I need advice

[Love2love]

How do you get threw to someone who has been hurt so bad. My boyfriend was in a 15 yr relationship. during that time he was cheating on an lied to. ME and him been threw cheating and lying so we both know how it feels. We have great communication and we trust each other but the problem is sometimes he lose site of our relationship and start thinking of his past. I try to tell him and show him that ours is different but he so scared of getting hurt that it is starting to hurt our relationship. and its sad bc me and him have such a great relationship. I have tried just about everything if there is anyone who read this and have some advice i would be willing to listen.

[connor_da_boss]

How do you get threw to someone who has been hurt so bad. My boyfriend was in a 15 yr relationship. during that time he was cheating on an lied to. ME and him been threw cheating and lying so we both know how it feels. We have great communication and we trust each other but the problem is sometimes he lose site of our relationship and start thinking of his past. I try to tell him and show him that ours is different but he so scared of getting hurt that it is starting to hurt our relationship. and its sad bc me and him have such a great relationship. I have tried just about everything if there is anyone who read this and have some advice i would be willing to listen.

Tell him to forget about it and tell him that it was the past and he needs to move on because he's with you now.

[Love2love]

Its not always that easy. I have been there done that. but thanks

[PJ1961]

Sorry Love this isn't going to help you much. I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 22 months, he lost his first wife to cancer and his 2nd wife cheated on him and divorced him after 15 years for the other man. I have tried everything to convince him that I was different and our relationship was different but he refuses to forgive and leave the past and move forward with his life. Self pity is a terrible emotion. After much praying and pain I decided to end our relationship. You can't compete with his past demons. If he is not willing to forgive those who hurt him and move on with his future you are in a losing battle and trust me the longer it goes on the harder it gets. Give him some space to find out what he wants. I would also suggest counseling for him to get past the hurt otherwise he will never find the happiness you both deserve.

[michelle23]

Its hard to get over it. It still haunts me sometimes. I trust my man but i worry about the future a lot. My biggest fear is it happening again and sometimes the anxiety takes over. I worry sbout it happening in ten years time which is irrational and crazy but the thought of the next step (marriage or a baby) scares the living shit outa me when i think about it.

The only way i can reassure myself is to tell myself i love him he loves me i trust him.. But then i say but will he still be the same man i fell in love with in ten years time? People change..

Anyway im starting to learn that i cant control the future, i need to stop worrying and if it happens-ill just walk away.. Its weird coz for 4years i never worried about it but now i do all of a sudden..

Anyway you just need to try and reassure him again and maybe suggest counselling

[gotnando]

This will take time - no way to say how long, but when you hurt someone like that, stab them in the back when they're most vulnerable - that's harsh. Your man is going to get over it slowly, but realize that he may always have that "bug" in the back of his mind. Don't push him to trust you 'cause that's counter-productive. Just give him space and time will heal his wounds. Like Michelle said, counselling could help.