ZERO experience

[phoenixcinder]

This situation is going to be a weird one.

I'm 34 and I haven't really dated before, I actually don't have the foggiest how one can work it properly. The few relationships I have had in my life each started as sex. Not a good support base for anything serious.

So time to do this the old fashion way. What the heck is the old fashion way?
The only kind of "dates" that I know are to meet at a coffee shop, see if we wanna have sex and go from there. FWB, casual encounters, booty calls whatever you want to call it.

But in regards to a proper "get to know a woman" kind of date, for every aspect from the initiation to the goodbye I am completely blind. Every situation I conjure up in my mind feels like an interrogation more than anything else.

Thoughts anyone?

[Love'sReject]

..dammit. At least you've had sex.

[phoenixcinder]

Meh, yeah but trust me having sex just for the sake of meeting physical needs and having sex because you love someone are 2 completely different things. The first of the 2 can get old fast.

[Love'sReject]

From what I've heard, contrary to most thinking, good relationships can actually start with sex: I've read about cases where that's happened.

[phoenixcinder]

yes it is totally possible. but the odds are much lower when you don't really know the other person except for in a sexual aspect.

[Love'sReject]

The only kind of "dates" that I know are to meet at a coffee shop, see if we wanna have sex and go from there. FWB, casual encounters, booty calls whatever you want to call it.

I've honed in on this part of your OP. You've got the meeting up for dates part right; as long as you and your dates keep deciding on jumping to sex right then and there, though, I don't see any lasting relationships forming, to be honest. It seems like you've pretty much gone straight for the sex rather than try doing a one-step-at-a-time date to date with the intention of possibly entering a relationship..

[phoenixcinder]

correct, that is because our initial conversations before meeting we both knew we were meeting for the potential of sex. I am sick n tired of the meaningless sex and am done with the FWB. Meeting a woman for a potential FWB and meeting a woman to see if there is chemistry and interests that warrant connecting again are completely different.

Meeting for a FWB situation I know what I am doing. It is the other half I am stumped on, meeting in hopes of a connection that surpasses just sex. I don't even want to consider sex until we are electrically attracted to eachother emotionally. This is where I am totally blind.

[Love'sReject]

Interesting. Where do you tend to meet these women?

[phoenixcinder]

Initially online, but this time I am staying away from the "casual encounters" "intimate encounter" kind of sections.

For a good laugh I am going to tell you how my last attempted proper date went. Was 6 years ago. I made the mistake of giving her a dozen roses. the date was over as fast as it started. lesson learned......roses are toxic on a first date. maybe that can help give you an idea of how absolutely clueless I am at how a proper date should go. Also learned many years ago that chivalry is toxic too, open too many doors, pull seats out etc supposedly is a hidden signal that the guy is desperate. Have no friggin idea what to do.

[Love'sReject]

Yeah, staying out of the CE/IE section will definitely help ya out, man.

[Scarlet_P]

No right or wrong way to go about it. Sex, hopefully, is an inevitability, so here are 2 scenarios:
1) You meet a nice girl, and on the day you meet her, have sex. It was good, and she thought so too. You have each others' numbers, and go on dates, and the rest is history.
2) You meet a nice girl, and go dating for a bit. You want to get to know her, you laugh together, and have a lot in common. You then have sex, and the rest is history.
Whatever order you do things, you still reach the same point. Whatever happens, if sex matters to either of you at all, is that it happens at some point. But either way, you'll either like the person or you won't, same for her. If you like sleeping together, and like each other as people, you'll most likely stay together. If not, you won't.

I think you're on the right lines. Maybe a dozen roses is too much on a first date, but good old fashioned manners can't be a bad thing. If someone doesn't appreciate etiquette then they're either thinking too much, ie, it's sexist or you're "oppressing their equality" or they don't recognise it when they see it. Standing when someone you're about to meet enters a room, shaking hands and smiling (or a kiss on the cheek if it's a date), opening a door for someone (male or female), not interupting and listening, respecting personal space, thanking people, giving compliments...anyone who views these things as corny or old fashioned or even sexist should read the manual!