First Quest for Advice

[ALovelyLady86]

I'm sure many of you have heard of my ex Chris. Let me quickly get you up to speed on my relation to him...
We met almost 2 years ago, became good friends, and after about 6 months started dating. When we started the relationship it was way too fast. The I love yous were too soon, everything was just...way too fast. That was my fault and I recognize that now, but was only 17 at the time and didnt understand how it could effect the relationship later on.
We broke up off and on for the next year. For some reason, we found ourselves back in each others arms by the next night lol. He was genuine, he never wanted to date anyone else. He is a firefighter and has plenty of opportuinity with the nurses at the hospital if he wanted to, but never wanted it. Any spare time he could find he would drive here.
The thing that kept us together not only was our amazing chemistry, but the amount of comfort we found in one another. We we're extremely open and able to do anything around each other even... fart lol... yes thats right... ok back to being serious...
Heres the situation now...
We broke up about 6 months ago, during that time I saw Josh. Not long, only to get back into the dating world you know. Josh and I ended up having our differences and decided to split. Coincidentally Chris sends me a Text Message the very next minute that Josh and I split (no lie) that said the words Love You... nothing more. Remember Chris and I hadnt really talked since the breakup...this was.... fate?
Anyhow, He and I jointly decided to be friends. I wanted in my mind to start all over fresh. This was that clean slate I had been praying for in hopes to take things slowly. At that time I was totally ok with just hanging out, maybe fooling around and nothing else being discussed. Yes well I assessed myself wrong! Of course, I fell for him all over again. He called me first thing this morning when he got off from the station. He always did that when we dated to wake me up lol. He has a small landscaping company and today was out cutting grass, but I didnt think it would take long so I called at about 4. Well he didnt get in touch with me until about 9.
I've always been a believer of actions speak louder than words. Even though he may say he isnt ready for a relationship, if hes loving on me, buying me food, taking me out, sleeping over at the house, and spending quality time with me and no one else...wouldnt that mean he misses me and wants to be with me?
Anyhow, at 9 I asked him why it seemed he had been ignoring me and he said he was wanting a little time to himself. So I understood, I said okay and told him how I was starting to feel for him again, and that we needed to make a decision on what we were going to do because I cant be his friend but yet, still be kissing and hugging all over him. He agreed and told me that he does have feelings for me and is very attracted to me and if he did want to be with someone at this point it would no doubt be me, but that he wanted to concentrate on his financial situation in order to be able to provide the person he loves with all they want.
Of course I told him that didnt matter to me (even though it does lol I'm very materialistic) and that I would be able to deal with it.
Anyway this is really hard to explain because we do have a great thing going for us, and he doesnt want to see anyone else, he does spend all his spare time over here and he is my best friend. We can just sit around and say nothing but it still feels normal and right. My problem is understanding why he wont stop loving on me, but tells me he isnt ready for this. I have no doubt in my mind he loves me deeply, and I trust him 100%...
Any opnions?

[ALovelyLady86]

Hmm wait a minute..I guess this isnt my first quest for advice.. but this is my first quest for serious relationship advice. Damn I forgot how many posts I've made since I've been here lol...
Anyhow continue... lol

[COAD]

Damn I forgot how many posts I've made since I've been here lol...

Thats ok, ill remind you.... 544

[Junket]

No.

She has 545.

EDIT:

Okay, I know you're new and all Lovely.

But just FYI.

People around here don't like reading that jumbled heap up there.

Paragraph seperation.

Highlight the bold points.

And always end with a smile.

Like this!

[shh!]

Any opnions?

Yeah, but I doubt you'd care to hear them.

[Fyesteema4]

After reading the book, "He's just not that into you," my opinion on relationships and guys has changed a bit. It is written by 2 writers from the show sex and the city. Coming from the perpective from the book they might say that you should see other people and become busy and do things to occupy your mind. I think that might be a good idea, but don't completely write him out of your life. But definetly play hard to get. Guys don't send mixed signals. But you should check out the book if you haven't already.

[ALovelyLady86]

I've read that book but thanks anyway Fysteema4

Frasbee that looks as if its separated into paragraphs to me..... ?? Cant you see them? lol

[Fawn]

The paragraphs.. need to click enter one more time... : P

Now... this is so confusing. I see you both have started feelings for each other again. BUT he's putting things off because he says he's in financial difficulty. Which is basically something to "put you off from having a relationship" because even if you had financial difficulty, that doesn't mean you can't have a relationsip or do things that cost very little money or no money at all. (Run on sentence. oops.)

Anyways, I think he just wants his space. Your not officially together, but you have to understand that you both need your time apart and that you can't always spend every moment together. In the mean time, respect his decisions and have a few "girls night outs." Have some fun time on your own. Can't over think things.

