need some guy advice

[ali123]

I posted something similar to this but I wanted just guys opinions

just a quick rundown.. this is my first boyfriend, before then I just dated. We started dating when I was 21 still in college, he was 25 just graduated with masters. This would be his 3rd serious relationship (each relationship lasted longer than 3 years and they were back to back) ..he has cheated in his past as well, not on me as far as i know.

as far as our personalities...we both are educated and hardworking, but we love having fun..we used to go out, drink, dance, travel a lot. spontaneous and adventerous couple.

so an overview of our problems, he purused me RIGHT after his 2nd serious relationship. Once we got talking he said nobody can know. he kept me a secret bc he knew everyone would say its to fast. He told me that since he met me a few years ago he knew there was something special etc, he was thinking of me all day etc (Stuff if i heard someone else say i would roll my eyes) So i went along with it. 2 months into it i started loosing friends because of lying and being shady so I was sick of it. I told him i'm going to start telling people. So we told people we started talking. Eventually 6 mo. in, I said either i'm ur GF or nothing..we argued, eventaully he sad ok ( i know very romantic)

He was OBSESSED With partying. To the point where we don't talk for 2 days or so because he was obsessed, he said he needed "guy time". So even though we were not technically "together" he was very controlling of me.. but he went out and partied all the time. He wouldn't let me hang with his friends He lied to his coworkers about having a girlfriend on several occasions. This did hurt me. I started Medical school, very draining..i didn't have time for anything ..I was 22 and still wanted to go out have fun..but no timee..i spend weekend nights in the library. He on the other hand was just partying, would never visit because he needed to party. He'd stay out till 5am... i'd find out the next day where he was. I was chill but now i was getting mad. This got out of hand so I was like we lead different lives..my life is school now..and his was partying like he was 21..when he was 26. I warned him again and again tell him how unhappy and stressed I was, that I want a supportive boyfriend not one that acts like he just started college. But he never cared, he ignored me and continued. Infact the first time he told me I love you was a drunk text message.

So i broke up with him... he promised me to change, stop partying as much, started crying etc. telling me to give him one more chance. So he was going to vegas the next week... he knew i didn't like strip clubs .so I said hey its okay i'll llearn to live with it but PLEASE do not lie to me, and he goes if it bothers u that much I just won't go. and I told him its okay just do not LIE about it. So he LIES. Lies for an entire month, i Find out eventually though... I break up with him. we got back together 2 months later after he promised changes.

Now HE has COMPLETELY CHANGED. but I can't forgive him.. now I'm 24 and he is 28. I can't forgive him for the friends i lied and lost, for how when we were together he lied about me as if he was embarrassed, and for lying about strip clubs when I told him he can go. I used to be confident and happy..i was always outgoing, and I wasn't bad looking i modeled up until college .. now I just lost my self confidence.

I ended things last week ....I do like his personality...we get along great, but I don't think i can ever trust him..i do miss him. though..

Did i make the right decision?

[smackie9]

F uckin rights you made the right decision. The biggest mistake you made was not paying attention to all the red flags that were dropping all over the place. "he has cheated in his past" This right there would be the reason to turn and walk away from having anything to do with him the minute you found out. I hope you learned your lesson.

[pcmaster]

Sounds like he found a 21 year old kid who did a lot for him but he didnt do much for you. And now all I see is girl in pain whos thinking about past when things was bettter. Good luck in future and dont worry you gona be beautifull again when you will find a boyfriend.

[ashley89]

of course you did! nothing was good about that relationship

[diamondgirl]

There is no way that someone completely changes so quickly. It takes a lot of hard work, therapy and maybe AA for that to happen. He is simply hiding an addictive personality most likely. I'm much older than you and I have too many friends who thought their younger boyfriends had changed. They got married and had children. Now they are dealing with an overgrown child while trying to raise their kids.

Yes, you are in pain but you are young and will meet a wonderful man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Remember that addictive personalities tend to get worse unless they get help. They can't do it on their own. Focus on your career and finishing school The world is your oyster.

You will miss him for awhile, but do not contact him and busy yourself with other things. Time will heal but trust is key in a relationship and that is now gone. He doesn't deserve another chance.