Why do men love bitches?

[Jazzebel]

So basically I'm a bitch. Not in the sense of being not nice to people. I'm just not a typical girl.

I don't like guys calling me day and night, forbidding me things and I get scared once I notice that a guy is starting to get feelings for me.

Usually I meet a guy, we have a nice time, maybe even go out. After a while we have sex and then the guy always tells me not to fall in love with him because the only thing he can do is hurt me. I tell him not to worry, falling in love fast is not in my nature anyway.

This 'casual dating and sexing' doesn't last for long. I notice the guy getting jealous and eventually, uninterested. At least, I think they get uninterested.

Sadly, once I notice a guy getting uninterested I end it, by hooking up with someone else. Usually the guy knows this because it's always someone he knows and sometimes even a friend. I know this is really bad and disrespectful but I just can't help myself

Weirdly, this is where they start proving themselves to me and try to win me back. Usually they are in love.

How come that this kind of behavior makes men fall in love? And why is it they fall in love when they told me themselves for me not to?

Thanks guys.

[Wakeup]

It's got nothing to do with "love" but rather a whole lot to do with winning the game. (or so it seems) How sad that y'all do "the dance" so competively

[searock]

I agree, that's not "love", it's more like dependence and insecurity on their part. And yours: you need to sleep with someone else in order to feel worthy. Your apparent incapability of falling in love also means that you are protecting yourself - maybe you got hurt in the past (even as a child)?

[Rowen]

Yeah, that's not love at all...
I think it's more of an ego. Most guys who are very masculine tend to get territorial of women, in my observations. So, I would say it's just childish jealousy.

But here's an idea... More important than this, ask yourself what makes you so scared of feeling things for guys? When you answer that, you can attack it at the core and (hopefully) correct it next time. That's just my thought, though. I mean, you never know any of these guys might be the guy that's right for you.

[ashley89]

I wouldn't say that they love bitches, or that this is even love. But usually when people are attracted to someone, they like a challenge. I'm the same way as you in the fact that I don't like guys who are overly affectionate, clingy, needy, etc. I like guys who show me some attention but still leave me wanting more. These guys seem to like you but probably lose interest once they realize they can have sex with you and not have any commitment. Like that old saying goes, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? But then when you hook with someone else, you become "unavailable" again and it probably makes them gain their interest back. Just a thought. I'm not going to say I haven't just hooked up with guys before, but I find it to be only instantly satisfying. After you realize the guy wants no commitment and that you're just using each other for sex, it makes you feel disposable and I don't like that feeling. You should try to invest time in a guy who you could actually see yourself being with for more than just sex!

[Love'sReject]

You sure like going out with the male equivalent of "bitches", douchebags. Maybe you're just really physically attractive? Because I am sure most self-respecting men would not like your personality.

[Jazzebel]

Maybe you're just really physically attractive? Because I am sure most self-respecting men would not like your personality.

Thanks for not being shy to give your opinion and for taking the time to read and reply. I won't deny this didn't hurt but you're probably right.

[Jazzebel]

More important than this, ask yourself what makes you so scared of feeling things for guys?

I've been in an relationship of two years where my ex boyfriend never failed to remind me everyday that I'm not good enough. It's kind of hurtful to hear someone who you care about you say that. After two years he ''disappeared'' and I recently found out that he left me to life with an older, rich lady. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to open up. I kind of figure there's no need to open myself up if they probably think I'm not good enough anyway.

[Jazzebel]

maybe you got hurt in the past (even as a child)?

Well I have never been physically or sexually abused if that's what you mean. I did however grow up without a real father figure. Don't know if that makes any difference..

[searock]

I think it does... maybe you have abandonment issues, which your previous boyfriend just enhanced. Did your father leave your mother when you were a child? If so, you may subconsciously have taken part of the blame... like "maybe if I was more lovable, he would have stayed". That's why you endured a 2-years relationship with a guy who never failed to remind you you weren't good enough - he reminded you of the way you (perceived) your father treated you. Now you're afraid of growing attached to a man because you're afraid they'll abandon you again.

The problem isn't you, Jazzebel. It's the guys you're attracted to. Why not go for a nice guy the next time? A reliable, sweet, cute guy who is head over heals for you and treats you like you deserve.

[Jazzebel]

I've never looked at it that way, thank you so much for taking the time to explain!

There actually is this guy who's been asking me out for 2,5 months now. I told him no because he gets really nervous in my presence which I don't understand because he is really good looking and girls are all over him. Yesterday I bumped into him at an magazine release event and finally agreed to give him my number. He texted me right away. Maybe he's a good guy, I don't know, we'll see.

[searock]

If he gets nervous when talking to you, it means he really really likes you! It's definitely a good sign, and the fact that he texted you right away as soon as he got your number points to the fact that he isn't into playing stupid games. He does sound like a good guy. Let us know how your first date goes :-).

[Jazzebel]

Let us know how your first date goes :-).

Turned out to be a total scumbag.. Oh well, at least I tried

[searock]

Oh, I'm sorry! What did he do? But yes - you tried, that's what matters :-). Better luck with the next guy!

[Wakeup]

Yes considering the proclamation in your first post that you are a self-confessed "bitch" it would be very interesting how you come to decide this guy was a "scumbag." No offence but: There is a common denominator in your dating dynamics, Jazz and that is You. So: Whats going on?