Some advice for a silly girlie ( maybe)

[Leeli1990]

Hi everyone Just looking for some advice on my current relationship, please go with me might be a long post.
I'm a 22 year old girl and have a boyfriend, we got together in October last year, it was great so unexpected and he was an amazing man compared to my previous relationships. Everything was fantastic until i prematurely told him i loved him in April, now i did love him but i said it for the wrong reasons, i was insecure about his close relationship with his female friend, he didn't say it back, it got very messy and we broke up in June, we got back together again in October, who knows what will happen, a lot has happened in between but we are trying. Now my problem before was i didn't speak to him about my insecurities about his girl mates, i expected him to know, i have no real problem with him having close girl friends but part of me hates it, and i hate that part of me, i hate "dad" issues, and i have a big fear of being left by a man for another woman, my boyfriend has another close girl friend and i've told him my insecurities, so he is aware and he knows i don't want him to do anything different, just know how i am feeling cos i would NEVER tell him not to do something, i would leave him before i ever turned into that person, its just when i find out he is with this girl it actually ruins my day, like my heart beats faster, i feel sick , its ridiculous. I trust him completely and its my insecurities i just don't know how to get over this because this is our second chance and i dont want this to ruin us. Any advice or anyone in a similar situation? please share
Oh,
one more thing, when we were talking about getting back together he spoke to a mate online about it and i saw the messages, and he said to her that he wanted because he felt himself having feelings for someone else and was looking forward to seeing what happens, and in my mind these feelings were for his girl mate, but i dont know this! PLUS this converstaion was BEFORE we decided to get back together so therefore he picked me. Why am i doing this? boooo.
Anyway, please share advice and info guys, well appecaited
X

[Guybrush]

its just when i find out he is with this girl it actually ruins my day, like my heart beats faster, i feel sick , its ridiculous.

When you say "this girl" is it a specific girl you are concerned about? If so, do you know her and what her situation is like (her history with your boyfriend, is she attached etc..)?

You said that you have been open with him with your being uncomfortable when he spends time with his girl mates. How does he respond to that?

[basilandthyme]

I'm just going to throw out the idea that perhaps he's not the right guy for you. While he may have some awesome qualities, perhaps you need a man who isn't so close to other women.

[Leeli1990]

yeah its one specific girl just now and i know nothing about her except they are friends and she is friends with his other mates too. But the things is this happendbefore when he was spending time with other friends that are girls of his, it just seems to be what ever girl is around i get mad about.I have told him and he reassured me about it all but its just my insecurities and i don't want to keep bringing it up in case he thinks its me not trusting him, because it really isn't. ITs a confusing thing, and maybe he isnt right for me but i do this in other relationships i've had too so i would rather work on it now.

[Barbarisa]

I've heard and shared a few of situations where insecurity has been a reason for relatioships to go sour, of which just the following is clear: for you to be in a relationship, you must be a mature person, quite opposite of someone that may subconsciously look for others to "lean onto"...quite a popular case with those dating without letting the previous wounds heal...the insecurity issues can become a reason for tensions in conversations and any interaction.

If work with yourself to become the best person you want to be while being single, having someone else in your life has to bring joy and additional advancement in the matters of personal (now mutual) growth. Things have to get better, it's that simple. Your current boyfriends seems to be undecided on his status, why is there a need for female friends? If he's that nice and gentle, you should not have a problem about hanging out with them together as his girl...if that is not the case, he does not deserve your feelings. He should feel honoured for being told of your love, and if that does not get a response..do not put yourself in a position of unanswered calls. Get up, smile, and move towards better times, which will come as soon as you decide to demand appreciation for your affection.

[Wakeup]

Does your boyfriend spend time with this female friend one-on-one where they don't include you, Leeli? If they do, then your reaction to them doing such things is quite normal and understandable. Has he even introduced you to her?

Ask to meet her if you haven't already. If this is an innocent, platonic relationship he has with her, then meeting her shouldn't be a problem to your bf. Frankly,, your boyfriend doesn't sound like he's into the relationship he has with you much, but you may have just ommitted anything nice you two do that gives indication you are his SIGNIFICANT other. If the only thing he does with you is sex that makes it different then what he does with his friend, then what you have with him is hardly "significant."

This is yet another story where opposite sex friends spending one-on-one time together and omitting the SO from their hang outs has caused trouble in the primary relationship.

[Guybrush]

I'm with Wakeup on this one. I think that with the best piece of advice you are going to get based on the info you have given us.