Reuniting with a lost love...

[Wakeup]

You didn't respond to the question of whether or not they could move back to Toronto (her and her parents) to be with You instead of you uprooting and losing a valuable career position and investments made where you currently are. If they are retired and she can obviously find work in Toronto then don't you think she should consider sucking it up buttercup and moving back to YOU? She has nothing to keep her there but being homesick for her parents so why not all of them move here?

[GFunkAllstar]

You didn't respond to the question of whether or not they could move back to Toronto (her and her parents) to be with You instead of you uprooting and losing a valuable career position and investments made where you currently are. If they are retired and she can obviously find work in Toronto then don't you think she should consider sucking it up buttercup and moving back to YOU? She has nothing to keep her there but being homesick for her parents so why not all of them move here?

Her parents never lived here or have any interest in living here. The point of her going to Vancouver was so that she could be closer to them. Also, other than their immediate family, the rest of them are in Korea. Vancouver's proximity to Asia plays a huge part in why they live where they do.

[Wakeup]

Alright.. Then it's expected that you do All the sacraficing. Only you can make the decision of whether or not you uproot and move to be with her. I've just been giving you some compromising scenerios to consider but there is no compromising to be done if the only solution in her and her parents mind is for you to go there.

Good luck, no matter what you decide to do. I know that if I loved you and my parents would soon be leaving to go back to Korea, I would stay with you and visit them often rather than leave you all together and then beg for you to give up everything to be with me. They're rich. They can afford the airfair.

[GFunkAllstar]

Alright.. Then it's expected that you do All the sacraficing. Only you can make the decision of whether or not you uproot and move to be with her. I've just been giving you some compromising scenerios to consider but there is no compromising to be done if the only solution in her and her parents mind is for you to go there.

Good luck, no matter what you decide to do. I know that if I loved you and my parents would soon be leaving to go back to Korea, I would stay with you and visit them often rather than leave you all together and then beg for you to give up everything to be with me. They're rich. They can afford the airfair.

You make some incredibly valid points. Thank you! Thing is, when she made the decision to move, although we were madly in love, our relationship was only 8 months in. It was the following few months while she was still in Toronto, and everything that happened since she's moved that made us both realize how special our connection was. For me and her, it seems a once-in-a-lifetime love.

[Wakeup]

Well, I don't want to be a negative beotch here because true love doesn't come around everyday of the week but as I said, if she really loved you, then why wouldn't she consider moving back to you and visiting mom/dad/bro on a more regular basis? It's a compromise that would work for both of you. No? Why not at least propose it and see what she has to say for herself?

[IndiReloaded]

Your job isn't who or what you are, it isn't your life - it's what you do to pay for your life. Your partner IMNHSO is much more important.

The romantic in me agrees with HIA, but the pragmatist says: forward, but with caution.

I live in Vancouver, Canada. Currently considered the most expensive city *in the world* to live in, when you factor living/housing cost to earnings ratio. The whole region has undergone a boom in population in the last decade with retirees and asian immigration that has made the job market here extremely competitive. Highly-qualified people who have no problem finding work elsewhere are competing for jobs here with many taking positions for much less income than they would get elsewhere. Plus, global economy issues have hit here also. Many of those retirees are still in the workforce (so you have all that experience to compete with) who are trying to pay for their 2nd, 3rd home. Its sounds as if you are in a professional field and that's actually against you in this market. You'd have a much easier time finding work if you were in a blue-collar trade.

I think your best bet is to have her relocate to you. Toronto is a good city. What are her reasons for not being able to do this?

Failing that, I would only move if you have a solid job prospect here AND some permanence to your relationship. If you two are so in love and meant to be together, then she should be willing to marry you. Especially if you are going to be taking a career risk to be together. Is she willing to support *you*, while you find work, or is your income and success part of your attraction? Remember, you can always sign a prenuptial agreement, there are many varieties of them (look up sundown clauses). But what you want from her is an equal amount of commitment, I think.

As far as finding a job here, there are headhunter services you can use to help you find work. But, again, I would only do it with a significant commitment on her part. I've seen too many threads on here where one partner moves for the other and then get dumped and left with nothing. Yes, finding 'the One' is rare and should be given every chance to work, but no point in leaving your brain at the door to make it happen.

[IndiReloaded]

A couple other points to what people have mentioned.

The Toronto real estate market is nothing compared to Vancouver. I work with colleagues (I work for a large university here) who sold their homes back east expecting the be able to purchase something comparable here in Vancouver. Not so. A smallish condo will run you about 300K and that's in the suburbs. Do your research.

Just so you know, regarding the other posts, there are some decent ideas, but they aren't coming from experience and they haven't had to manage their own career. You will find it very difficult here in Vancouver. I moved here over a decade ago, but those who are moving here now are struggling. Two high-income earners (e.g. university faculty) can't afford to buy a home in Vancouver closer than an hour+ commute to their jobs. Not to dissuade you, just be aware of what you are moving to.

[GFunkAllstar]

A couple other points to what people have mentioned.

The Toronto real estate market is nothing compared to Vancouver. I work with colleagues (I work for a large university here) who sold their homes back east expecting the be able to purchase something comparable here in Vancouver. Not so. A smallish condo will run you about 300K and that's in the suburbs. Do your research.

Just so you know, regarding the other posts, there are some decent ideas, but they aren't coming from experience and they haven't had to manage their own career. You will find it very difficult here in Vancouver. I moved here over a decade ago, but those who are moving here now are struggling. Two high-income earners (e.g. university faculty) can't afford to buy a home in Vancouver closer than an hour+ commute to their jobs. Not to dissuade you, just be aware of what you are moving to.

You may have missed it, but my ex already has a gorgeous condo there. Her previous condo was paid off, and she just upgraded to another one without much mortgage to worry about. Money isn't the issue...well I suppose it is. I have a strong sense of pride (helen would say stubbornly so), and I simply can't allow someone else to take care of me, without at least pitching in.
Truth is, I'd be open to a career change in Vancouver. I have a strong work ethic and am willing to put in the effort.

[IndiReloaded]

Right. But its her condo then. What happens if you move here and 6 months or a year later she decides its not working after all?

As for the career change, there are options with headhunters. Not trying to dissuade you, as I said, but you should be aware of the market coming in. Though, it sounds as if you are in a specialized niche area, so perhaps you can find a place with CBC or one of the other large broadcasters out here. The movie industry is another possibility, which is quite big here in Vancouver. Some of the local colleges (my area) even have broadcasting programs, if you are willing to take a paycut then there's always academia

Anyway, wish you luck whatever you decide.

[GFunkAllstar]

Thank you indi. Great advice all around. However I'm still stuck here undecided. Determine ones future in one fell swoop brings with it a lot of pressure.