Dont know what to do

[west14]

I was dumped 5 weeks ago by my girlfriend of 7 months. It may not seem like a long time but we were incredibly close and had made plans for the future, I am 19 and she was 18. After being together for 3 months and spending the most amazing summer together I had to leave for university and we decided to start a long distance relationship. Things went well at first, we missed each other like crazy and spoke on skype all the time. Because of this I never properly settled into uni and was unhappy being there. It reached the point where she found it very hard to talk to me for about a week or so and I wasnt very nice, something im not proud of. When I snapped out of it I apologised profusely but things never seemed the same again, during that time she had been spending a lot of time with her friends and something was off. She came to visit me soon after and she said something was missing and she no longer missed me as much. We spent two days talking about it and decided to carry on and try and fix it because we truly loved each other. Things got a bit better but never went back to normal, she seemed distant and I was terrified of losing her. Shortly after I went home for christmas and we were both convinced things would get better when we spent time together. However, she never appeared to want to spend time with me and always invited her friends along when we went somewhere, for the first time we began to argue a little. Shortly before I went back to uni she came to mine and said that things had not got better and she needed a few days to clear her head and decide what she wants. These three days were complete hell and I barely ate or slept. After this she came round and confirmed what I already knew was coming, she wanted to break up. She said that she still loved me but needed some time to herself and wasnt ready for it all. Before me she had a boyfriend of two years who was horrible to her and she shut herself off emotionally. I was well and truly heartbroken and went back to uni feeling more alone than I had ever before. I have always felt like I didnt fit in and she was the first girl to ever properly like me, I couldnt believe that this beautiful girl wanted to be with me and for the first time in my life I was happy. We said we wanted to remain friends and spoke a few times over the next few weeks, I wrote her a letter saying how I felt and she replied saying she still loved me. Fast forward a couple weeks and I rang her to catch up, we were talking and she asked if I had been with anyone, I said no I wasnt ready for anything and I asked her the same. She said that she had slept with someone and that I should do the same because it stopped her thinking about me but about him. Hearing this broke my heart all over again and I made up an excuse to go and had a panic attack for the first time. She then text me saying sorry if she upset me and doesnt think we should talk any more. I told her that I thought what we had meant more than that and that i wanted her back and didnt care how long it would take. She told me that we will never get back together and I mean nothing to her any more. She hates drama and just said she couldnt be bothered. I feel like shes broken my hear all over again, the girl who said I was her soulmate and made me happy for the first time says she wants nothing to do with me. I dont know what to do, I no longer want to get back with her after the way shes treated me but I dont understand how she has changed to feel like this when she said she still loved me just over a week ago. Sorry for such a long story I just dont know what to do and could really do with some advice

[rob1984]

sorry to hear this man, was it a one night stand.. or someone she knew.. maybe she already had someone in mind when you 2 were together and he filled the void you left when university came calling.. if you were so certain about your relationship.. why did you move away and not stay in university where you lived ? not an option.. look there was a reason she fell for you man, so more will in the future.. if you want to have some fun.. read david d'angelo he's a wizz on girls and make picking them up fun and challenging.. stuff you have never heard before. Good luck.. be stronger show her you moved on, tell her she was right.. see what her reaction would be then.

[west14]

It was a one night stand I believe. Unfortunately there is no university where I live so I had to move 4 hours away. Im just so confused because we truly were happy and if she loved me a week ago I dont see how she can treat me like she did today, she essentially said she didnt want to talk to me and I dont know whats happened to her

[michelle23]

Sorry to hear what your going through it must be really hard but you have to try and stay strong. Long distant relationships rarely ever work because when your not spending enough time together, you start to drift apart.

She should not have rang you telling you about the other bloke-that was unfair and cruel but at least it maf
de you accept that its over which is a good thing. It will take time to get over her but you will. If you were only together 8months, it should only take 3-6months to start to feel normal again and in the meantime, you should try to stay busy. Focus on your studies, making new friends, join a hobby or a sport etc abd just focus on yourself.