[ALovelyLady86]

Nah I havent been one to overthink things... I pretty much just make a desicion and do it you know?
Girls night out... that would be a problem since I dont have any friends lol... And thats no lie, the high school I went to is an hour and a half away and all the friends I had even remotely close to this area are in colleges in different states. I'm screwed I guess. There isnt a place around here where I can meet people, so recently I've been trying to figure out how to get myself into college, and find a good job.

[Tone]

I'm with Fawn kinda... there will NEVER be a perfect time for you to be together. Make it now or never kinda thing... I don't buy into the whole "I want to wait til my finances are secure" thing, cause a relationship is about going through things TOGETHER... so you can both be poor together instead of seperate. I don't know the details of your guys' situation but I still say that's the worst excuse ever... whether he knows it or not, I mean he could be 100% genuine but you need to just let him know that that's life. Life is never perfect and if you guys are gonna be together why waste precious time over trying to be "perfectly" ready for a relationship you know?

You're practically dating now from the sounds of it, just without the label of "dating". Tell him to either be with you or stop being together all the time. Good luck and keep us posted

[ALovelyLady86]

Well, I saw Chris last yesterday afternoon. We went fishing and he bought me a really cool little raft lol... We didnt do anything sexual either
I asked him why he keeps leading me on, and he said "well Sarah because I like you...this feels right... I like being with you"
Ya thats something hes never said without me trying to joke it out of him... lol
Then guess what he says?
"When I get my house next year, do you want to move in with me?"
So, I told him that I wanted to make sure that this time around we didnt rush things, and that I care for him a lot and want to be with him, but I dont want to make the same mistake we did.
I dont want us to be considered a couple right now, I want us to do what we did yesterday. Hang out and have a good time and enjoy each other's company.

Course... there was one bad thing... lol.. he had a damn hard on all day long lol.. hey I guess thats not bad at least I turn him on

[Killerbabe]

haha!! That's EXACTLY how my ex was. And I bet Illusional and Zekk are having flashbacks of my monotonously long confessions.

We rushed into things too, and then broke up and then decided to be 'friends' and everybody thought we were still together and I thought he was my best friend too yahdahyahdah. He wpuld lead me on and then have one of those blues and say that he needs time, space, money, and all. Oh and he was hard all the friggin time too! Anyway, it didn't work out, which doesn't mean it won't work out between you.

Some guys are just a little more complicated than others. They just don't know what they want and they sorta enjoy playing with girls' minds. However the fact that he wants to move in with you says that he does want to be with you eventually. Thing is, will he live up to his promises?

[ALovelyLady86]

I never said he and I were just friends. I think we both know better than that (both meaning Chris and I). At this point we are taking things slowly. Fixing what we had made the mistakes of doing in the past.
This isnt about hanging out with a guy who only wants sex and wont do anything else. We have a great time together. And he doesnt lead me on and then say oh well poor me I cant be with you. He isnt the one to bring it up...I am. I always say look we arent going to do what we did in the beginning we're going to fix things. And, of course, its hard not to just jump him but we've both been able to resist.
I have no doubt the guy loves me, this isnt about that. I know for a fact the guy loves me or he wouldnt spend all the time he does spend with me period. He wouldnt be seeing me all the time. If this were a game, he would be out seeing other girls and then coming back to me telling me he loves me. He's not.
I've always believed that what he and I have is really awesome and really special. He is a great person, highly intelligent, very motivated, very kind and if he doesnt want to be with me he will let me know. He and I do have a special friendship...its more of a best-friendship and thats how I want it to be. I love him I'm not denying that. And I'm not sitting here saying oh there arent any feelings hes just my friend blah blah blah.
He and I do have potential, I just dont want to screw up like he and I both did before by rushing things. I like it the way it is... yesterday was a lot of fun.
We have feelings for each other, and we tell each other that, but I dont think we're ready to be as serious as we were before.
Thats one thing maybe I didnt make clear about the both of us. We are the type of people that are either all or nothing at all. We dont date. We're either together or arent together and at this point we arent. If I do decide to move in with him next year its at that point when I'll say we are serious.
Right now if he says he wants to date someone else, thats totally fine and vise versa... I already have actually and he knows about it. I just want him to be happy and if that means he needs to date some nurse then so be it. I cant control his feelings or emotions. But I can tell you this... that wont happen. I seriously doubt that will happen. After all I am still and always will be his Sarah Bear.

[Tone]

I don't get it.. what's the point of this thread though? You act like you have it all figured out and everything anyone tells you have an answer for "Oh no I know him"

Sounds like both of you are cool with how things are, so if you're cool with doing everything a couple would do, just without the label of "dating" then go for it... I still don't understand if you guys are hanging out everyday, making plans to be together in the future, what's the difference if you say you are dating? Cause you basically are, imo.

=/

[ALovelyLady86]

There really is no purpose for this thread other than people's opinion on what is happening. I'm not looking for any real advice, just to see what people think of the situation. But youre right..I do have it all figured out so thanks guys for the opinions I'm done now with the post

hehehehehe