She's married. HELP?!

[Lidderz]

Hi everyone

quite new to the whole forum thing so may be a bit 'amateur' anyhoo!

So...heres my problem, and ill start from the top! ive been part of an amateur theatre group for just over a year now, within the last few months or so me and this girl from the group have become extremely good friends. we get along amazingly well and have such a laugh.
Couple of months ago we started giving each other lifts to and from rehearsals and social events in the group as we live so close...it made sense.
Over this time i found myself seeing her as more than a friend, she ticked every box and we just hit it off, but when i started to feel this, she was due to get married not long after!
So of course i let it be out of respect to her and her partner, im not out to ruin anybodies relationship!
I had just started getting used to the fact that she was 'off-limits' when the most unhelpful thing happened.
We were attending the Christmas party for the group together, which then led to an after party at a members house, everybody was very drunk and slowly more and more people left to go home. we however could not leave until the morning due to needing to catch the first train on that line in the morning.
Now dont panic...no cheating involved we were sitting chatting until the early hours of the morning which isnt odd for us, when she then confessed to me that she had liked me a lot for a while even before she got married but never said anything out of fear for her marriage due to confusion and also the fact she thought i saw her as just a friend. Since this we have been chatting non stop! In a different manner too!
She claims to like me so much and says its not just a fling or a phase its more than that, and has never happened to her before. Liking me even caused her doubts before she got married but she just put it down to cold feet. We have met a couple of times since to talk about it, but neither of us really know what to do. We have both pretty much agreed that eventually this will come down to either we call it quits and keep it friendly and forget about it if possible, or of course the less easy route of her husband getting hurt...which again has never been my intention.

So i guess im just after people's opinions on if they think maybe i should just back off? or if maybe theres even a hint of a chance at something else.

Any responses hugely appreciated! Thanks

[RipVanWinkleX]

IMO, back off. Let her choose. If you want to go farther, then she has to pick you and break off the marriage. This is up to her.

[Lidderz]

very true, which is the choice i think she's trying to make now. thing is im not an arsehole that would end up in an affair, so before anything went further then if it was going to then exactly as you say...she would need to break it off with him first

[HeartIsAching]

Exactly right. Actually... if you did, you'd be pretty much guaranteed to have it happen to you sometime down the road.

One piece of advice - don't push for the decision you want. If you do and she does what you want, you'll forever wonder whether or not she came to you of her own free will. Waiting sucks - trust me I know but it's better in the long run.

[RipVanWinkleX]

I believe you should talk to her one last time. Tell her about her choice she needs to make and that she thinks it though. You don't want her to push her, just make sure he will not regret anything.

[Lidderz]

oh i definitely agree, plus..say if it did go my way, then i could never trust her not to do it to me in the future!

And a good piece of advice there, thank you. not pushing it anyway well doing my best not to.
Also this has the potential to get very messy before a real conclusion comes of it, so need to be so careful and let it be whatever it will be.

Never just straight forward bump into the single girl in the street huh! Damn those movies lol

[bob the brave]

HeartIsAching has some good advice. The main thing is that everyone is respected. But that may mean she breaks her marriage for you, because it would not be fair to her husband to be married to someone who has feelings for someone else. Here is the kicker, and I'm for sure gonna get **** for this - "It has been my experience that although women can be very smart, they seem on average to be more hard wired instinctively when it come to sex and relationships. That is, they put their brains in park. Therefore, they sometimes really think they want something and then change their mind later on without really thinking through the consequences. I have seen women do this a lot and they become their own victims as well as hurting others.

Also sometimes we are attracted to someone because we can't have them. Some girls thrive on attention and now that she has her husband the thrill may have worn off and you could be next to tarnish. Generally speaking, a girl who still looks around and says something like she did after just getting married should not be trusted.

[Guybrush]

If she did call the marriage off and chose you over her fiancee, would you trust her not to to do the same to you somewhere down the road?

[Lidderz]

If she did call the marriage off and chose you over her fiancee, would you trust her not to to do the same to you somewhere down the road?

she is already married. but yes this has gone through my mind also. unfortuneatly she has this innocence about her that makes it very hard to believe she would do. of course its not something i could know, so yes a risky thing to get in to. she claims that she has never had something like this happen to her and if you knew her you would understand what i mean when i say she really does not come across as the kind that craves this sort of attention for the sake of excitement, or just on a whim

[Lidderz]

bob the brave thank you also for your comments. my last post would probably refer to your post too

[IndiReloaded]

Man, pull your heart out of the shredder before its too late. She's married; stop it.

[IndiReloaded]

Generally speaking, a girl who still looks around and says something like she did after just getting married should not be trusted.

This right here.

[AdminOnline]

if she like you alot, why did she get married in the first place?

the person she choose should be you.

and now, this mess kicks in.

you better stay away from her and give your blessing..
or more problems going to happen for those involved.

[smackie9]

She will get over you, because yes it is a phase. People desire most what they can't have, and I believe this is what has happened. Back off, and cut the friendship out as well. There will be nothing healthy coming out of that, there is too much sexual tension. Move on.