Girlfriend of 4.5 yrs cheated on me again dont know what to do

[Solidus943]

Well ive been with my girlfriend for 4.5 yrs and for that time she has never been faithfull. it all started about a year into the relationship she went on a family trip and while she was away some slept with her cousins friend tom. When she came back from the trip she called called tom behind my back told him she was single and started a long distance relationship with him. I found out and confronted her and she eventally told me everything, we had a bit of space and I forgave her but I started checkin her phone from there on. I later found out that while we had space she had slept witg someone else and that even before she slept with tom she had giving a guy friend a blow job. We both went in threapy but she only did a few sessions and I forgave her. In the third and forth year of are relationship other things happened she msged other guys flurted, kissed, sent sexy photos, did hand stuff with some other guys and I never found out until I confronted her and trapped her in telling me what was goin on. Know weve been together 4.5 yrs and I have asked her whats going on and threated to leave if she doesnr tell me. I have found out in the last few months she has joined a dating site and has slept with a few more guys shes not sure how many or just wont tell me and she gave another guy a blow job and kissed one or two more guys. I have told her we need space and that we might break up she believes me because she packed up her clothes. I dont know what to do I know this relationship.isnt working because of all this pbut I love her very much and I know she does truely love me. She has a lot of problems, with herself cofidence and issues with her dad and family she sees herself as useless and wothless she has talked bout killing herself even b4 all the cheating. I just dont know what to do I know I deserve better but I cannot see a world were shes not in my life.

In summery she has slept with 5 or six guys and did hand stuff with another 5 guys, and msged/flurted with them or some other guys on the phone.

[dem862]

I don't think it is love. It is some kind of co-dependent mishmash. Everyone on here will tell you to dump her. Beyond that, if you refuse to dump her, you will have to accept that she will never be faithful. You will not change her. And yes, you do deserve better.

[Solidus943]

the relationship wasnt all bad we had some amazing times together and she is one of the closest people in my life. How do u stop seeing someone that made u smile when u just next to them? I know it is probably for the best to break up I just wish there was a was we could both still be in each others life. I think its harder because I was going to propose b4 all this stuff really happened

[dem862]

She is not going to change and it doesn't sound like you can accept her behavior. There is such a thing as an open relationship, but I don't think you want that. If so, there are usually some boundaries and ground rules. You are starting the process of grieving the loss of this relationship. That process ends with acceptance, but it will take time. Good luck to you.

[Solidus943]

I know ur right everytime I comfroted her about it she made some improvement but then ended up cheating again, I think its harder because she was my first love and I really could see us spending are life together and its even harder cause I was planing to propose. Just need someone to talk this through with, I cant tell my family or friends cause I dont want them to judge me for puttin up with this all this time and I really dont want them to judge her because she has had big emotional problems in the past and even though she has hurt me I dont want to hurt her.

[Wakeup]

I have asked her whats going on and threated to leave if she doesnr tell me.

That's okay, sport. She knows you're not going anywhere. Why should she worry 'bout your threats when she can act like the town bicycle and just ride on home to you without consequence.

How do u stop seeing someone that made u smile when u just next to them?

By realizing that there are women out there that actually will be faithful while they make you smile. Jeeeeezus.

[Boisdevie]

That's okay, sport. She knows you're not going anywhere. Why should she worry 'bout your threats when she can act like the town bicycle and just ride on home to you without consequence.

By realizing that there are women out there that actually will be faithful while they make you smile. Jeeeeezus.

You have to laugh though. Those wacky Americans. Most powerful nation on earth. Makes you wonder how the hell that happened.

[Love'sReject]

OP, what do you think about yourself? Give us an honest evaluation of yourself.

[Solidus943]

Im an indesicieve person it hard for me to make up my mind, I just love being with her, but I know I dont deseve this she says she wil change but she has said this all in the past, does anyone beleive if it possible to break up and if she changes and seeks help to one day in the far future ever get back together. (like the saying if u love it set it free and if its ment to be they will return to u)

[Love'sReject]

Well, what my question attempted to elicit from you is a self-evaluation of your esteem; you know by now plenty of times over that she is extremely cruel and uncaring yet you still want her. Staying in an abusive relationship generally denotes very poor self esteem, as though the victim doesn't think they can find another relationship and so stay with the tumultuous one.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're not indecisive, you are a decided pussy. Why don't you two just have an open relationship, that way you can get some strange too. What did you want to accomplish by coming here?

[smackie9]

OMFG just dump her already and move on.

[Love'sReject]

The best advice and the actual solution tend to get ignored, but for God's sake OP dump her.

[HeartIsAching]

So... do you just like being a doormat? She knows that all she has to do is be sufficiently contrite for a little while, and you'll let her come back. Since there are no consequences for her actions, she won't stop doing it... so the question is, if she won't stop, will you?

[Love'sReject]

You should really listen to HIA: he knows all about being a doormat, too. He was passed around the jail like a dutchie.