I'm a little confused about this boy, and what he really wants. Thoughts?

[laurynn]

Hi guys!
Okay, so I thought I would come to this site to get some of your thoughts about my situation. I'll try to make it a short read.
... Bf and I dated, broke up because he felt like he wasn't being a good bf to me. Kept texting me .. not even a month later comes to my house to hang out. We started "seeing each other" after that. We have been "seeing each other" for about 6 months now. He says and tells other people that it's exclusive between us ... that we are seeing each other just not under a legit bf/gf title. Hi best friend at home constantly bothers him about not just flat out dating me.. his mother asks him about me all the time. Everyone knows that even though we are not "dating officially" that we are still together. Some people don't realize its not a relationship unless they ask. He gets protective of us if a guy he knows asks about me being technically single.
We do everything a couple does, we spend holidays with the others family, go out together, just have movie nights, .. he works weird shifts sometimes and will get off at 5am .. asks me to stay up late and come over before he gets off and wait in his room so we can go to sleep together so we can wake up the next day together. Our relationship isn't always sex either .. there are plenty of times where nothing like that between us happens, we legit just hang out. Every time we leave each other there is a kiss goodbye. He says he just doesn't want a relationship at the moment but when I ask he always says when I do it will be with you. And he tells me that he likes me a lot and cares about me and thats why he constantly wants me around. He brings up us having children together as well... and often. I had mentioned that I'm not having a child if im not in a relationship as I want the father to be in both our lives as I feel that's a huge thing and I want my child to have both parental figures. He also brings up marriage between us. He will bring both these things up in front of other people as well. He doesn't hide me at all.. I've met the majority of his friends and his entire family knows about me. It's more than FWB. A close friend that he lives with tells me that "my boy" really cares about me a lot.
I'm only confused because why be in a "seeing each other" relationship but not an "official bf/gf" relationship?
Any thoughts? Please don't be rude.

[basilandthyme]

It's so that he doesn't have to commit to you. You're good to hang out with, but not good enough to pin himself down for.

I think a better question than why he's doing it is "why do you accept second best?"

[laurynn]

Then why talk about having a child and moving in together?

[vashti]

He's keeping his options open. He can have all the benefits of having a girlfriend (sex, companionship, etc) while avoiding any responsibility. This way, when a girl comes along that knocks him off his feet, he can just start seeing her without even having to break up with you, and if you become emotional about it, he can say "well, we were't even boyfriend/girlfriend".

I don't think it would be in your best interests to invest a lot of hope in this arrangement.

[Love'sReject]

I think vash and B&T have covered it so that nothing much can really be added, but in having seen your question

Then why talk about having a child and moving in together?

: this is a common ploy, if the guy is every bit the player he's supposed by vash, B&T and myself. The guy fills your head with pipe dreams, saying what you want to hear and false reassurance that he's not playing you so you can keep being played.

[laurynn]

I think vash and B&T have covered it so that nothing much can really be added, but in having seen your question : this is a common ploy, if the guy is every bit the player he's supposed by vash, B&T and myself. The guy fills your head with pipe dreams, saying what you want to hear and false reassurance that he's not playing you so you can keep being played.

Even if you've told him that you don't want to move in with him.. or have his children? Especially at the moment. Every time he brings moving in together or us having kids I tell him no and I change the subject. He brings it up at random. This morning we went and got breakfast and he brought up kids when a little girl asked to borrow the ketchup. He asked if I would be nervous if we had a kid at our ages and in our situation.

[laurynn]

But I do understand the whole telling someone things they want to hear in order to keep them where you want them... Those just are the wrong things.. for me at least, and right now.

[Love'sReject]

This guy is kinda weird.

[basilandthyme]

What reason does he give you for not wanting you as a girlfriend?

[basilandthyme]

Even if you've told him that you don't want to move in with him.. or have his children? Especially at the moment. Every time he brings moving in together or us having kids I tell him no and I change the subject. He brings it up at random. This morning we went and got breakfast and he brought up kids when a little girl asked to borrow the ketchup. He asked if I would be nervous if we had a kid at our ages and in our situation.

He may talk about this stuff with every girl he's dated. It's very likely his long term dream - but not necessarily with you.

[smackie9]

You are a fool to let this guy have all the control. You have every right to put your foot down and give him an ultimatum. It's 6 months now it's either he is in, or he is out.

Me personally if I never got my relationship exceptions fulfilled within a month...they are gone...why should they be wasting MY time. This guy is definitely wasting yours.

[laurynn]

You are a fool to let this guy have all the control. You have every right to put your foot down and give him an ultimatum. It's 6 months now it's either he is in, or he is out.

Me personally if I never got my relationship exceptions fulfilled within a month...they are gone...why should they be wasting MY time. This guy is definitely wasting yours.

First off, don't call me or anyone else a fool in these situations. We're here on a forum looking for advice not name calling. I talked to him about everything and we are officially together.

[Boisdevie]

First off, don't call me or anyone else a fool in these situations. We're here on a forum looking for advice not name calling.

Don't be offended. We insult each other all the time here. If you don't want to be judged harshly then why post on there to people you've never met.

[Maple1714]

First off, don't call me or anyone else a fool in these situations. We're here on a forum looking for advice not name calling. I talked to him about everything and we are officially together.

Don't get upset, but I think you made the last part up about "officially" being together now. If you are confused and wondering what this guy is really up to....just ask him. Lay it all out on the table. What so you want? A relationship? If he doesn't want to give it to you then no more sex or any couple activities until he gives you what you want OR just find someone else.

[afekson]

The question is what are your own thoughts. Why are you around him? It's clear that he doesn't want a relationship. He only wants someone to hang out with. And currently you are the perfect match with the right qualities. So you need to ask yourself do you have feelings for him or do you just enjoy the hanging out too?