What would you do if this happened?

[captnbackfire]

Well, a few days ago my girlfriend of 3.5 years went away to a camp type thing for the weekend. She met some new people and made some new friends. This part doesn't bother me at all. When she got back and we were talking I noticed that she wouldn't look me in the eye and that she was acting secretive. So anyway, I found out that she had posted on another forum I visit that she had flirted with this guy over the weekend, and in her post she was asking if he had been flirting back with her. She wanted to know if they thought that this "flirting" could turn into something. So basically, it seemed to me like she was wondering if she had found a new significant other.

So anyway, I give her a chance to come clean and ask if anything happened over the weekend that she wasn't telling me. I told her I'd rather her tell me the truth than lie to me and hide something. She proceeded to swear that nothing happened... When I showed her the post I found she admitted that it was her. If this were the first time this has happened I would ask myself "What am I doing wrong that makes her want to look for someone new?". But it's not, there have been several occassions when she has hidden things from me, like flirting with a guy for a few days on a church trip, etc. I understand that a lot of girls just -love- to flirt and that nothing comes of it. But it seems like she takes it a lot more seriously. And the big thing that gets to me is that she lies to me whenever it does happen.

I know a lot of people would just say "ditch her" but I don't really think I want to do that. 99.5% of the time she is an absolute sweetheart and the most wonderful person in the world to be around, but then there is that .5% of the time that she breaks my heart. I want this relationship to work, because I honestly do love and care about her, but I also don't want to line myself up for heartbreak for the rest of my life.... What would you do?

[Promise]

In all relationships there's always a point of infidelity, and it may be mutiple times it occurs. We all wonder, and that wonderment makes us curious if there could be something more, but usually we realize the truth, and that nothing is really better then what we hold right here and now. The only way to allow that realization and understanding to come is patience.

Just be patient with her as these things happen, and they are okay and natural. Anger and frusteration is not the way, as it is the "natural tendency", rather love, compassion, and persistance should be. Continue to show her that there is no other better place for her but here, with you by her side. If you choose the path of agression then it'll only make her want to deviate. Understand that the best sort of learning and realization is the one that is concluded on your own, not one that is forced upon.

I understand that this might be all really difficult to do as we are all naturally inclined to feel rage and frusteration. But, it's the right thing to do. I hope you the best, as I wish for her to really come to understand that it breaks your heart when she does these things. Know though that she will come to understand if you allow her to on her own intuition, not yours, mine or anybody elses.

[mhussain]

no one deserves to be lied to in a relationship ... no one ...

no one deserves to have their trust broken ...

but maybe thats just me

Hussain

[blauw]

I'd talk about it.
Tell her it breaks ur heart that she lies about it.
Talk it over & maybe she will realise that she hurts ur feelings & hoping it will end.

It's like Promise says. You will feel anger, but that ain't the way.

[Tone]

Welcome to relationships dude. You can't have good times without bad ones. Joy can't come without pain, yadda yadda, etc etc. Tell her to just be honest with you. If she can't start being honest with you, why be in the relationship at all if you have to constantly wonder what she's up to when you're not around.

Also link us to this post she made :)

I'd be a little concerned she's interested to find out if there is something more between them.. have some self-respect dude. There are A LOT of sweet girls that aren't gonna lie to you.

[captnbackfire]

Welcome to relationships dude. You can't have good times without bad ones. Joy can't come without pain, yadda yadda, etc etc. Tell her to just be honest with you. If she can't start being honest with you, why be in the relationship at all if you have to constantly wonder what she's up to when you're not around.

Also link us to this post she made

I'd be a little concerned she's interested to find out if there is something more between them.. have some self-respect dude. There are A LOT of sweet girls that aren't gonna lie to you.

This is the post she made:

20189.1

OK, just tell me what you think: is this guy flirting with me?

The other day I was at a college freshmen orientation kind of program, and a lot of people who did not know each other off the bat just found lots of new friends--everybody seemed to make instant buddies.

One really cute guy was being really friendly and talkative with everybody, especially some (girl) friends of mine.

