HELP! My man hates it when I go out??

[michelleblue]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years.
He absolutely hates when I go out and it's always a huge fight if I decide to anyways. Im exhausted with just going out and EVERY SINGLE TIME it ending in a huge fight. I've tried to bring him with me and he complained that it was nothing but losers, a few of the other times I could tell he was super awkward.

He doesn't like drinking for his own personal reasons and other than this problem he treats me so well.
He's an amazing person and does everything for me, it's just this control issue that will never end!! He doesn't understand my want and need to go out and have a good time and dance the night away. I have never cheated. I have never given him a reason not to trust me, besides once a few years back I went to a music festival and made the mistake of doing drugs. (this was years ago).. He wasn't too happy about that. But that was then, this is now.

Someone please help! I have no idea how to approach this situation anymore without it resulting in a fight. I've tried crying, pleading, asking, simply doing, storming out, asking him to come to counseling...

For example, even tonight a bunch of my friends are going to the clubs.. They invited me but I know my boyfriend would say no. I told him I wanted to go but that if he wants to hang out tonight, I`m up for it....
He ends up FALLING ASLEEP on the couch at 8pm (on a saturday) and im stuck watching him sleep for gods sake. I woke him up and told him I wanted to go out and he got all pissed and said that he doesnt get why I need to go out to bars, etc.
It resulted in my crying (privately), and feeling more pissed and oppressed than ever.

I feel that if I understood how to approach him when I do want to go out, and how to handle it that I could get him to make a change... Will he ever change? Or is it me that needs to change?????
heeelp!

[stan92964]

It sounds to me that he is an introvert & you are an extrovert. Introversion/extroversion is not about how outgoing you are as many think. The best way to think about it is; how do you process stress. He most likely needs some alone time to do that and gets a bit grumpy if you interrupt him at those times. You most likely need to talk to someone you trust when you get stressed and it usually isn’t about solving the problem … it’s about being understood and validated. When that happens you feel better and can get on with life. Extroverts need to connect with others. Introversion/extroversion is one of the few things we never change in our lives. It’s who we are. Neither is good nor bad, but just a way of being.

Michael Web, a well-known Relationship says, “83% of divorces would never happen if couples learned how to understand each other. Opposites often attract each other because each of them has what the other lacks and they can be a great complementary happy couple when they understand each other and view their differences as complementary. If they view each other as wrong and expect the other to change, they end up living with contention which usually leads to a break-up.

I was wondering what each of you likes and valued about each other the most?

[dem862]

This is a duplicate of a thread in the Love Advice forum.