Saying sorry

[idim]

Hi everyone,

So basically I was with my ex for about 8 months. In August I went on holiday for a week and this overlapped with her 2 week holiday, and I didn't see her for 3 weeks. Whilst I was on holiday I spent every evening chatting to her on facebook. As soon as I was home and she was on holiday, she left me one message. I was OK with this, as it was her first holiday abroad and I wanted her to enjoy it.

I later found out that she cheated on me twice whilst on holiday, and we broke up. We had a massive argument, and I realised how little feelings she had for anything. I was gutted and the only way I could think of to annoy her was to insult her mum, whom she has a close relationship with. I always got on well with her whole family and everything I said I didn't really mean. This caused her mum and sisters to hate me, understandably so.

I had not spoken to her since, until I saw her on Friday night when she was in the same night club that I was. Conversation was short as the music was so loud, but I basically told her that I was sorry for bringing her mum into the argument, as I genuinely did respect her. I also told her that I was not sorry for anything else that I said about her personally, as I feel cheating is the worst thing anybody can do.

Two nights later, on New Years Eve, I saw her younger sister in town. I had a chat with her and told her that I was genuinely sorry that I bad mouthed her mum. I also made it very clear that I neither expected her to forgive me, or particularly wanted her to, but just that I wanted her to know that just knowing that I'd made them all so angry (my ex texted me the morning after the argument saying 'my mum is off her rocker angry, she said she's been nothing but nice to you and you go and insult her entire life' - which is true) and that the moment I received this text I felt annoyed at myself. We hugged and she said she missed seeing me around the house - I was there all the time. She was both freezing and being sick due to alcohol, and I called a taxi and paid for her to go home, as she had no money and her only other option was walking home, which is a half an hour walk.

This took a huge weight off my chest, knowing that even though it was something so small - paying £10 for her to get a taxi home in the state she was in - and I told her not to tell any of her family about us even seeing each other out.

Basically, my question is this - do you think I should tell her family that I am sorry for saying what I said? Or to just leave it now how it is knowing in myself that I didn't mean the things I said, and that her younger sister, who is probably the one out of them all that I was closest to, knows that I am genuinely sorry?

This is in no way an attempt to get back together with my ex, even though her family may see it in this way. I just feel that it may take the rest of the weight off my shoulders which has been dragging me down for these past couple of months.

Sorry for such a long post, and thank you for reading if you did. Any comments please let me know.

Thanks

[Guybrush]

Well, you have been an ass and you admit it. Lets start with the facts:

The one who still rightfully feels offended and you haven't talked to is her mum, right?

Two options:

Option 1: Do nothing and accept that her mum will never respect or forgive you. If this seems unbearable to you, see option number 2.

Option 2: Talk to the offended mum directly and sincerely apologize. If she does not accept, return to option 1.

[idim]

I also do not know the best way to apologise to her, as I cannot simply turn up to their house

[basilandthyme]

I also do not know the best way to apologise to her, as I cannot simply turn up to their house

Write a letter and post it. Handwrite it - don't type it. And don't reference how angry you were at the daughter when you wrote it. Simply talk about your bad behaviour and how much you regret it.

[DannBurkholder]

Apolize yourself by either writing a letter as basilandthyme said or you may go directly to her residence sit quietely and face to face say sorry without including the anger scene you have with her daughter. OR you may bring some flowers for her with a sorry letter to be sent to her.

Thanks
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[idim]

Thanks for the replies everyone - just not really sure what to say in this letter if I don't mention the anger at my ex though?

[IndiReloaded]

Just let it go, man. Your ex cheated on you, you were hurt and you made a mistake. If her mom isn't mature enough to understand this, then she's got issues of her own.

Sounds to me your 'apology' is one of those fake ones where you are doing it to make *yourself* feel better. That's not a true apology. A real apology is to help heal the hurt of the injured party. Your guilt is for you to deal with and learn from. I really doubt your ex's mom cares what you think.

[Fruitss]

well u r a loser. if u insult ones mother u r not worth it too be with.

thats a huge mistake u did intentionally. dudes like that often ends up mis treating the girl.
so break up was the only solution and ..................... beat your teeth's out of your nasty mouth

[basilandthyme]

Thanks for the replies everyone - just not really sure what to say in this letter if I don't mention the anger at my ex though?

An apology isn't the time to explain WHY we did something. Instead, it's about owning our own behaviour and expressing regret for the hurt caused. Thing is, your ex did not cause you to insult her mother. Sure, she made you mad, but insulting the mother is entirely on your head.

[Guybrush]

I also do not know the best way to apologise to her, as I cannot simply turn up to their house

Essentially, you were angry that your ex cheated on you but you had no right to involve or insult her mother. The first part is the background and the second part is the actual apology. Elaborate and focus on the second part, not on the first. If you do it the other way around it will appear as more of an excuse than an apology.

Do you agree? If you do, then that is your strategy right there. Of, course phrase it the way you feel is approproate and comes natural for you. But you need to be sincere, otherwise there is no point in doing it at all.