My wife hates my sister

[tgalu]

Could anyone give me any advice as this is one of most difficult situation in relationship I have been to in my life. Also if you could mention in your responds what is your experience in relationships.

I am living in Europe, English is not my native language so sorry for grammar

I am 30 years old guy, having a fine office job, my girl Sonja (26 years old), attractive, self confident young woman. We are together 3 and half years now. There has been some tough times in our relationship but we love each other and were able to get over all of the minor problems. After 2 years of our relationship we got married because Sonja needed extend her visa and might not get it so it was the easiest way how to sort it out. We signed the marriage contract, didn’t invite no one to wedding and promised to each other that in future if we are ready to get married we will do it with all celebration, guests etc.

Here I am getting to the point. I have a sister who is living in the USA with her husband. About one year ago my sister was visiting me and Sonja for a few days. Just before she came we had huge quarrel with Sonja over something and we didn’t settle this before my sister came. Unfortunately, just the night when my sister came to our place we quarrelled again in front of her. There was a lot of drama, breaking up, crying and when I remind this even after one year I feel angry and ashamed at the same time. The night ended up Sonja asking my sister what is her opinion and unluckily she said that she thinks that we should break up.
Later on I found out that they didn’t like each other from the first moment. Next day my sister left, I talked to her before leaving, explaining her the situation and apologising for previous night and that she had to be included in our problems. We stayed together with Sonja, sorted out the problem which caused all quarrel and tried to forget about it. However relationship between my sister and Sonja was screwed. My sister didn’t mention her name since then, Sonja is angry when anything reminds her of my sister.

Few months ago my sister gave birth to a lovely girl, my niece. I saw her only over skype but this summer I am planning a trip to USA to visit my sister, her husband and little girl.
When I told Sonja about the trip (my intention was that we both will go) we quarrelled again and she said she is not going anywhere and she doesn’t like that I go and told me that it will ruin our relationship. I talked to her, explaining that I love both her and my sister and I want to see my niece. I sat down to think of some solutions and I came out with this:

a) Not to go to USA – this one doesn’t solve nothing because I definitely want to stay in touch with my sister and her daughter, I can’t avoid meeting my sister till end of my life
b) Go to USA – Sonja will be upset, possible breakup with her
c) Talk to my sister, explain her the situation, try to reconcile Sonja with my sister – Sonja doesn’t want to hear about it, she won’t fly to USA so only possibility would be to set up a skype meeting (they are both stubborn, I don’t think there is a chance this will work)
d) Break up – I love Sonja, I don’t want to break up

What do you think?

Thank you very much for your opinions

John

[surfhb2]

Both of them need to grow up and accept the situation. This is your wife and your sister for God sakes!

Women can be funny sometimes. Lol

What's the argument about ? Maybe this has nothing to do with her or your sister?

[HeartIsAching]

I think you need to tell Sonja that you will not be giving up the rest of your family for her. She is part of your family now, but not all of it. She can either go with you and be polite, or stay home and you'll see her when you get back. Threats to end your relationship over this is a huge red flag... she's using emotional abuse to force the outcome she wants.

It can work just fine if she wants it to - I loathe my brother-in-law (wife's sister's husband) and don't really care for my sister-in-law either, but we make nice when we visit, more or less.

[vashti]

Your wife sounds very bratty. It is exceedingly ridiculous that she would expect you to not have contact with your own sister (and her new baby!) because SHE doesn't like her.

Tell her you are going, with or without her, and that you expect her to act like the adult she is. She doesn't have to like your sister, but she should not be allowed to be divisive to the family.

[ashley89]

why doesn't she like your sister? just because of the fight you and her had? you guys are brother and sister, you are going to fight... that's just asinine lol