Before one of the tours when it was just the two of us, I told him a funny story, and he side-hugged me in a friendly "aww you poor thing" kinda way. (Keep in mind I'd never met the guy before!) We talked some during the tour, walking kinda close, and after we both had to walk across campus to the next meeting. We had a pretty cool one-on-one conversation on the way-- we were hitting it off pretty good-- We seem to have a lot in common, anyway. At the meeting, when we were waiting in line and talking, he was (physically) pretty close to me. When we thought we were parting ways for the day, he asked me for my AIM screenname, and I got his too. I felt really special, like he might be interested-- to me it felt like there was something, anyway...

Well, at lunch, he was back with those friends of mine, and super-talkative, the life of the party basically. I also found out that he went out with these girls the night before (just for some fast food, nothing big). Down went my confidence! Not that I wanted to leave, but I saw a (newly made) friend of mine sitting by herself, so I switched tables to be with her. When I got up, he said "I'll see you around, Sarah" in a really sweet way, eye contact and all.

I haven't had a lot of experience with guys-- i've been at an all girls school for the past 4 years, and i dont know what's flirting or not. Is this guy just a friendly person who wanted to make new friends? Or might there really be something there? Should I flirt with him, or just back off?

Please help-- I really don't want false hopes for something that isn't there, but also, if he is flirting, i don't want to accidentally miss it! BE BRUTALLY HONEST, but nice if u can 0:-)

Thanks in advance!

[captnbackfire]

Note that she didn't mention she had a boyfriend of 3 and a half years

[Tone]

LoL you should make an account there and be like "So what does your boyfriend think of all this?"

I'd be pretty pissed if my g/f ever made a post like that and would call her out on it

[captnbackfire]

LoL you should make an account there and be like "So what does your boyfriend think of all this?"

I'd be pretty pissed if my g/f ever made a post like that and would call her out on it

I have talked to her about, and she seems truly sorry. She says that she just got caught up in the moment and wishes that she hadn't done it now. I've tried to stay reasonable and calm and not blow up at her. Put part of me is wondering if I've done the right thing by giving her a second chance.

[Promise]

I have talked to her about, and she seems truly sorry. She says that she just got caught up in the moment and wishes that she hadn't done it now. I've tried to stay reasonable and calm and not blow up at her. Put part of me is wondering if I've done the right thing by giving her a second chance.

Don't let the doubt conflict with rationality. What I mean is, don't let the doubt spawn in such a way where it becomes more and more destructive. Sometimes, we just have to trust blindly and instinctively, because questioning "What if?" runs on endlessly, and nothing constructive becomes of it.

It's true though, everyone gets caught up, whether it be work, or friends. But, the majority of us come to realize that it's not truly how we feel, and inside truly feel sorry for it. You just have to trust me on this, or else your on your road to a deconstructed relationship, unless you truly feel an ends is a means at the moment.

[captnbackfire]

Don't let the doubt conflict with rationality. What I mean is, don't let the doubt spawn in such a way where it becomes more and more destructive. Sometimes, we just have to trust blindly and instinctively, because questioning "What if?" runs on endlessly, and nothing constructive becomes of it.

It's true though, everyone gets caught up, whether it be work, or friends. But, the majority of us come to realize that it's not truly how we feel, and inside truly feel sorry for it. You just have to trust me on this, or else your on your road to a deconstructed relationship, unless you truly feel an ends is a means at the moment.

I agree with what you said, and honestly if she had just told me that she slipped up and flirted with a guy over the weekend I wouldn't have been nearly as mad. It's the lying and the wondering if it would become something more that really got to me.

[Tone]

I agree with what you said, and honestly if she had just told me that she slipped up and flirted with a guy over the weekend I wouldn't have been nearly as mad. It's the lying and the wondering if it would become something more that really got to me.

Make SURE she knows this and to be more honest in the future, tell her flirting is natural so it's gonna happen but that she should just ALWAYS be honest with you about it.

[mhussain]

honesty hurts .. it will always hurt .. both the one who listens and the one says it ...

but i would rather be stabbed in the chest than in the back ... if at all

Hussain

[Fyesteema4]

OK if that was my boyfriend and I read that post, he would be OUTTA THERE. I think most girls would say they same thing, well most people with self respect would. She obvisously analyzed the situation very hard and held no regard for you.

When your boyfriend or girlfriend flirt with someone else, they are knowingly putting you in a REALLY uncomfortable, vunerable, and hurtful situation, when you care about someone, why would you want to put that person in that situation? I just don't have tolerance for someone who wants to do that to me...

[captnbackfire]

bump bump.