me to call him his boyfriend. For example, I have instagram and I wanted to put a photo of his presents he gave me and caption it with, "my boyfriend gave me these "
I asked him if it was alright to put that there but he got all awkward and said we haven't sorted out anything properly. Like I mean, he's fine with me putting up things of us cuddling in bed...... yet I can't say that. He isn't fake affectionate like omg i luv u bby marry me. he's more of a realist. Which I get. He doesn't upload photos of us or anything on facebook etc and I know it's silly to be like what is happening but having that there is nice every once in a while. we hold hands and kiss in public, like act like a real couple... yet there is no title. I'm not bad like I used to be. I let him talk to whoever, let him do whatever, let him hang with his mates, talk with his mates etc.
The things that I have come up with are :

- he really isn't thinking that we are ready because he doesn't want that title due to commitment.
- he really isn't thinking that we are ready and is making sure that we are 100% (because we used to be really bad when we broke up - we fought all the time and he does say this.)
- he is keeping his options open
- because he's in a band, he has to appear single to appeal to fans
- hes seeing someone on the side (not too sure about that one since we hang out a lot)
- he likes the attention of others (but he says that he's only wanting to see me etc)
I have no idea. If I could have anyones input, that would be great. Haha. PLEASE no trolls... I'm just trying to sort things out.

[Wakeup]

We haven't had any fights and i have no idea why he doesn't want me to call him his boyfriend.

Because when he goes away because of his music "career" he's going to want to screw anything that will have him so he's not going to want to be your excuslive boyfriend... He doesn't want you to adverstise the "your bf gave you these" because then you'll cramp his style with the other ladies.

If he is seeing someone else, it wouldn't be "on the side" it would just be 'too' because you two are not bf/gf and he hasn't promised you exclusivity.

You're in for a world of hurt if you keep seeing him with all this ambiguity. Did you at least ask him to be sexually exclusive while he figures out if he wants to be your bf or not? Why would you keep an ex in your life anyway? You two have been off and on and relationships like that are rarely ever going to last. There's not enough there to keep you together or you'd just stay together if there was.

[basilandthyme]

You're in for a world of hurt if you keep seeing him with all this ambiguity. Did you at least ask him to be sexually exclusive while he figures out if he wants to be your bf or not? Why would you keep an ex in your life anyway? You two have been off and on and relationships like that are rarely ever going to last. There's not enough there to keep you together or you'd just stay together if there was.

^^^ this is great advice!!

[renax]

Because when he goes away because of his music "career" he's going to want to screw anything that will have him so he's not going to want to be your excuslive boyfriend... He doesn't want you to adverstise the "your bf gave you these" because then you'll cramp his style with the other ladies.

If he is seeing someone else, it wouldn't be "on the side" it would just be 'too' because you two are not bf/gf and he hasn't promised you exclusivity.

You're in for a world of hurt if you keep seeing him with all this ambiguity. Did you at least ask him to be sexually exclusive while he figures out if he wants to be your bf or not? Why would you keep an ex in your life anyway? You two have been off and on and relationships like that are rarely ever going to last. There's not enough there to keep you together or you'd just stay together if there was.

He has gone away but as far as I know he hasn't gone and screwed anyone, haha. It sucks because well, his friend that is in his band has only recently started dating and if anything, he was the most pickiest dude I've ever met and he's even made it official with her so it kind of makes me feel shit. He's told me he's not chasing after anyone else and i'm the same. We're seeing each other but without the label. It's so hard to understand because i've never been in this situation before. We've only split once... so it hasn't been crazy. I've kept him there because I want to keep seeing each other and he's the one that initiated that he wanted to keep going on ahead with seeing each other after we broke up. Your right about the world of hurt though because of the ambiguity. It's driving me insane. We were all good and as soon as he got awkward about the caption, i've just been upset. I've done a lot of research and a lot of people are also like it doesn't matter about having a title, blah blah, but i'm so used to it. I don't know what to do haha.

[Wakeup]

It does matter about the title because the title defines what you are and how much you are or are not valued. If you want to carry on without exclusivity. (saying things like "I'm not chasing after anyone else" means nothing because without promise of exclusivity, he's free to do who will have him if it's presented to him).

You're not going to do anything by the sounds of things except leave this at the status quo. This is your call so learn to live with what he deems or if you can't be content and worry free then ask outright for what you want and if he still won't give it to you, then make a decision.

[heavenlylove]

I agree with @wakeup... At last its always about you first. If you are having good time with him regardless of what name he want to give to the relatioship, then its perfectly fine.But if something is bothering you get it cleared by talking with him. These doubts will plant seeds that could be detrimental to your relationship in long run. I have been in relationship with a girl for around 11 years and now happyly married to her since last 2 years. For a relationship to be healthy discuss everything that bothers either of you with each other and even if you disagree agree to diagree...dont just let thing open.
Gud luck :-)