I know I should hate him even more now...

[brokenhearted91]

... But it just hurts so much more.

... But it seems to hurt more.

He broke up with me 3 weeks ago, because he was unhappy because of the way I've been acting. Up till then he was really living, caring, bought me a present for our anniversary and said he wanted me by his side.

I got back to the flat we share last night and he managed to tell me that he has already kissed a girl when he went out and he's texting a girl he met when he was out. It broke my heart all over again. I wanted to cry but didnt wanna show weakness in front of him. I'd never do that to him if it was the other way round. He knows I love him and didnt want to break up.

Why is he finding it so easy to be cold and heartless after 3 years??

[basilandthyme]

Brokenhearted, he's not being 'cold and heartless', he's simply moving on. As you live together, you may as well start preparing yourself for when he starts having girls stay the night.

You really need to discuss an alternative to living together.

[smackie9]

I think you were too oblivious to the way you were acting towards him, and how damaging it was to your relationship. He tied to treat you good, but somewhere something wasn't right....plus we are only getting your side to the story, so we can only go by what you tell us. So in reality we can't help you there. I do agree you need to move out, so you can move on too. I have a feeling that's why he has mentioned these other girls....he wants you to move out, and stop clinging onto the hope you will get back together.

[michelle23]

What a prick. That is cruel but he already cheated right? Now his true colours are coming out and since you dont have your head in the clouds you will start to see him for what he is. After 3 years he should get that you are hurting and not rub it in your face. He has no empathy for you and feels like he owes you nothing.

He is an asshole and you should try to forget him. He clearly has no respect for your feelings. What you have to do now is suck it up and pretend you really dont care. I no its hard but dont give him any satisfaction. Even if he wants you back eventually-stay strong! In time you will meet someone you treats you better.

Stay away from him as much as you can and just focus on you

[brokenhearted91]

I can't move out, I'm in a contract and have to finish my degree or I've wasted three years on that too. We live in one room, one bed with the kitchen in that room. When I say cold and heartless I mean to tell me so quickly knowing how much it will hurt me, especially when 3 weeks ago (literally a day before he ended it) he told me he wanted me by his side and he loved me more than I could imagine.

[brokenhearted91]

What a prick. That is cruel but he already cheated right? Now his true colours are coming out and since you dont have your head in the clouds you will start to see him for what he is. After 3 years he should get that you are hurting and not rub it in your face. He has no empathy for you and feels like he owes you nothing.

He is an asshole and you should try to forget him. He clearly has no respect for your feelings. What you have to do now is suck it up and pretend you really dont care. I no its hard but dont give him any satisfaction. Even if he wants you back eventually-stay strong! In time you will meet someone you treats you better.

Stay away from him as much as you can and just focus on you

Thank you, yeah he cheated on me 9 months into our 3 year relationship. I don't expect him to change his mind, his decision is his decision. I just wish there was still part of him that doesn't wanna hurt me too much which he is doing. He said after he told me "do you think it's too soon?" I just didn't know what to say, I'm totally gobsmacked.

[michelle23]

Even if he does change his mind OP, you need to be strong now and realize renough is enough and there is no goimg back. He has hurt you too many times and nobody deserves that. Ignore him completely. Do not give in no matter what and sleep on the couch. Stay out of the apartment as much as you can. If you get out and about you will make new friends. If he moves onto another girl-hes her problem.

That is all he is OP. A problem. Hes destructive and will continue to crush your self esteem as long as you let him please realize you can do much better and dont give in. Time is a great healer and you will come out of this stronger. You just have to go through the pain first but you will start to feel normal again, you will smile again, youll fall in love again. You just have to give it time to heal but do not go backwards

[smackie9]

Again we are only getting her side and not his. So what if he cheated over 2 years ago. Him breaking up with you now doesn't have anything to do with that. That's shit is water under the bridge.... Relationships end, it's not the end of the world. It's sounds to me whatever happened back then was resolved....so there is no reason to make that a part of this. What I see is a girl that won't let go. He is getting frustrated that she won't live somewhere else. U are an adult, U had 3 weeks to get the f uck out of there. U need to put on your big girl panties and leave this guy behind.

[smackie9]

The sooner you get out, the quicker your heart will heal. To be honest you shouldn't be so dependent on a man. Maybe this will teach you to stand on your own two feet, have some Independence, and live a happier life discovering YOU.

[michelle23]

The point im trying to make is he treated her like a doormat from the start and she let him. Time to take back your self respect now OP and good luck

[smackie9]

Tell him to buy you out of your lease and you will leave. I'm sure he will find a way to accommodate you to get you out of your living situation.

[smackie9]

Break ups are never easy but they happen. Shit happens because life happens. It sounds to me he is bitter about something, so we can't pick anyone's side but to advise how you can move on. We want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and be a stronger person.

[brokenhearted91]

I am trying to be a strong person, it took all my strength to come back here and try and continue my degree. The company we have a contract with wont let either of us leave so we have no choice even if we wanted to leave. I have no where else to go up here, I'm going home at weekends so I'm only here Sunday night till Thursday morning but its still hard to see someone you love who doesn't wanna be with you, yeah I know I need to move on but I'm saying that its hard and this makes it harder. So the fact he is telling me all this stuff just kills me, I can't help it, I was in this relationship and I (thought) I knew him and never thought I'd mean so little that he could, even though he ended it, move on so quickly. All my family are surprised too, they didnt think he would be like this.

[basilandthyme]

Be like what? Living a life without you? Do you really expect him to live in seclusion so as to not hurt your feelings? One of the best bits about being newly single is being able to date again.

Frankly, I don't believe that your contract stipulates that you MUST stay. What is the exact wording of the exit clause?

[brokenhearted91]

If I wanted to leave I would have to find someone who would take over the contract. My part of it. Seeing as that would involve living and sharing a bed with someone, presumably new, then I doubt either party would want that.

It's the fact he's rubbing it in my face, when he knows I still love him, I just think its cruel. What I don't know doesn't hurt type thing. I care about him enough to know if I ended it, I wouldn't flaunt new people etc in his face because I wouldn't wanna hurt someone further. Not wanting to be with someone doesn't mean you have to instantaneously turn on them and make them feel 10x worse. Maybe that's just me and I have more morals.