Hi all, I would really love some advice on my current love-life situation.
So I've been seeing this girl for about 5 months now. We talk everyday, we say goodnight every night, we say good morning every morning. I am at her place more often than not, sometimes in week-long instances. We are intimate, we say I love you to each other often, we care about each other, and we don't fight often - even then we talk about it, we never leave each other angry. In short, everything seems great, right? Well, here's the kicker, and I'd love to hear an outside perspective.
This girl, a bit over a year ago, got out of a long term relationship. She told me this when we first began seeing each other - that she wasn't looking for a relationship - and I was okay with that at the time. Since that time, we've had another few conversations about what we wanted. Things have changed, and she knows that I'm looking for a relationship now - I told her this recently, my feelings have changed... I can't help it. I feel like we are in a relationship. Yet I still feel that she is tentative to commit fully.... our conversation about this ended in an abstract manner - "I don't know what to do," "Give me time, lets think about it," etc.
In a way, my biggest fear is that she won't let go primarily because she is afraid of losing me - I don't want to have to convince anyone to be in a relationship with me. I am not angry at her, I respect what she wants and that she told me from the beginning. She knows what I want now, and respects it too (I can feel she's trying to sort through her feelings). But things have evolved, things have to change or I know it won't end well. Its 5 months in, and, no thanks to the holiday season haha, its starting to wear on me emotionally; I don't like to be evasive when our friends ask me whats going on, and I can't say anything. I don't like that we can't appear as a couple in front of people we know. Its like I should feel ashamed of loving her or that I'm not good enough. She's told me this isn't the case, but whether its just my ego or not, I know its not something I can go on with. Our most recent talk was just a few days ago, I know she can't change right away; but these feelings are starting to transmute into feelings of jealousy and distrust. It might not have anything to do with me, but I can't help feeling how can't it. But then I feel bad, because I shouldn't be jealous, because we're not in a mutual "relationship".... its not fair to her that I feel this way either. Her friends have told me that I shouldn't give up on her, that she wants these things too; I haven't pried, but they alluded to some abusive-type things in her past relationship that she is trying to get over.
Any insight - whether black, white, or grey - would be immensely helpful. Obviously we care about each other deeply, but I know the status quo cannot continue. How long should I wait? Should I wait? Are we better off not seeing each other for awhile? Stay the course? Something else? Help.