Smothering - now what ?

[Loralei]

Hi Everyone,

I'm 35 and have been dating this girl (also 35) for 18months - up to this point we have been very close and care about each other deeply. I've had a lot of stress at work lately and I guess I've been quite needy with her. This has resulted in her starting to feel very smothered in the relationship - she has said that she feels that she needs some space for herself to figure things out. In hindsight I can see how I may have been overly demanding of her attention but I acknowledge this now and have told her so.

So now things are awkward between us - it's been two months and contact has been very limited. I am trying to respect her space but at the same time I feel that any time I text or contact her that I'm irritating her. Do I need to stop contacting her altogether and leave it up to her to contact me if/when she feels like it ? and is there anything that I can do to reassure her (other than just repeatedly telling her) that I've realized the error of my smothering ways ?

Thanks,

Lor

[Gwk]

I would jusT leave her alone and have her contact you if/when she wants to.

[chenderson325]

You can reassure her by not smothering or clinging. Actions speak louder than words, as they say Let her contact you.

[Boisdevie]

After two months and there's limited contact from her? Surely after two months she'd be able to make up her mind? Sounds like she isn't too into the relationship. Why not just talk to her about it?

[Loralei]

Thanks everyone - I guess I sort of guessed that it would be best to let her contact me.

After two months and there's limited contact from her? Surely after two months she'd be able to make up her mind? Sounds like she isn't too into the relationship. Why not just talk to her about it?

The thing is that in hindsight, once she told me how she felt, I should have just left her alone and gone no-contact. Instead during the two months I tried to respect her space but didn't do a very good job - I was so lovesick (and still am) - I was contacting her once a week trying to get her to talk but I think it just set things back even further. I've learned that she is very avoidant of conflict - like to the point where she will just block it out.

At this stage I've tried everything I can think of except full-on no contact so it's my last hope. I'll try to give it 30 days after which point, if she hasn't made contact, I'll have to accept that the relationship is probably over. Maybe a short note or text at that point but that will be it....I'll just have to see.

During the 30 days I will try to work on myself and my state of mind - I've tried all of the normal things like excercise/hobbies etc...does anyone have any suggestions for rehabilitation of my soul during this period ?

Thanks,

Lor