I'm an idiot... lol

[ashley89]

Ok so since I broke up with my ex and stopped whining about him on here 2 years ago I have come back recently to try to help people and give advice based on experiences I've had, whether they've been good, bad, stupid, etc. Well I am usually good at reading situations and helping others, but sometimes I can't listen to my own advice. Something so stupid happened to me and I just had to come here to vent about it, so feel free to tell me what an idiot I am or give your opinions since I've certainly done my fair share of that. I made a post relating to this a couple weeks ago but things in the story have developed since then.

To sum things up, after my ex dumped me I quickly had a rebound fling with a bartender I met. I thought it would be a one time thing but ended up lasting a few months. When we 1st hooked up he told me he was single, I had no reason to believe he wasn't, found out he was in fact in a long distance relationship with some girl but it was on its way out. I didn't hang out with him again until they had broken up. We hooked up again for a few months and it was a FWB type situation which I was ok with until I started stupidly developing feelings for this egotistical ass. A few months down the line he started dating someone new, he randomly disappeared and I only found out why when one of my friends saw something on Facebook about it. So stupid. I was upset and got over it, I wasn't going to deal with that nonsense. A couple months later he started texting me again, but by this time I had deleted his number and didn't want to get involved. I tried ignoring him and telling him I wasn't going to help him cheat on his girlfriend, but he kept persisting to the point where I actually had his number blocked. We didn't see each other for about a year, and I had pretty much forgotten about him completely.

This past summer I dated a couple guys, but none of them turned into anything serious. I heard through the grapevine that he was single again and decided to unblock his number (what a bad idea). He immediately answered and said he had been trying to get in touch with me forever, was wondering why I never returned his calls or texts and wanted to hang out. He also said he was single again, and for some idiotic reason I decided to hang out with him again. The only really good thing about this guy was the sex... we had amazing, awesome sex and I think through that I developed feelings for him, because his personality sucks. Anyways we hung out and I was just gonna hook up and leave but he started all this babble about how he always liked me, he made bad choices in the past but was upset when I stopped talking to him, he had been a jerk, he wanted to give "us" a try. I was shocked and kind of weirded out by this, so much time had gone by and my feelings for him were completely gone. I said there was no way I could ever trust him seeing as he cheated on past girlfriends with me and I wasn't in any position to be in a relationship just then. So since then, we had been hooking up from August til the beginning of January.

In the past when we hooked up I would basically go over there, have sex and leave. But in recent months we would actually hang out, watch movies, get food together, go places, etc. I suppose through this, the sex, and the fact that I had feelings for him in the past I kind of developed them back again. We wouldn't really talk on a daily basis, basically only when we wanted to hang out, but this went on a few times a week. I hung out with him on New Year's and that was the last time I saw him. He texted me a couple weeks ago asking for a ride home from the hospital but I was working and couldn't help him out, and that was the last we spoke. Then he went MIA. I figured he had been talking to someone else and was seeing someone else, because this is exactly how it happened in the past, and today a friend of mine confirmed that. I don't know why, but I felt a slap in the face when she told me. I'm not trying to be conceited or anything, but this girl is not pretty at all... maybe she is a nice person, but seeing the type of person he is I'm surprised he would go for someone like her. But that's beside the point.

I know I'm an idiot for getting involved with him in the first place and even more stupid for going BACK to him despite everything that happened. I don't know wtf it is about this guy that kept me coming back. He was narcissistic, egotistical, cocky, an all around jerk, and had a major alcohol problem. He is not someone I would ever want to date seriously or spend the rest of my life with. But there were little things I liked about him and I guess through spending so much time with him I developed feelings. If someone wrote a post like this I would tell them they should have seen it coming, that I was just a f*ck buddy and should have seen this coming a mile away, but I guess when it comes to myself I lose my senses. I am usually so picky with guys and know what I want out of them, but for some reason I let this asshole walk all over me and play stupid mind games. I haven't talked to him weeks and deleted his number but I still feel like a moron for going back to him and letting this happen to me again! I guess I just needed to vent and felt this was the place to do it... I'm willing to take any shit talking that you guys may have regarding this hahaha ;]

[Wakeup]

Forgive yourself and forget about him. He was a good ****. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't talk to him again when he's single and tries to hoover you back for more of the same. Just go have a cold shower or go to the gym or have a glass of wine and reflect on how you'd never be able to trust the likes of him even if you were in a relationship of substance so why lament and DO NOT ANSWER HIM.

