Urgent Help Needed!

[Brad77]

Hi

I have been seeing this girl for a month and a half and a few days ago she broke it off. I don’t know what to do. She is incredibly insecure and was also in an abusive relationship in the past.
She said her reasoning was that I am better off without her and she’s doing it now to save one of us from getting even more hurt down the track. She thinks I want more than she is able to give me and that she is not enough and toxic. She needs me to stay away from her.

She keeps everything inside and I told her it was ok to let me in and now she thinks I want more and she can’t give it to me because she cant let her walls down. She also does not believe in love and says that she likes me as much as its possible for her to like a person but that she won’t ever be able to like me as much as I like her and its not fair on me.

She also says she is protecting herself from getting hurt again and cant deal with all of this even though she likes me. I don’t know what to do, it seems like even though she is saying she wants to breakup, she really doesn’t and is just afraid of getting serious and having one of us hurt each other in the long run.

Also I think I may have taken things too fast which has resulted in her freaking out. I spent a lot on her for her birthday, have introduced her to my family and maybe gotten too serious too quickly.

I care about her a lot and don't want to give up on her, we have still been messaging the last few days but she does not want to see me and keeps saying its weird and confusing and there's too much to sort out. I don't know what is wrong because she won't talk about it.

I need some advice as to what I should do in this situation, I don't want to walk away I want to work things out. What should I do?

[basilandthyme]

Brad, as tough as it is, I think you should walk away. Have you realised that by continuing to contact her, you're disrespecting her wishes? I know you're doing it with the best of intentions, but at the moment you're just one more person who's not respecting what she's asking for. I think it's far wiser to respect her request for space, but perhaps, do so by saying "call me if you ever change you mind".

Having said all that, it sounds like this girl needs far more than a stable relationship to help her become a functional partner. Let's face it, she would not have gotten into the previous toxic relationship if she wasn't already damaged.

As hard as it is to believe right now, she IS doing you a favour. She's in no state to have a relationship and your love won't fix her.

[rayna]

She sounds very broken/insecure and probably needs time to sort herself out. I'd say what she needs now is a friend she comfortable with not another potential boyfriend. Let her know you'll be there for her if she needs someone to talk to or cry on but you'll give her the space she needs. Just step back after that. Maybe when she's ready she'll come back. Don't push it...once a girl decides you can't even be friends you've lost her.