in need of some help!!

[cinnamonstick]

Hello! I need some advice on my current relationship with my partner/father of our son. It would be greatly appreciated because I'm starting to think that we are no longer compatable. My name is *Kayla and my partners name is *Anthony. We have been together for a little over 3 years now, and we have a son together now. Now there has been some issues for a long time now that I just happened to notice after our son was born. They were probably always there but I just never noticed until I had to "grow up" ( I just turned 20 in january ). *Anthony is and still has "problems" sleeping, but this is a big problem that I put up with for 2 years now, he never sleeps at night and he is always sleeping all day. It makes me mad because he can be doing more productive things with the time he is wasting while sleeping. I asked him many times to go and see a doctor about it but he never went. Also he is pretty much a "deadbeat" I guess, I'm pretty much the one who supports him, and its starting to push me over the edge. I feel like I'm always putting more effort into pleasing him than he does with me. He doesn't have a car or a liciense so I am the one always picking him up and dropping him off ( he doesn't live with me because I don't want him in the same house, because i know he'll just cause even more problems, so he just comes over on weekends). He says he'll change and his most commonly used word is that he is "trying". I gave him from October until until now to prove it, but still nothing (I broke up with him in august becuz of these reasons, then we got back together in october, with hopes of him actually making an effort to be a better dad and partner). Another thing, when he is home with our son I'm still always the only one doing everything with our son, I'm pretty much a "single mom" during the week and on weekends I just don't think its fair that he gets to come to my house and sleep and do nothing. While I am still spending more time with our son. I am really, really starting to get fed up here. I really want to break it off for good but I am so scared because the first time I broke it off he told me all these things about how sad he was, and how he didn't have anything to live for etc.. And I hate the feeling of breaking up, I literally felt like crap everyday. I just don't know what to do anymore, it seems like either way I am not going to be happy!! Can someone please tell me what I should do? Please and thank u!!

[madotnw_nihs]

I am pretty sure you know what you should do. It also doesn't seem like you love him any more. The only reason you are not breaking is how he will feel afterwards. How old is he? I've known deadbeats before, but he seems to really take the cake. Do you just want more reassurances that you should leave him? You should get plenty of them here.

[cinnamonstick]

Hi you're right I do know what I should do, he's 22. I would just feel so bad again, I don't like that feeling.. I'm scared of not knowing what will happen. I'm actually kind of scared that he might try and hurt himself.

[madotnw_nihs]

Hi you're right I do know what I should do, he's 22. I would just feel so bad again, I don't like that feeling.. I'm scared of not knowing what will happen. I'm actually kind of scared that he might try and hurt himself.

If he is so weak that he would hurt himself because of breaking up, it's the more reason you should leave. Think about your kid as well. When you grows up and other kids ask him about his father, how would he feel that his dad is a deadbeat. Your kid can't choose a father, so you have to do it. Please do it well.

[Beenthere]

Hi, I think you already know what you have to/want to do. It sounds like you may be scared of turning away your childs dad and of the feeling of being alone. Firstly, if he really wanted to change you have given him enough time to show that he is going to get out there, look for work, pay and support his family and make an effort not to be just a weekend Dad, who does nothing to help anyway. You are already on your own, so cut the strings, let him do what he feels necessary. He is not your worry, your child is. Let his family look after him if they want to. If he mans up and takes your rejection as the final kick in his backside to go out there and prove you wrong. If he gets a job, gets a life and grows up to be a father maybe then involve him. Id never say take a child from his dad. But you breaking up with him might be what he needs. If he doesnt, he really isnt going to be the father or role model you really want for your son.

Break ups are never easy. You are going to feel empty and alone. its part of the grieving of missing someone who is there. As long as you have this guy around, you are not going to be free to meet a person you can truly love and be a family with. Its going to be hard, but you have to be strong for both of you.