In love with two guys

[alix]

I'm in a major love dilemma and I don't know what to do. I'd been dating someone for five years, and the good was great but the bad was really bad. We had amazing chemistry, lots of fun together, just got each other like no one else. But he had a lot of growing up to do, both in his life and in how he acted in a relationship. At almost 30 he hadn't moved out of his parents house, hadn't finished school, had an extreme anger problem and lashed out at me often and over next to nothing. I got fed up with being treated badly and putting my life on hold while I waited for him to get his act in gear.

We broke up and during that time, I met someone else. Someone who had a house, job, car, responsibilities, who was very forward about wanting a future with me. He's an incredible, genuine guy and I love being with him.

But after so long, I still had a strong attachment to guy #1. He swore up and down he would change (which I've heard all too often before), and started pulling out all the stops trying to get me back. This time though he really seemed motivated to make things different as I don't think he ever realized before that I would actually leave. I miss the good times we had and think back on our good memories all the time. When I talk to him, I see glimpses of the fun we shared and those interactions that just aren't the same with anyone else. He really is going out of his way to be incredibly sweet to me and do things for me that I know most girls would only wish for.

I'm in such a tough spot and it's getting worse as time goes on. I feel like my biological clock is ticking and I want to settle down sooner than later, and I'm terrified to make the wrong choice. What if I choose guy #1 and things don't move forward like he promises they will and the bad goes back to being bad? What if I miss out on an amazing guy who wants a future with me and who I could truly see myself with? Or what if I end up with guy #2 and we never click the way I did with #1, and I feel like I lost out on my best friend? Don't get me wrong, guy #2 and I definitely click and I miss him when I'm not with him, but there are certain comforts that come with being with someone for so long plus we've always been able to just be goofy with each other.

I don't know if it's possible, but I'm beginning to feel like I love them both. When I'm with one, I start picturing my future with him and feeling happy to be with him. I don't know who to pick...but the longer this goes on the more confused I feel. I need to make a decision asap, I just don't know which one is right for me.

[basilandthyme]

Let me get this straight - you're considering giving up an incredible, genuine guy who you love being with for someone who has anger issues and a history of failed promises.

[alix]

Let me get this straight - you're considering giving up an incredible, genuine guy who you love being with for someone who has anger issues and a history of failed promises.

Yep. Crazy, right? I realize if a friend were telling me the same thing, I would tell them to run in the opposite direction of guy #1. But as bad as some of the bad has been, he can be very sweet and thoughtful, and it's more so the way we interact that I really miss. But I truly do enjoy being with guy #2 as well, I'm completely relaxed around him and not worried about him flying off the handle over little things. It's more of an adult relationship instead of the teenage drama (which should not be happening considering I am well out of my teenage years)! I just don't know how to let go or how to finally realize I'm making the right choice.

[Love'sReject]

Let me ask you this: Do you like gambling? Because you're asking for a hit when your hand is 20

[basilandthyme]

Try hitting yourself on the head with a sledgehammer

[basilandthyme]

I have to add; no bad relationship is 100% bad. They all have some good times. But if the bad was really bad, then it's not worth going back to.

[dickriculous]

This time though he really seemed motivated to make things different

Yep, he's got you right where he wants you.

I'll be looking for your name in the obituary. Nice knowin ya while it lasted.