Can't Get Away From Uncomfortable Sitation...

[Skybird]

(Ooops! I spelled "situation" wrong...)

First off- hello! I'm new to these forums. I'm not good at introductions so I kind of skipped out on posting one.

So to my issue that maybe you guys can offer advice on...

I guess I put myself in this situation and am the one to blame. But I can't get OUT of it.

The first situation I was (I say was... I guess I still am) very attracted to someone I went to HS school with and now work with. He's a good guy and I only have good things to say about him. We went out, we flirted playfully, were great friends. There are times he has saved me from difficult situations or has helped me in other painful times. But we were never in a relationship. It didn't bother me then but it bothers me now because sometimes I wonder if I would have said something more... maybe we would be in a relationship... Anyway, sooner or later he got a girlfriend and slowly but surely stopped talking to me outside of work. However one night a big group of us from work (most of us are all 21-24 years old btw) decided to go out to a club. Work + club atmosphere + liquor does not make a good mix. Great details are hopefully not necessary but we were flirting far more than we should have, using the excuse that him and his girlfriend had an argument to make flirting ok. Eventually I snapped out of my drunken stupidity and left.

Because we have been friends for a while it wasn't awkward to talk about on the side while we weren't under the influence but, for me at least, it is a bit painful. I cannot have this guy yet still am very attracted to him. I refuse to drink around him or to be around him when he drinks because that's when issues start. What makes it worst is I see him and talk to him daily and cannot get out of that situation because I NEED this job. It's probably not a good idea for me to quit and try to find a new one where I probably won't get paid as well (if I get hired at all, that is). And the fact that he has a girlfriend that I see at times doesn't help either.

Five years have I known this guy and I can't get over him. Any advice on that?

----

My second issue. This one is more infuriating than anything else. I was in a relationship with a supposedly honest guy for a short time and had an intimate relationship with him. Long story short, he dumped me like a bad habit, found a new girl, and married her all within 4 months. I see him often because he lives in my apartment complex. The bad part about HIM is, when I do see him, he likes to make subtle comments that are references to the things we used to do. He'll do it right in front of other people... right in front of his WIFE... and make it sound totally innocent but they are references to other things. For one example of many the last time I saw him on the weekend he said, "Remember when you hit that light post with your car?!" when in reality it means 'remember when you hit that light post with your car because we were making out and you weren't paying attention' And he says it with a horrible smirk on his face. I am not very nice to him and I think he's picked up on the fact I don't like him very much and is doing it to get some sort of rise out of me. His sleazy comments can are very bothersome.

Perhaps a source of all this discomfort is that I am jealous. It's painful to admit but I'm jealous of guy one's relationship because I like him very much and I'm jealous of guy two's relationship because he's married. I want a successful relationship with a guy I can trust and eventually marry. Sometimes I wonder if Karma is out to get me. I'm 21, have many guy friends, but have been in very few relationships.

Sorry for the long post... if anyone has an comments or replies or advice, please feel free...

[basilandthyme]

guy number one: stop hanging out with him. And it's perfectly OK to tell him that you feel more than is appropriate given that he has a girlfriend and that you need space to recover your balance.

guy number two: you could try playing along. When he says something like "remember when you smashed your car...." sweetly reply "I remember that. Remember how your d!ck was in my hand at the time?" If nothing untoward was actually happening, then make something up. I reckon he'll get in so much trouble from his wife that he'll leave you alone.

[Skybird]

Thanks, I am tempted to say something like that to guy two but I'm just scared what might happen afterwords, haha. I rather avoid confrontation all together.