Just starting. Is he even gonna trust me?

[mydnyght]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for about two months now. I could tell from the beginning he is pretty independent, so I've been trying to give him his space and not being all clingy. So I thought things were just sort of casual at this point. He didn't even start actually calling me his girlfriend until like two weeks ago. Well maybe a week ago he started telling me (via text) he loved me and that he was in love with me, he wanted me to be his world etc. I said I loved him too. One time.

Before I go further with all of that, I need to tell everyone that I was previous engaged to someone I was with for two years. This guy was like my soul mate. He was my first love, first kiss, gave him my virginity. We did everything together, always together. He was the best friend I ever had. In July 2011 he committed suicide. Needless to say leaving me devastated and my world shatter. At the point I was pretty much resolved to never be with anyone again. (I know it's sounds silly, but that's how I felt.) Even when I first started talking to my current BF, I still cried over my fiance some nights. When I started having feelings for him the more we talked, I felt so guilty. For a week or so I barely ate or slept and I was an emotional train wreck. Until I decided hey, as much as I love him it's not gonna bring him back, so I took the risk of seeing were things went with this new guy. Things seemed to be going good until a few days ago.

Anyway, a few days ago I was staying at his house. He started talking about how he said "I love you" several times, but I only said it once. He told me he was disappointed and hurt and I should have said nothing instead of lying. I tried to explain that I did love him because he is someone important in my life, but I'm not IN love with him at this point, but I guess it didn't come out right or something.

Then he asked "Is it because I'm not Ash?" I burst into tears because I felt terrible, absolutely horrid and kept saying I was sorry. He held me and told me it was ok. He told me "I know I'll never replace him, but I'd like to own a piece of your heart one day." After that things seemed ok. We had sex-a few times- and fell asleep in each others arms. In the morning we talked and wrestled around like normal, before I left and he was getting ready for work.

The problem is now every time we talk he keeps bringing up about how he says I lied. Like he's never gonna let me live it down. I know how hurt he must be, but he's hurting me too, by harping on it. I feel like even when I do tell him he's not gonna believe me or not trust me in the relationship. For almost no reason. I care so very deeply for him, but I go scared when he started saying all that. It took literally months before I could even speak the words "I love you" to my fiance even though I could write the words and I felt it from the beginning.

Sorry this is so long.

[Boisdevie]

Two months in and he's expecting you to go all lovey dovey for him? I can understand your caution given your previous relationship. The guy sounds like he's trying to push you into saying stuff that you don't feel. TBH he sounds like an insensitive dick.