When your sure you are over her, you can concentrate on meeting someone else. Use this time to think about the qualities you want in a gf and figure out what your standards are and then dont settle for any les than that.
You will learn from this experience and you will end up feeling stronger, more confident and ready to meet slmeone special

[michelle23]

Bad advice rob btw. Keep your integrity west. One night stands are for insecure losers who treat women like toys

[rob1984]

Michelle, if the one night stand is true then yes I agree with you.. but She could be lying to him.

yeah, the closure would kill me too.. maybe she's lying to you..saying she did.. to see if you did.. catch my drift. kinda testing you out, yeah one week she loves you the other she does not.. kinda weird. its hard for people to give advice without knowing you nor her. what I would do. Stay confident tell her, she obviously has things to sort out in her mind.. and that you will wait for her..however not long. Sometimes people screw up and not realize what they lost she is still young.. maybe does not want to be tied down. my wife made a huge mistake.. a part of me also things because I took her away at 7 yrs old.. she never had a chance to know what else is out there. I sorta had the same feeling once and went to far with it as did she. I got drunk danced with a girl and made out with her. Not good. but im human.. communication is key talk to her tell her, i'll leave you alone, but not until you give me the proper closure. no matter what it is.

[michelle23]

He already said he doesnt want her back now after the way she treated him in the end and i think he is right. If they were meant to be they would not have split just because there was some distance between them. She would have tried to make it work. He needs to accept its time to move on so he can start to heal plus hel never get the thought of her sleeping with someone else outa his head if he goes back. That broke him.

[rob1984]

you're right, but if he did not want her back, why is he here then on the forum.. would he just not move on.. he obviously wants her back. I think she lied to him. or if she is telling the truth it should be easier for him to move on. He is just insecure, cause he was surprised she went out with him to begin with... I think he put her up on a mantel.. and he is having a hard time.. that he will not find someone as pretty as her. I think he did it once he will do it again..

[michelle23]

I think he was genuinly crazy about her. He doesnt sound insecure to me. If he was he would have went out and tried to replaceher as quickly as possible or have a fling and he didnt do that.

Look OP, you have to get hurt once or twice in order to grow and learn what you want. It seems awful now, bjt you will get through this. It just takes time

[west14]

Thanks for the advice, the distance between us didnt help but it wasnt the main reason we broke up. The boyfriend she had before me was very horrible to her and she shut her self off emotionally, because of this she couldnt open up to me much. She wasnt ready for a relationship and i think she was scared because there was a good chance we werent going to break up. She's going out and enjoying her self with her friends which shes never done before because her last boyfriend wouldnt let her see her friends. It kills me but I just want her to be happy, I genuinely thought when she had some time to her self we could give it another go but today she was so horrible and wanted me to know it would never happen. Im still not giving up hope because the girl that was horrible to me on the phone today is not the girl I fell in love with and I just have to hope one day she will come back to me, for now im going to have to try and move on though. It doesnt help that im miserable at uni and I never see my flat mates and dont have loads of friends so im alone a lot of the time. Sometimes going days without speaking to anyone in person. I dont know whats changed with her, she went on holiday with her family in novemeber and after she came back was when I wasnt particurly nice and she hasnt been the same since. She didnt do well in her exams and doesnt know what she wants to do so is just going out with her friends.

[west14]

I do want her back more than anything but shes not the same person she was before, and theres no way that the guy she slept with was anything more than a 1 night thing after we broke up

[rob1984]

thought so, just tell her that then, you get her last relationship was controlling, and so on.. reassure her.. but tell her this.. I get you are scared, thats fine.. but there is nothing I can do anymore.. if you want to runaway from me then go a head... some guilt at times makes people do the right thing. its only been a week right. theres something she is not telling you.

[west14]

I've told her that I want her back but she said its not going to happen, she needs time to herself and I think shes trying to not string me along

[rob1984]

then tell her you will no longer try, if her mind changes it should be soon, cause you will no wait forever... and will share what you have to offer with someone else, who wants to be with me. I dunno man.. that something i feel I would do. but you know her best, so good luck and keep us informed

[michelle23]

Give it a month with no contact. If you hear nothing move on. Youll only hurt yourself more otherwise.