Stopping a crush - advice needed

[Enix]

Hello everyone!

I've somehow gotten myself into this pretty bad situation, and i fear it'll only get worse unless i do something about it.

First off, some background about me to put things into perspective:

i'm an extremely introverted person by nature, and as such have trouble accepting new people into my life. By "Introverted" i do not necessarily mean the "Always keeps to himself/Does not participate in anything"-type, but it takes a really long time for me to let someone get close, if i even let them. I have several buddies, pals, bros and fembros (female bro ) - all that jazz and none of them really, truly know me. We grab a beer, shoot some pool, go to a concert etc., but i've never really connected to any of them on a intimate/personal level. In fact, i haven't truly and sincerely connected with anyone in the past 15 years (i'm 28 years old). That is until now anyways.

I've met this girl about 6 months ago and she's the reason i'm on this emotional rollercoaster. It's like she brought back the key for my emotional prison, which i had previously thrown away. This had never happened to me before.

I could tell you all about how great she looks, how smart and funny she is, but while all of those are great attributes, they're not what led to the feelings i've got for her.

Firstly, in this short period of time we've really connected and confided in each other. I feel like i can tell her almost anything - she doesn't judge me and is very supportive. She revealed several things to me that i doubt anyone else knows about her bar maybe her best friend. I have never opened up like this to anyone, ever. Best thing about it, it felt completely natural for the first time in my life. Yet, i cannot tell her the thing i want to the most...

Secondly, i've seen how she fares in life's greatest challenges - the loss of a family member, financial issues and she's fighting anxiety disorder (which i know a lot about because my mother happens to be dealing with it her whole life).
I'm constantly trying to help her as best i can and she is very appreciative. The way she can handle herself in the most stressful of situations is worthy of a prize.

Thirdly, i know her flaws and i'm not oblivious to them. I've seen her at her lowest, i know her personality quirks, i know her bad habits, i know her worst attitude...and i know she's worth it despite it all. She is someone for the long haul, a keeper.

By now some of you may think i'm the luckiest SOB under the sun, but you're dead wrong. You see, all the things mentioned above i know about her. She doesn't know how emotionally sealed off i really am, so she doesn't know what she actually triggered in me. As far as she's concerned i'm a good friend and i'm like this with everybody which couldn't be further away from the truth. She has no idea how i feel about her since i cannot afford to even indicate my feelings.

Why?

1. She's my coworker
2. She has a boyfriend, they're together for about a year
3. Her boyfriend is my bosses best friend

As you can see, there's about a gazillion ways this can go terribly wrong whether she accepts or rejects my expression of feelings towards her. Not that i even want to do that since she's happy with her boyfriend anyway and sees me as sort of a confidant for anything in her life anyway.

I'd like to distance myself in order to kill off the crush, but i cannot. She's the first one at work along with me, we're alone for 2 hours sitting next to each other in the same office. Tomorrow i'll come to work, smell her perfume, see that warm smile on her face and a volcano of emotions will go off inside me. We'll talk, have some fun and that volcano will become a damn supernova. Sometimes i just want to grab her and hold her forever. It's not even as much sexual as it is a pure desire for intimacy and closeness. It's been like this for 3-4 months now and it's not getting any better, only worse. I can't even properly focus on my work anymore, she's in my mind the whole day. First thing when i wake up, last thing when i go to sleep. She became the highlight of every single day and i get almost depressed if she calls in sick or something.

How can i kill my feelings or at least keep them down to a minimum??? I don't think i can last like this much longer. I do not want to leave my job, nor do i want to in any way cause grief to her relationship because she's happy. If i stay, there's no chance i only talk about work related things in an attempt to distance myself, because i'm having the best 1 on 1 time of my life.

Please help.

[pcmaster]

I would ask if shes ready to dumb her BF for me and than go from there. Only cure is other girls bodies and true smiles. You need love and you found it. Its like natural drugs.

I know how its is when your heart, job and life depends on one decision. Im my story girl dumped her BF just to find that she comes no. 2 for me straight after job. I ended up without her and without any interest to job cause she was my heart. But biggest mistake was to listen to brains and ignore the heart.

If I could turn back time than I would be 100% true with her and say and do what I feel, just cut the BS and be brave. Also wouldnt put so much time and energy in work, cause its realy hard to switch off from work when you not working cause shes there too its not just work(easy to become a workaholic like that). Talk with other girls more and dont look at her.

It helped big time to do sports eat more often spend weekends at sea alone and having a second job at the same time. Basicaly just having dual life in everything.

Basicaly if you gona keep everything inside of you not being honest with her or put yourself one step lower than her, than something gona break. Just stop dreaming or turn dream in reality by telling her and getting a answer. Much easier and better way to know what to do with your fellings from there.