My girlfriend broke up with me, I'm devastated

[Steve_]

My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years. I thought I was going to marry this girl and that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. But yet, I never completely let myself to open up and become emotionally involved, almost like having my guard up the entire time. Throughout our relationship she always flowered me with little romantic things. Her way of telling me she was always thinking about me. We didn't live together but she would cook for me, bring me small gifts while I was at work, you name it. If she was not at work or school she genuinely wanted to do things for her because it made me happy. And it made her happy that I was happy. She practically always put herself before me. I on the other hand was kind of the opposite. I would take her out on dates almost weekly but I was never really the romantic type. I would do romantic things for her but not nearly as much as she would for me.

We enjoyed many wonderful times together and I thought she was the one. We enjoyed spending all of our free time with each other and just indulging in one another. as well as our fair share of fights. They were usually small fights that were never actually worked out. As I look back, I imagine that these were the warning signs of what was to come. Maybe they were her way of trying to hint to me what I needed to change. Of course, I was an idiot and overlooked almost everything. Oh and I didn't mention, whenever we would fight, my pride would overtake me, turn me into a total ******** and would end up leaving her devastated thinking that I didn't care and crying and begging for me to forgive her. Truthfully, I felt like she was never going to leave me. In turn, it made me comfortable knowing that no matter what happened she was going to be there for me. As I look back I will be the first to admit that I was a douche bag.

Over the past few weeks she became less interested in doing things with me. She wasn't giving the 110% that she used to give but I never would have that thought she would break up with me. So, I kind of turned the other way. I ignored all the hints she was giving to me. Not once did I think to myself I have to change if I want to keep her. At the same time, she also started hanging out with one of her girlfriends more often. I know that her friend would always tell her to dump my *** b/c I wasn't appreciating her but I never thought it would actually happen.

Reality check. Last week she began giving me the cold shoulder. She began spending more time with her girlfriend than with me. I shrugged it off. A couple of days passed and I called her asking her what’s going on. She then told me that she doesn't know, she’s confused and wants space. Being the dick that I am, I blew up on her and told her I rather be broken up if she doesn't want to be with me. We ended the conversation, she went out with her friend and I went out with mine. I called her later that night but she didn't answer. The next morning, for some reason I thought if I scared her about breaking up she would change her mind. At first, she told me she didn't want to break up, she just wanted space and time to think. But I insisted and kept my ways and we broke up. Nothing happened, she never called me back. I knew it was different this time.

I gave her a call later that same day. I started apologizing and pretty much begged her to give me another chance. She listened to me but stood her ground about the breakup. She insisted she wanted space and I told her I would give it to her. The following day, I called again and did the same thing. I apologized and begged for another chance but nothing changed. I tried to give her the space she wanted. She called me 2 days later to tell me she missed me and that she loves me but continued to insist she wanted the break. Yet she asked me if I hung out with any girls and was acting jealous. 3 days passed and I called her. I asked to talk to her in person so we could talk things out. She agreed and we talked a lot. We discussed the flaws of our relationship and how it could of been fixed. Nonetheless, she still insisted that she wants the break. She told me she still loves me a lot and that if we had opened up long ago it wouldn't of gotten to this point and we would be happily together. Finally, I asked her what she wanted and she told me she doesn't want me to chase her, but she didn't want to tell me to move on. All she kept saying was to do whatever I think I needed to do and that hopefully she finds it in herself to come back and give me another chance. We hugged, cried and kissed. I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me too. I left with a hole in my heart.

I am so in love with her and don't know what to do. I took her for granted and all I want is a second chance to give her what she deserved this entire time. How do I win back the girl of my dreams, my best friend, my soul mate?

[love&otherdrugs]

Well first off, although I think you know this by now, playing "games" is NEVER the way to treat your heart OR her heart when it comes to a serious relationship and love. Meaning, you can't threaten your partner. Never make a verbal threat that you're not whole-heartedly willing to back up with in actions. But, seeing as where this has led you, I won't pick apart that move too much.

Second, if she asked for space, a few days is nothing. Sometimes, it takes me a good while to get past the nostalgia and the "butterfly feelings" in order to think clearly and make the right decisions. It's alright to ask if there's an amount of time she would like to be given, or if she would just like you to leave her alone until she contacts you. My ex did this to me when neither of us could figure out "space." He finally said, "I'll contact you when I think we're both ready." That was so hard to hear, but it was a blessing in a way, because I didn't drive myself crazy from heartbreak calling him or trying not to call him.

Lastly: I'm sure your ex is confused, but she can't just keep you on the backburner. It was kind of her to tell you to do whatever it was you think you needed to do. It sounds like her curiosity got the best of her when she asked if you were hanging out with any other girls. It's the whole "I don't want you right now, but I don't want anyone else to have you, either" mentality.

The only advice I can give you is to work on yourself. Take some time to introspectively think about why you couldn't open up to your "best friend" and "soulmate." If she is the girl of your dreams, you should NEVER just feel "comfortable" with her there. It might be therapeutic to sit down and try and trace the root of your romancing problem. This may stem from childhood, a previous relationship, who knows. A quote that has helped me greatly to focus on myself and who I need to be to be better suited for a relationship in the future is this:

"Remember that water seeks its own level. Those damaged will seek those as equally damaged."

I hope this helps.

[Lubna]

ohh really bad ..

[michelle23]

Give her space, no contact at all. Don't beg again or you will just push her further away. Give it a month or two and see if she comes back-if not, you will have to try and move on.. It doesn't sound to me like you were a bad bf though. Just because you were not that romantic? But you took her out once a week and spent all your time with her.. What more does she want??

So what if you argued sometimes or if you said a few things you didn't mean-that is called life and a real relationship. Am I missing something here? It doesn't sound like you have ever done anything to hurt her. Were you affectionate towards her? Did you tell her you loved her? Why does her friend hate you?

There has to be more to this ??

[michelle23]

OP if you get her back-let your guard down. Thats all I can say. Give her all of you-not just a part of you. And dont take her for granted again

[michelle23]

Also it sounds like you two could have a different love language and that is what is confusing her. Look up the "five languages of love". It sounds like yours could be quality time while hers is gifts. It might help you to understand what she needs in order to fully feel loved by you..