first time

[phoenixcinder]

When meeting a guy for the very first time what do you hone in on?

Can you name a few things the guy said, did or was that destroyed any attraction or interest you may have had.

[basilandthyme]

Turn offs?

Right wing political agenda, arrogance, dirty fingernails, smelly, fussy eater, unkempt appearance, bad teeth, critical of others who's views differ for him, temper, can't laugh at himself.

[jennifer.c]

Well, the first thing anybody notices about anyone, to an extent, is appearance. So I'd notice (but not necessarily think critically about) what he's wearing and how he carries himself.

As far as when we start talking, I'd notice if he seems genuine and friendly upon meeting me as opposed to outright flirty and with possible ulterior motives for being nice to me. A guy should actually take interest in a girl as a person and as a friend in addition to a romantic interest. There was once a guy I'd see every few weeks at random parties/ social gatherings. He would always come talk to me and act super sweet and nice and very interested in everything I said and did. I was friendly back and would talk to him but didn't flirt, since I had a long-distance boyfriend at the time. On around our third meeting I made a point to mention this boyfriend in front of him. He kind of started glaring at me the rest of the night and when I asked him why he kept looking at me like that, he said, "well, since you have a boyfriend, there's really no point in talking to you anymore." Needless to say, I never had the desire to talk to him again.

Other random things that would turn me off:
Arrogance: This is usually apparent in a first meeting. Talking himself up, highlighting his own accomplishments, domineering the conversation, trying to show off somehow and expecting me to be amazed (Even if it is impressive, I'd still think he was lame for showing off and it would basically destroy all possible chances). And some guys just have the general cocky air about them. That isn't to be confused with confidence. You can be confident, courteous and able to laugh at yourself all at the same time.

I found this more funny than annoying, but the display of the self-centered attitude still made me not attracted to him. One time at a party, a guy was chatting me up and offered to open for me the beer he'd given me a few minutes earlier. He was talking (about himself) as he did so, and held it for a while after it was open because he was so wrapped up in what he was saying I guess he forgot to hand it back to me. Then he started to drink it. The entire thing. The beer he offered to me. He clearly just forgot and he wasn't trying to be a jerk, but I thought it was kind of hilarious. He just seemed really focused on himself, not something I'm into.

Also turnoffs: extreme underconfidence/awkwardness, no sense of humor, overly negative/cynical, does the whole "putting the other person down as a form of flirting/teasing" thing (this can be fine if we have an established friendship, but NOT when we just met).

Things that would make a good impression: kind, dresses well (and this doesn't mean fancy - it could include ripped jeans and a tee shirt, but you can tell a guy who has a sense of style over a guy who buys and wears clothes for the sole reason of not being naked), good sense of humor, can laugh at himself, is into the same things I am (or at least doesn't write them off as awful if he isn't), open-minded and accepting, down-to-earth and realistic.