trouble with his mother

[se9915]

I am a 31 year old Christian woman dating a Christian man who is
27. His mother, a strong Christian with whom he is very close,
does not approve of our relationship because of our age
difference, and she refuses to even meet me. His mother has made
it very clear that she will never accept me, and never ever meet me.
Her pastor agrees with her, and they state that there is no Biblical
examples of younger men with older women. We are very much in
love, and have a really great time together. We are living in purity
(not fornicating) and striving to walk as upright Christians. We
both value family very much, and he has pleaded with his mother
to no avail. He and I have been dating for 2 years, and I am at a
crossroads. He insists that he will continue to date me no matter
what she thinks, but we are both hesitant to take our relationship
to the next level (get engaged) when we have such strong
resentment from a woman we both seek approval from. What
should we do?

[HeartIsAching]

Ignore them and live your lives?

[Boisdevie]

Why not ask your god. I thought he was all knowing. Or perhaps god is testing you by giving you a relationship with a guy who has an asshole for a mother?

[searock]

You've been dating for 2 years and haven't had sex yet... what's the point? Is either of you secretly gay?

[basilandthyme]

unless he's going to stand up to his mother, you may as well end it. Do you really want to live in this limbo for the rest of your life?

[Rowen]

I disagree with the last post because it seems to me the guy is firm about dating you.

However, I'd say get engaged. Remember- just because you're engaged doesn't mean you have to get married right away. Just do it, and see what happens. Chances are she'll flip out at first, but in the end she'll have no reason not to meet you if she wants her son in her life. However, if she doesn't start changing her ways after about 3-6 months, you two can't keep living your lives around her. Why should you, after all? Is she your God? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say she isn't. Thus, she has no reason to be a part of this. It's either she's in her son's life and accepts how he wants to live it, or she can go away. I know that's hard to take, as I'm big on family too, but if family means anything to her this should put just enough fear in her to go along with it.

And on a completely different note, it sounds to me like you two, because of her, are scared about your own relationship. Two years is enough time to make that step, and if you worship a God that's supposed to be "all loving", how can He ever hate you two for being born a few years apart? My parents are 10 years apart...doesn't change anything.

In the end, it's between the two of you. You two need to not fear what God thinks based on the reactions of his mother and her pastor (Which I'm sorry is way out of line for her to take this to). If God is all loving, how can He hate you two for loving each other? Have either of you murdered someone? Have you cheated on each other or lied to everyone you meet? Again, I'm going out on that limb and saying no... So, why wouldn't He love you? Love is love is love.

Hope this helps.
Will

[angel31]

I want to say that I respect what you are doing as far as living in purity to stand up for what you believe in. I too, am a christian, although I have not at times lived like it, and I know from experience how hard abstinence is when you love someone. I have to say that even though it's hard without his mothers approval, you cannot live your lives around her. I am in a similar situation (my family doesn't accept my boyfriend, one day husband, they won't talk to him, he's not invited to holidays, nothing) and this has caused a HUGE issue between my family and I. It's not that I"m chosing him over my family, it's that I refuse to chose and it's wrong for them to ask me to, as it is wrong for his mother to ask him to. If he loves you and it sounds like he does, and you love him, which is also sounds like you do, then move forward with your relationship is a way that is acceptable to God and pray for his mother. That is all you can do. She is not your holy spirit, nor is she your boyfriends. From what you say here, God would honor your relationship, and the two of you getting engaged/married would not be against His will. He is the only one you have to worry about judging you. How often does the bible talk about age? Not very often to my knowledge and I know the Bible pretty well. Age was not a big deal in that culture and neither should 3 years be in ours. Live your life in a way that is pleasing to God and pray for his mother. She is not hurting anyone more than she is hurting herself harboring those feelings of resentment and anger and judgement inside her.

[VincenzoG91]

Her pastor agrees with her, and they state that there is no Biblical examples of younger men with older women.

There are no Biblical examples of motor vehicles or even bicycles. I suppose his mother and her pastor must do a lot of walking.

[HeartIsAching]

But there are biblical examples of rape, incest and slavery, so those are ok, right?

[ashley89]

you are 31 years old for Pete's sake. who gives a flying f*ck about what his mother thinks? and you're 4 years apart... I know people married who are 10+ years apart. you're both adults, it's silly to even worry about this stuff

[HeartIsAching]

you are 31 years old for Pete's sake. who gives a flying f*ck about what his mother thinks? and you're 4 years apart... I know people married who are 10+ years apart. you're both adults, it's silly to even worry about this stuff

Yep. My wife is 5 years my senior. In your 30's or 40's it really doesn't mean much.

[ashley89]

Yep. My wife is 5 years my senior. In your 30's or 40's it really doesn't mean much.

exactly! I could understand in younger years when there's major maturity differences but at that age come on... it just seems so juvenile to be stressing out about something like that