Just learn from this, Ash and know that like most women, your veejay is hooked up directly to your heart so don't be a **** buddy anymore.

[ashley89]

I know, I'm just so disappointed at myself for making the same mistake. I should have seen this coming, and I know how big of an ass he is so why am I upset about it? all he ever did was lie and manipulate me to get what he wanted, and it worked!

[Wakeup]

That's why I told you to forgive yourself. You're not the first person in the world who caved to a sweet talker who knew how to hit the sweet spot . (you've been around here long enough to know that) You know better now (and that's what separates you from a lot of the others who've been through this) then to let him dazzle you with his science so forgive yourself and let it go.

[dickriculous]

I don't know wtf it is about this guy that kept me coming back.

I'll give you a hint, it sounds like "tick" but you suck on it rather than it sucking on you

Real talk here - people who **** like animals tend to get away with a lot. For some odd reason we are terrified of admitting that this phenomenon affects us but it does. Such is the stark reality of the human libido.

And don't think for a second that the aforementioned beasts of the bedroom aren't aware of this phenomenon, they are and they find out very quickly that they can play off it to get what they want out of people and draw them into a web. Inevitably, some of them will take advantage of this.

[kskts6115]

Just learn from this, Ash and know that like most women, your veejay is hooked up directly to your heart so don't be a **** buddy anymore.

Jesus isn't that the truth!

[ashley89]

I'll give you a hint, it sounds like "tick" but you suck on it rather than it sucking on you

HAHA, I absolutely love this! so true though. I think guys like that who are goodlooking and know it just have this confident (or cocky) attitude, they know they can manipulate girls into getting what they want and they don't care about the aftermath because they know they can always go and find another one. the thing I don't get about this guy is how he can just have no empathy, it's like he literally doesn't care about anybody's feelings but his own. I feel kinda bad for this new girl because it's only a matter of time before he gets bored with her and back to his cheating ways.

I just can't figure out why over the summer he acted all weird that one night saying he "loved" me and wanted to give it a shot and all that. it's like, clearly this would never work... I have unknowingly been "the other girl" so how the F would I ever trust the guy? and why say all that shit when you just want me to be your sex buddy? just to mess with my head and be a dick?

[Wakeup]

it's like he literally doesn't care about anybody's feelings but his own.

it's not "lke" that.. It is exactly that.

Never put so much faith in words. Actions are where the truth always lays. His actions (part time attention) told you where the truth was. He just said the words to secure an in with you. I think the words these types of guys use just become a type of lifestyle for these guys... a means to an end for them.

[ashley89]

yeah you're right. it's so sad, I couldn't imagine living that way. if a guy likes me and asks me out or wants to pursue me and I'm not interested, I have to have that "talk" where I flat out just tell them I don't see them that way. even though I'm helping them and doing the right thing, I STILL feel bad. I couldn't imagine constantly lying to people or cheating on them and just going about my day like nothing happened. that's why I can't understand cheating either... I'm the type of person who would immediately blurt it out if I ever did something like that. I guess it's just hard for me to comprehend cause I'm not that type of person. grrrr stupid guys!

[HeartIsAching]

You're not the first person in the world who caved to a sweet talker who knew how to hit the sweet spot .

That's what kept me in business for so long...

[ashley89]

well my phone was off last night but when I woke up today I had a text from him at 1:19 in the morning saying "hi". the only reason I knew it was him is because I recognized his number (I deleted him out of my contacts awhile ago). I knew it was only a matter of time til the scumbag came back around to cheat on his new girlfriend.

[Wakeup]

Well, good for you for taking back your personal power and ignoring him. You did ignore him, right?

[ashley89]

ohhh yes of course! he reeled me back in 2 times I'm not going for round 3 ;] have to admit it was tough though cause my initial reaction was to answer, then I remembered what a dick he is so my brain kicked in haha

[Wakeup]

Way to go, sista.

[michelle23]

You were going through a tough time, you were vulnerable and he was there. It was nothing more and nothing less. Plus you saw straight through him like a pane of glass and you used him as much as he used you so give yourself some credit for recognizing a bad one.. You also need to give yourself some credit for recognizing he is no good for you. You obviously have high self esteem and you know you can do 100 times better lol. Its his loss

Just stay away from all men for awhile. Focus on yourself and block him again. Avoid him in the future completely and if he tries to worm his way back tell him go use someone else.. He will never change as you probably already know and he cannot ever be trusted.

Go out with your friends, start a new hobby, go shopping. Focus on having fun and stay away from men. You will meet someone special when you least expect it xx