Advice on an unexpected break up.

[Peach15LFC]

Hi guys,

I hope you can take the time to read through this & give me your points of view..

On Wednesday my girlfriend of almost 4 years called & broke up with me. It came out of nowhere & I am at a lost of what to do so any advice from you guys would be great!

We have had a long distance relationship pretty much all the way through our relationship through going to different Universities, but we did see each other every weekend & spent all of our holidays together. She says that she doesn't feel that she can do this anymore & she has been feeling like this before Xmas that something is missing. She also says that she feels we that we are taking different paths with our lives. There was no ill will in our relationship, no cheating & I struggle to think of a time that we've argued. Furthermore on the call she said I was the perfect guy & that I have done absolutely nothing wrong. She was crying throughout, as was I so the feelings are still there. I'm thinking that it may be because of the stress of her life as she is a very busy person & it's just finally taken it's toll.

I've accepted that it is over, I sent her some flowers & a letter thanking her for everything that she has done for me. The thing that is perplexing is just days before we were planning what we would be doing for our anniversary in February & our summer holiday that we were booking.We were even speaking earlier in the day with no signs of distress from her...

I text her since the break up as she has some of my things, asking if I could come to pick them up & maybe talk. She replied, thanking me for the "beautiful letter" & that her family sends their love but "it's not going to make any difference, I am so sorry, I don't want to keep hurting you. It's not fair on you.". Then shortly after I received another text saying "We both need space now, can we just not have contact for a while. I think that's best". So I text back saying that she's not hurting me & I am fine & that I think we'll both be better for having no contact.

Since the break up I've been reading plenty of blogs & just trying to gather the best way to handle the situation as I want to eventually try & start fresh with her. I've started to realize what wasn't so great about the relationship on my side so I will be addressing these issues within my own life not for her but for myself to make myself a better person & that also I must get over her during this time.

I'd like your input on the situation & to see what you guys think? Of course I will be applying the no contact rule as she requested, I have deleted my Facebook & Twitter accounts for now & will carry on with life. What I'd also like advice on is our 4 year anniversary would be on the 11th of February & of course Valentine's, which we were planning a trip for. Do I break no contact at this point or continue through?

Phew, that feels better!

Thanks,
James

[smackie9]

Sorry dude but there is more to her ending it than you think...I'm sure eventually you will hear about the new guy she has been seeing....

So sorry for your loss.

[smackie9]

Note: January is breakup month. This is the month you will see the most people filing for divorces. Everyone waits till after the holidays, because no one wants to break the bad news around Christmas. I have a feeling she's been planning this for awhile. Things just don't happen "out of the blue" or "out of nowhere".

[Peach15LFC]

Hi Smackie, I'm certain that she's not seeing anybody else, she's the type that would say (I hope). Considering that not being a factor here & her asking for space. How would you approach the situation in regards to the no contact & such?

She did say she's felt like something was missing & has felt this way since before Xmas & despite this she was still trying to arrange our anniversary & valentine's trip just before the break up.

[smackie9]

Dude she knows that would just crush you...she wouldn't say. I'm not saying she is having a full blown relationship with someone...I'm saying she could be receiving attention from someone and has an interest in them....hence the feeling of "missing something" that something is experiencing going out with other people. Making the arrangements was her way of trying to push the feelings down. Obviously she couldn't avoid them.

You are best to wait then and let her contact you if she does. In the meantime go out on a few dates. Don't feel guilty about it, you are broken up and you are free to do whatever you want.

[HeartIsAching]

Hi Smackie, I'm certain that she's not seeing anybody else, she's the type that would say (I hope).

You're fooling yourself.

[Beenthere]

Hi Peach15LFC, I think you have to plan to move on for now at least. You sound like you know she didnt cheat.. I would think thats true too... but it does seem like she has met someone she is interested in and wants to pursue it without cheating or hurting you. Im not saying this to hurt you more, but if you can, try stay well clear and move on. If you feel the same about her down the road, contact her then if she's single. But I think for now you should give her the space to find out if its you or someone else she wants. Once you've managed to get over this, try get out and meet more people yourself, but again dont contact her on your anniversary or for valentines day let her go.