I need some real help with this one....

[Need_Truth]

Hi Everyone – I need some advice. I’ll be as candid as I can about the situation, but I am a total loss as to what to do about it and any advice would be greatly appreciated

I met a wonderful woman in 2002 online in a chat room. It started as innocent fun, but then escalated into online games and chat nightly & finally phone calls. We spent several months talking nightly for a few hours before bed and shared just about everything about each other. Neither of us was in a relationship, or was looking for a relationship. Just an FYI, I was in my early thirties at the time.

Then one night before hanging up about four months later she said “I love you”. I returned the same out of reflex and we both hung up. About a half hour later she called me back and we both talked about how comfortable it was to say “I love you”.

Years passed and we still talked about every night for several hours. She lives in a different time zone and was unable to travel much due to her job, and I was not able to go to her for financial reasons. Yet we both fell madly in love. We planned for the future and discussed what our marriage would be like. She bought a dress, and I started saving for a ring.

Seven years and some change later, I ended the relationship in 2009.

Why would I choose to walk away from the most important woman in the world? Because we were both miserable at NEVER being able to meet. We literally never made it into the same zip code, and it wasn’t for a lack of trying.

It was one of the most difficult heart wrenching decisions I have ever made in my life. The moral high ground has been little solace to me, but I truly cared for her so much that I didn’t think it was fair to make her suffer any longer.

To this day, I still think about her as the only woman that I truly ever loved. I have never been so close to another person in my life as I was with her. I tried to justify that the breakup was the best thing for both of us, but since it was done I really have had no inclination to date anyone since. I’m just not interested in dating anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been asked out many times, and have lots of women friends, but I just don’t get excited about meeting anyone.

My life to this day is still in progress, and every once in a great while I still feel the need to know if she is OK & wonder how she is doing.

ENTER FATE.

Last night I was playing around in Facebook, and accidently hit the “find friends” address book search function.

One of the results was an entry her first name, with MY last name. Just like as if we had gotten married. I was floored, stunned, and speechless. I have a pretty rare last name, and some of her FB friends I know are her relatives, so I don’t feel I am jumping to conclusions.

It wasn’t much of a profile, but it was setup in 2010. The thing that hit me hardest is her About section:
“Been really in love once in my life. Do not ever want to go there again, it hurts too much. I will always love >my first name<”.

Now I’m not sure what to do. I have a way of contacting her via FB mail, but this is a wound that in many small ways is still fresh for me.

I want to be a decent human and reach out to her to ask how she is doing. The fact that she violated major work protocols and setup this account leads me to think she is not.

Part of me still loves her; part of me knows it still probably won’t work this time. Both parts think I’m a total idiot. But hope is a cruel master & I’m feeling its powerful tug at my heart.

This is tearing me apart in ways that I didn’t fathom. It’s consuming me. I have to do something…but…what is the right thing to do?????

Mitch

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you're a total idiot too. Date local.