NEED HELP Getting Back With Ex And How To Approach NO Contact Rule

[pd1220]

Hello all.

This is my first serious relationship so I'm a bit devastated. It only lasted for about 5 months but during that time I really enjoyed spending time together with my ex girlfriend.

Her reason for dumping me was that there's not enough chemistry or that chemistry had lost along the way. Then she took common approach of saying something similar to "It's not you, it's me" and "I really wanted this to work so badly" or "I hope I find someone who's as kind and caring as you" Then of course if you want to be friend thing.

I've had time to reflect on what went wrong between us. I felt like I did not have a chance to explain myself when we broke up (I thought it wouldn't matter at the time). Here's my thought. I was being sick back to back and me not being myself at that time, I left her feeling distant. Plus, my several business trips for work made us even further apart. In the last month and a 1/2, I traveled 3 times, I was sick 2 times in a middle and after that. I think that's where the chemistry got lost. We NEVER argued during this 5 months, we negotiated certain things and sometimes even compromised.

I think she still has a feeling for me. Or maybe she wants to feel less guilt and avoid hurting my feelings. I still want to get back with her at some point. My questions are...

1. I keep hearing these 1 month of NO CONTACT rule to give the girl time and make her miss you. Is there such thing as "1 month"? What about 2 weeks, 3 weeks? If I want to reignite the spark, I don't want that to disappear if I wait longer.

2. Lets say you wait a month (less or more) with NO CONTACT, is it okay for me to initiate contact (email, text) or should I wait for her to contact?

3. Do you think I still have a chance of getting her back?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[Cerby]

The no contact rule is a tool to help you get over it. After a couple of months, even if she doesn't miss you, you've had enough time to start living life without her, and have started to move on. This is the practical objective of going no contact. There is no "spark" to reignite, she left because there was a lack of chemistry. The best thing for you to do if after a month you're still pining to contact her, is to write a letter, read it to see how silly you would look to her if she read it, then toss it out.

Do you have a chance? There is always a chance, but based on my experience, and other posts I've seen on this forum, it isn't likely. Even if you do get back together, it won't be the same. The "no contact" rule was something perpetuated to help the broken hearted have hope while they recover, there isn't an actual strategy for success. If someone leaves you, that is an indication you aren't right for each other.

[searock]

I don't think you should hang on to the hope that she will want you back. You were only together for 5 months, that's a very short amount of time. She doesn't feel for you the way you feel for her - the sooner you accept this, the better for you.

I say do follow the no contact rule, but NOT as means to make her want you back: it doesn't work that way. Follow the NC rule for yourself, it will help you to move on.

[bcgirl]

If she lacked feeling a certain chemistry/ connection/ spark after 5 months.... What makes you think this relationship has the grounds for success in the long hall?

[searock]

Aw that's a bit harsh though, moving him to the Broken Hearts forum?

[smackie9]

She dumped you, she needs to be the one to contact you. Since this was your first, you are inexperienced with these things. Relationship will come and go, and no matter how much in love you are in, that is no reason for a relationship to continue if the other doesn't want to be in it anymore. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, not lose interest....she really wasn't that into you. You need to accept it, and let go before you lose your mind.

[pd1220]

Thank you all for input and advice.

And I guess I deserve to be moved to "Broken Heart" section.

[Cerby]

Aw that's a bit harsh though, moving him to the Broken Hearts forum?

Exactly where it belongs. He is here looking for a way to get his ex back because he has a broken heart from getting dumped. There is no "Love Advice" here, just a lost guy willing to try anything.

[ashley89]

As blunt as this may sound, there is no hope for this relationship. She broke up with you and said there's no chemistry. That basically means she doesn't feel the same way about you as you do for her. I know you might think you can change or do something to win her back or change her mind, but the reality is that you can't. You are who you are and she doesn't want to be with you. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you, it just means she's the wrong girl for you. I went through a bad breakup and I thought the no contact rule was literally going to kill me. It is one of the hardest things to do, but TRUST ME, you will get through it. Contacting her is only going to prolong the process of getting over her. Go out with friends, spend time doing activities you enjoy, meet new people, do things to get your mind off of her and I promise you in time your desire to talk to her will fade until the point where you literally won't even think about her, or if you do, it will be a neutral feeling.

[searock]

Exactly where it belongs. He is here looking for a way to get his ex back because he has a broken heart from getting dumped. There is no "Love Advice" here, just a lost guy willing to try anything.

I know that...